I've watched the advise leveled by MB posters. On of them is to get divorced then remarry when WS is ready to return.

Not that easy... we will look at that in another post.

This post is for Christian's and Jews and any who would like to examine Christian teachings.... All Christian comment is very welcome. These are MY observations with input from various books I have read.

Men who marry sisters, aunt, wife of father, wife of brother - marry dishonorably. There is a curse on these folk.

ENGAGEMENTS:

If a man asks a woman to marry and she says "Yes" - they are betrothed. This is exactly the same as married but without physical contact. A Christians Yes or No means just that. (See Matt1:19 -Joseph wanted to divorce his fiance, Mary)

It is my understanding that folk do not understand the concept of engagement and commend themselves towards the preparation of marriage without commitment until the church ceremony.
This process must be made clear to marriage participants before they commit themselves.

Please note: The parties must declare whether they are virgins before they get married. If the woman was found to be defiled before sleeping together -the groom may declare that the marriage is ready for divorce. (See Deut22:13-Marriage violations)

The next part is about a couple -when they should NOT be married.

I don't get why you started this thread, and have a feeling it'll end up getting locked or moved. Anyway...

19Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly. Matt. 1:19

As far as scripture you refer to as to the declaring of virginity-- that was under the old law, specific to a certain people, which was nearly impossible to follow. As far as I know when Jesus died on the cross, the old law was abolished, and grace abounds.

Watching for more...........

Imagine... I think it's an interesting post. For my own reasons I'll be checking out Matt 1-19 - which I naturally agree with.

Princess, the emphasis here is that Joseph was ENGAGED to Mary and STILL sought to divorce her. This reinforces the married state of engaged couples.

As to your second point, the law of ceremony within the church has most definitely changed from old testament to new testament. This does NOT NEGATE the law in other areas. (ROM6:15 What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means!)
Please note, that I did not say that a Christian would not be prescribed to choose who they married but that they had right to properly exit their marriage if they were not fully informed. It is MY perception that this option should be available to both sexes.

I'm not a pastor and would welcome further insight regarding my perceptions.

HOW DO I KNOW THAT I AM MARRIED??

1. I have a marriage licence
2. We had a marriage ceremony
3. I have a ring.

Is this enough????

Thanks Bubbles,

The next part is going to check out if we SHOULD be married.

My pastors comment: These folk would be illegally married. ie. There is no law to support their marriage.


Pastors comments: This would be the first point of discussion in the marriage and that repair of the Christian couple should take place. No divorce.
This is because the marriage is based on the principles of Jesus dying for his bride(the church)

If you are unhappily married, only three qualify for a divorce.

Divorce is not a sin. Divorce is like a train smash. The sin is with those that contribute to the event. With any marriage couples must keep their relationship solid. These destroy marriage: Abuse, Abandonment and Adultery.

Let us look at "abuse":
1. A person is living in fear because of an aggressive partner. This is like "murder" and the spouse must escape the marriage for protection.
Bishop Frank Retief recommends withdrawal until it is clearly evident that the aggressor has properly repented from their violence. This can take quite some time.
2. A spouse may prevent a Christian from worshiping at church. If the Christian is reasonable and not undermining their marriage, this action may also be considered aggressive and worthy of separation.
3. Loss of respect and verbal abuse also destroys the structure of marriage.

Then there is abandonment:
1. Refusal to communicate. A party does not communicate in order to interact.
2. Lack of commitment to the marriage. Others are more important.
3. Unhealthy parental ties that prevent proper connection to one's own marriage.

These two areas are neglecting matrimony and require proper handling of the situation. The offended party should heed the instructions of Matt18:15-17. Namely (1)private approach (2)contact an arbitrator to help (3)Contact the church (4)Treating the guilty party as an unbeliever.

If no effect has been achieved - divorce may be effected. As I understand it, no marriage may be possible after this divorce.

The bad news is that the divorce IS permanent. There can be no physical union or remarriage after divorce to the same person.

My Pastor's point is that this condition SHOULD not happen to a Christan couple. Bishop Retief has indicated that this can happen to a backslider Christian.

Great emphasis is placed on the fact that any marriage needs sincere attempts at restoration. Lack of effort would be a sin against those in the marriage.

Next: How is adultery different from the above?

Wow, I so disagree with this on so many levels. I don't believe it's biblical either but I won't debate it. As a pastor's daughter, I learned LONG ago not to get into debates about doctrine with people who believe differently than me.

Princessmeggy,
I would love to hear another view based in scripture. I know that there are others that share your view. I will happily take the knocks to establish truth.

The conclusion is helpful to the folk that are waiting for their partners to return after their divorce.

Lets get it right!

Hmmm... Had another chat with my pastor, he knows of Bishop Retief's book that I have referred to and disagrees irreconcilable divorce. He says that if the situation was correct, he would remarry a divorced couple, providing that no intervening marriage/divorce had occurred.

I refer to Bishop Frank Retief's book "Divorce: Hope for the hurting"

The last item to destroy a marriage is "Adultery".

The difference between this and the others is that there needs be only one example to cause divorce. It should have gone PA. Jesus dubs a person with impure thoughts as adulterer. But an EA is difficult to pin.

If you have married an unbeliever and you are a born again Christian. You have sinned. This marriage is easier to break. Understand that no marriage SHOULD be broken. If two Christians are divorcing, this is an embarrassing witness for God.

My pastor is uncertain of the concept of backsliding Christians. He doubts that two Christians can not get along. One or both Christians must be seriously deceived to seek divorce.

Next: Can a guilty party in a divorce ever remarry?

Can a guilty party remarry someone else?

As far as the law of our land is concerned, no problem. The question is will a church allow it? The answer should be -No. But if they do get married, the church will recognize the new marriage as valid.

There is one time that the church will remarry: If that person was an unbeliever and is born again after divorce. This person is determined to be a NEW creature.


I have been strained to offer advice on the basis of scripture, reading and pastoral advice. I hope that the destruction of a marriage by a means other than infidelity will also be regarded quite seriously. Marriage is Gods invention. Let us value the process that it stays on track.

Right, I guess these are the main points that I wanted to write down:

Marriage begins at engagement. Do you meet your marriage obligations while wearing a ring. The permanency of divorce.


I am going on a two week holiday to England on Sunday. If there is any further queries - please post here. I'll only get back maybe tomorrow or approximately two weeks later.