>I'm considering towing it to the bar they have been going to for the last 3 weeks. LOL.


Register it abandonded. After two weeks it can become yours and you can sell it and pay off YOUR car troubles.

What a user this man is. He treats people like Kleenix. You're better than that...and your kids need to see that you are better than that.

OMG. I didn't know you could do that. I am going to look into it right away.

I've almost made it through one whole day, I think this will be my first day of me not calling it all, obviously, it hasn't gotten real tough yet, the real tough part is usually when he calls me. I've done this to him before years ago, and he has called and knocked and called and knocked. Not sure that he is going to do that this time.

I even got challenged today his 13 year old daughter called this morning. I thought he had told her but apparently not.

"Is my dad still there"

Than she called when I got home from work. "Hey is my dad home, I've been calling his cell phone all day and can't get him to answer and I've been calling the house and I'm supposed to come there and my mom has said that everybody needs to leave this weekend and I don't have anywhere to go. And this is why I haven't been coming because I can't get him to answer the phone. blah blah blah.

That was my excuse to call him right away. But I paused, lied and told her that I have been calling and haven't been able to get him to answer and that when she talked to him she needed to let him know how she feels. And that I know it's unfair and I'm sorry. I know from his phone records that he's talked to her, more than he ever did when he was here and I can't believe he didn't tell her. Soon come. But, it is not my problem, my biggest problem is that I treated him like my H and I treated "us" like a family and he clearly has not. So I can not do anything about the relationship between him and his kids, let that be where it hurts, if he can even feel that!

Still going....72 hours

I'm very agitated today. I did ok all weekend. A lot of depression. I didn't get out of bed from Friday evening - Sunday afternoon. I dragged myself out for my kids we went out for a nice dinner. I cried when I walked in the restaurant. But that was ok.

It's just today, is a day, when I'm pretty sure he is away from her. At least he should be at work and he has not even bothered to call. I'm pretty sure that he was expecting me to call as well. During the week is when I get the best dose of my medicine, I can talk to him several times throughout the day and he will often call and ask me for directions or stop by my job for this and that. I am kind of coming out of depression, but I am still very sad and lonely.


I am mad at him. I am mad that his car is taking up space in my driveway and that I spent 6 years on him and that he doesn't care. I'm on the fence - trying not to do anything mean (trash his stuff & car) - trying not to be a b--- and make excuses to call - like can I get my 10 dollars!!!!!!!!!!

Well, I should be losing plenty of weight in my neck - everytime that phone rings I'm near breaking it to see if it's him.

HG,

Hang in there. Its called withdrawal. You need other things to occupy your mind.

How about TURNING OFF YOUR PHONE!! What a concept.

Because if it rang, and you saw it was your drug of choice, would you answer it?

Stay strong!!

kirk

After reading the blowoff he did to HIS OWN DAUGHTER, I'd think that would've been the biggest turnoff EVER for any woman romantically interested in him.

Who wants someone who uses their KIDS as Kleenix?

What a loser.

Be glad yer gittin' rid of him. His poor kids are STUCK with him...poor babies.

I don't think I would. I have been able to do this somewhat successfully in the past. I feel like knowing he was thinking about me would give me the strength to go longer. I'm hanging in there, but today it's just really tough and you won't believe some of the things I want to say to him. It's getting to my pride right now. Knowing that he got me again!

No, he did not get you again....You, finally, got him by not chasing him, by not begging, by not pleading. You are no longer giving him ego strokes and THAT is getting at him!

Brits - I really need to talk right now. It's getting so hard to not pick up that phone. I don't think it's getting to him, I don't think he cares, and I think he took the love we were supposed to share and gave it to her. I almost liked it better when he tossed me a crumb, even if I didn't want it. Do you know how it feels to have loved this man for all these years and for him to just do this to me so quickly w/o regard for my feelings. I am so hurt! I am so sad! And I need something to help me stay strong - He doesn't need or want me anymore. And he was the center of my life. I just need something to make me feel better about this whole thing. Deep down, I know that he can't make me feel better, but if I can just see him hurting or screwing up with her or hear his voice and have it not be a lie. It's a really tough day for me. Because he know I was supposed to call today - is he just trying to see how long I can go - I don't think so. I'm thinking that hopes I stay gone forever. And he'll just pop up to get his car whenever he wants.

kirk is right--you're going through withdrawal and it is incredibly painful, but it doesn't last forever. Think of it as detoxing. You MUST do this to get clean!

If you succumb and talk to him--AT ALL--you will set the clock back to zero, "wasting" all the pain you've already endured.

DON'T DO THAT! Might take you months or years to feel strong enough to get the courage to break loose again. How awful would THAT be?

Change your phone number! Get a new email address. Do everything you can to prevent him from roping you back into the old torture chamber. The one you're in now (withdrawal) is FINITE. It will end. That other one promises only more years of agony...

And get that car out of your driveway without speaking directly to him about it, whatever it takes. He will use it as an excuse to hook you again when he realizes you're serious about moving on without him. That's what users do.

Remove all possibility of contact. MOVE if you have to!

God, you're so close to making it. I pray you don't waver.

hisgirl,

When you feel the need to contact him or think about what was (or, really, what you thought "was") or how he tossed you aside, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE go to the website I gave you and read or re-read the articles and posts there. I have been re-reading over and over again and each time I do, it reminds me why I don't want my XBF back. Yesterday, I read a question that I will pass on: How would I feel if he had "chosen" me instead? Knowing waht I know, do I really want him back? Its kind of like having a career criminal want me - neither has good character, neither can be trusted - and that is the crux of it all....even if he comes back, how can you possibly trust him not to do this again? What he has done to you is the ultimate in disrespect. Cheating is ALWAYS a character flaw and deceit shows a complete lack of respect. Do you want a man with a flawed character? Do you want a man who does not respect you? A person with character and integrity will end the relationship before moving on to or even looking for a potential relationship with another.

One of the things I am having great trouble with is reconciling the "nice guy" that XBF was at the beginning of our relationship - the one who I thought had character and values and integrity - with the man I later found him to be - a lying, cheat who was searching online dating sites when supposedly in a mutually exclusive relationship with me, a man who was paying for adult websites in search of "discreet relationships and casual sex." In actuality, he is two-faced - remember that expression from when we were kids? Two-faced. There is the face he shows when he wants to impress or be liked or accepted - its the "charmer." He comes across as a "great guy." The people he works with and his friends all think he's a "great guy," responsible, reliable, honest, sincere, compassionate -all those things.....and so did I. Then there's the other face, which is more of what he truly is. The "charmer" is just an act, while the true "him" is the less than desireable, lying, cheat. How would all those people who think so highly of him (including the 27 year old coworker he was texting and sending pictures to from our vacation) react if they knew. Yes, I still think about him - daily. Yes, I still wish I had the "charmer" in my life. Yes, I think about what he's doing. To add insult to injury, he's an EMS pilot and their helicopters are all over the skies over my city and they have a base close to my house, so I have that constant reminder.....BUT reading and posting on the website I gave you helps me tremendously and I know it will help you.

And, yes, I know how it feels to love a man for years and have them do this to me. My XH's affair and leaving me and our toddler son to move to another country to be with his OW broke my heart. He has since returned to our area and is active in our son's life. We get very well, but time has allowed me to see that trust, once broken so vehemently, cannot be restored.

It is with mixed feelings that I report, I didn't make it last night. I cleanned, hung out here for a while, talked to friend for over an hour, talked to God and read scripture (through which I am learning so much).

XBFs D13 called last night, although she talked to him over the weekend, she was still clueless about him moving out. At 5 to 10 after reading scriptures (an hour or more after D called) I went ahead and made the call.... I didn't think he would answer, since he had not answered his D, but he did. He said that he didn't want to, but he let D know he was no longer there, because he didn't want her to keep calling the house.

He asked how I had been and I said Good, that I was worried about the D because she was sad when she couldn't contact him to get here over weekend. The conversation was mutual general, back and fourth. He said that he had been doing well, but that work was slow. We talked about him coming to the house (I asked). Than I asked if he would just be picking up stuff or what.

He asked me a couple of times "is that what you want or do you want me to...?"
I gave, "kind of, no not really, I don't know, I'm confussed." LOL. I know I shouldn't be playing but it is a different position for me, because I know everything He asked why I was confused - and I said I don't know what to do now.

I am sincere when I talk to him, and realize that he may not be sincere when he talks to me or that he's blowing hot and cold. he said that he would call me later this week to let me know how his work schedule is. We ended the call, no relationship talk, no I love yous. I can tell and he can tell that I am getting over it. No last minute pleas, no why can't you come tonight. No excitment - no sadness and very little care whether he calls or not.

Even with that slip up and through the depression, I am focused more on me and my spritual, than I am on him. And one of the most important things that God is reminding me is XBF will/has left me but he will not. And when it hurts real bad, I do cry out to God, and he gives me peace beyond all understanding.

The call to me was a sign of strength - I have not had my hit today and today is better than yesterday. I still love him, and there are still things that I want to share with him (conversationally, not about x-relationship). but it will be a long time b4 we can do that.

Does anybody think this is not to bad?

Well, the one thing you'll get here that you won't get from your BF is honesty...

Has it occurred to you that you're feeling better today because you just got a "fix?"

And where will that leave you in a week, or two, or three?

I see you sliding back down the slope, girl. Hope I'm wrong.

Thanks for your reply. It helps to talk to someone.


Yes, it has occured to me that I am in fact on a bit of a high from last nights contact. But, thank God, I feel like my greater high/comfort is coming from elsewhere. In my weakest moments I miss him and I want him to come home, but even through that I know that it's not what I wish it was, and it's not all that worth it.

Yeah, more rough days ahead, but I think knowing myself, that I need to wheen myself off.

his Daughters school just called saying D didn't come to school today... well she doesn't live with us and I have told them that multiple times. I had my dialing finger a ready. But I didn't .

I kind of wanted him to call today, but he didn't and that's ok. I feel better now b/c I know it really has nothing to do with OW - and everything to do with him and us.

It doesn't even have anything to do with "us."
It's ALL about him.

Hope you can withstand the pressure to get back on that same 40 miles of bad road.

Keep praying.

I'll keep praying. And I honestly don't think he wants me on his road anymore.

Oh, he'll want you on his road, as long as he can keep you there while he keeps changing lanes...

Do not believe anything he may tell you. It's all manipulation. Stay strong and save yourself.

Why does xbf look like a sad puppy?

I totally screwed up the NC rule. He was over the night after our talk. I was high all day yesterday and have suffered a bit of a low last night and today. I've taken my phone call dose on both days. The calls often agitate me and rarely leave me with a good feeling.

So, he gets to the house and I swear I have not seen him look so sad in years. The common denominator here is cheating. The puppy I saw the other night was actually the puppy that I fell in love with - the man that slept with multiple W. It was amazing for me to see it after all of these years and I am just baffeled by it. If he is so freaking happy why is he so freaking sad. I mean this man looks like he just burried his 1st born.

I know it's his true sad look, in 4 years I have only seen it one other time when he was worried about a relative in the hospital.

Because its all an act to make you feel sorry for him and keep you around. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE go and read and post on the website I gave you. This is classic behavior to keep you hooked - to keep you his Fallback Girl.

TURN OFF YOUR PHONE! AND LOCK YOUR DOOR!