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So I think she should take it for what it is, and nothing more.. I totally agree. Take it for what it is, HH. Fog babble. It is typical for a WS to say those magic words, and all too often, BS's think it actually means something. If it actually does mean something, it will be followed by actions to prove it. And if he were truly sincere, he would EXPECT you to be less than enthusiastic by his mere words.
Happily married to HerPapaBear
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Polite non responses:
I see.
OK.
Is that right?
Well there you are.
Interesting.
Is there more?
Anything else?
Yes?
I hear what you are saying.
...... My favorite:
I've got to go now. Bye.
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...... My favorite:
I've got to go now. Bye. That gets my vote.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Thanks, all. This is helping.
I really like the "sorry for what?" and then listen.... and the "non-responses." I guess I'd like to know what exactly he's sorry for -- hurting me? breaking up our family? leaving me with the yard work? What exactly?
And let me say this -- in the 30 years we were together, WH was NEVER eager to apologize for anything. He was like Fonzi on Happy Days who had a hard time saying the words "I'm sorry."
WH used to say just "Apologize" real quickly when he was sorry for something.
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Here is a link to a post on my "Notable Posts" thread. "When sorry is not enough" .... written by TopRope
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I really like the "sorry for what?" and then listen.... and the "non-responses." I guess I'd like to know what exactly he's sorry for -- hurting me? breaking up our family? leaving me with the yard work? What exactly? If you go with that and WH starts making excuses or saying hurtful stuff to you. Cut him off and hang up or throw a monkey wrench in the mix..."Do earthworms have ears?", "I like orange jello!" gotta go, click.
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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HH,
Get back to a dark, deep Plan B. His words are meaningless. His actions tell you everything. He wants to use you to help repair the damage he made to his relationship with his kids. He wants you to lift some of his guilt over what he has done. That is all it's about. He wants a measure of your forgivness over his choices.
Not your problem.
Plan B.
Run silent, run deep.
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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You are right, Chris.
Plan B. Dark and deep.
Just kind of hard with DS's HS graduation in a month. Awards ceremony, Baccalaureate, Graduation, Party ....
But hey, that's not my problem. He made his bed....er -- chosen his bed...
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I agree - dark, dark, and dark. Waywards are sorry. Sorry pieces of carp. They apologize because they want you to say that it's OK, OP is welcome into the family and we will all live happily ever after. The kids will have a wonderful 2nd mom, two houses, two dogs blah, blah and blah. We can all attend the graduation and have a wonderful time  If there is no ACTION, the apology means NOTHING.
BS - me 56
XWH - 57
12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.
6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.
9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me
Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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What you need to say in your best "Ali MacGraw" imitation...drum roll please..... "Love means never having to say your sorry"... 
Me 55, XWH 53, M 22 years
D17, D30
alien replaces my husband "I'm not happy" -7/08
Discover OW-8/08 (his direct report and I work there also)
H moves out 10/1/08, confront Ow 10/28/08
Plan B 1/09
D final 12/09
Quote: "First thing you do is pray; when there is nothing else to do, continue to pray."
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Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Or, "did you know that a fly has to flip over to land on the ceiling?"
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Sure, he'll understand that sort of thing. He'll know exactly what your complaint is if one were to choose that sort of approach. Either don't say anything at all, or make your response clear and cogent. I don't agree with the babble if you are going to speak. That doesn't mean you have to accept something, and it doesn't mean you have to answer at all. But if you choose to answer, answer in a clear, concise and convincing manner. Talking about jello and earthworms is just plain disrespectful. And before you say the WS is disrespectful, never is it acceptable to respond to disrespect with more disrespect. I really like the "sorry for what?" and then listen.... and the "non-responses." I guess I'd like to know what exactly he's sorry for -- hurting me? breaking up our family? leaving me with the yard work? What exactly? If you go with that and WH starts making excuses or saying hurtful stuff to you. Cut him off and hang up or throw a monkey wrench in the mix..."Do earthworms have ears?", "I like orange jello!" gotta go, click.
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HH,
Love the suggestion about the earthworms! LOL!
One of my favorite lines is from the movie "As Good As It Gets" with Jack Nicholson "Go sell crazy somewhere else, we're all stocked up here" . . . then I would give him the phone # of your intermediary.
In the current situation of open adultry - full on living with the OW that would be my response!
Favorite Quotes:
"It's not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the stong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena . . . who, at best, knows in the end - the triumph of great achievement, and who, at worst, if he fails; at least fails while daring greatly. So that his place will never be with those cold timid souls who know neither victory or defeat."
"What you tolerate dominates"
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Talking about jello and earthworms is just plain disrespectful. And before you say the WS is disrespectful, never is it acceptable to respond to disrespect with more disrespect. Good grief, everything is serious disrespect to a wayward with you. Want a potato chip? 
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Nope, I just don't see how folks who claim to embrace MB principles are so gung-ho on cheering on someone who wants to LB their spouse.
And remember, this is coming from a BS's perspective.
One of the things Dr H has said is that the greatest barrier to recovery of a marriage is not the WS, but the BS who will not control his/her LB behaviors.
Even if the BS decides he/she no longer wants the marriage, are LB's ever justified?
Of course not, Dr H calls LB's ABUSIVE behavior.
Of course we call affairs and dishonestly abusive behavior. So why do we then cheer on abusive BS's?
Makes no sense to me.
Engaging in LBs, even if you are the BS is abusive behavior.
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We're talking human nature here.
The cheering on of LB's by a BS is, quite simply, payback.
It's hard for someone who's BTDT to tell a BS to knock it off. What most BS's want to knock off is someone's head.
Doesn't make it right, of course. Just understandable.
BH 52
FWW 50
S26 S24
EA 3/07-1/09
PA 5/07-10/08
NC finally established after eight false starts: 1/23/09
Final Version of Events 6/09
In a solid Recovery, and lucky beyond belief.
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