I think it is obvious, that in today's society, we have been taught that the goal of men is to better understand women. I think that this is a completely erroneous argument. I believe that this has set up a very flawed self image in men. Men should first seek to know themselves and what it means to be a man. I believe that this would better serve both sexes. Men have been taught in both the media (sit coms, news). That women are the smart ones. Just look at the example that men are given to model themselves after. Tim Allen, Homer Simpson, Jim Belushi. The list is endless. Men are portrayed as low brow idiots who can't do anything right without their wives. This is wrong and horribly demeaning to men and by proxy their wives.

You can read countless stories on here of men who are afraid to act like men. Who live in fear of their wives. As the bible says. Men are to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave up his life for it. But women are to also recognize their husbands as the leader of their families. Many men have been told all their lives that they are just stupid, oversexed neanderthals. And the sad thing is, they are often more then satisfied to take on that role.

This is not an anti woman thread. It is a pro woman thread. Women have also been warped into thinking that they are to lead their families. To have it all, career, kids, and of course the submissive husband. Sorry, but the state of our marriages are in such poor shape that this must be addressed.

After this feminization of men, we are left with milque toast card board cut outs of men. No wonder why after being discovered in affairs women often look haughtily at there husbands and say, this is your fault. And the men are only to happy to believe it. Compounding there adulterous wife's sin by allowing them to use them as whipping boys. This has created an incredible lack of respect and consequently a love destroying environment that decreases the chance of reconciliation exponentially. A WOMAN WILL NOT LOVE A MAN SHE CANNOT RESPECT. THAT IS A FACT.

I have started this thread to address the weakness in men who jeopardize their marriages by not commanding the respect and self respect they deserve and their wives, so desperately need for their confidence and security.

One of the best books on this subject:

Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul
by John Eldredge

.... in my opinion

PS - " not commanding the respect "

means not providing the leadership

I agree pepperband, I have found after men being trashed for the last 50 years, it has left society with a model of a man that is immature, violent, selfish and lacking self control.

Some how, who ever came up with the idea that if tare down men you lift up women. This is also a ridiculous premise. When you tare down men you are left with men who victimize women. Men respond to someone they can look up to, Someone they can model themselves after. When you tare a man down. You get exactly what you speak against. When you can point to an example and say to a boy, that is what it means to be a man. He has something to reach for.

Also men must be willing to take his position as a leader. A woman will gladly give the lead to a man who has his head screwed on straight and is looking out for the welfare of the family. She only takes the lead when the man refuses to. And some men are just too lazy not to stop her. They figure if she wants to do it..I'll let her. WRONG. That is the moment she starts losing respect. If she is better at figuring the bills than the man, then yes..let her, but be involved and learn to do it yourself. A woman wants security and she wants it from her man..she doesn't want to have to provide it for herself if she has a man.
Pepperband is correct

Not commanding respect is not providing leadership.
A woman that is being led well respects her man immensely.

link to previous discussion of this topic

A discussion for which I took a lot of heat, I might add !

Brad Stein, Very funny, clean, christian comedian.

I guess i am either naive or living under a rock or something because i do not believe this is the case. I still believe that men are the leaders of the home. At least that is the case with most of the people i know IRL. Women may be a little better at "running the household", but the man is still the one who is "in charge of the household" IMHO.

Why would you even marry a woman who "pushed you around"?

I agree with you in part, but there are so many dynamics at work than just men being like Homer Simpson. Both sexes are at fault for the breakdown of the nuclear family. More men nowadays want their wives to look like a supermodel and expect the wife to even engage in threesomes, watching some girl on girl action, or whatever other fantasy thoughts come to mind. Gee that's going to make your wife feel special and loved.

The problem with women is that they buy into the notion that M is 50/50 when it's not. Yes there are two people but there's no way to divide responsibilities equally. If a woman is a SAHM she should not expect her H to cook and clean 50% of the time. That's impractical and silly but some go to extreme that equal is equal not matter what. However, the H should recognize and appreciate what his wife does for the good of the family even if she doesn't bring home a paycheck. Unfortunately I see the majority of men taking their wife for granted in this area. Isn't it said that WW feel emotionally divorced from their H's by the time an A is underway?

Women get resentful, men gets resentful and the M suffers. There needs to be a balance.

Great topic and right on!

My DH has become the man I've always dreamed of. He LEADS our family and has even been called the patriarch by people outside of our family. This has not always been the case! There was a time in our marriage where I was the one who wore the pants, so to speak, and I resented it. No more, and I LOVE IT. I love handing things over to him, he takes the load, the worry from me and deals with it.

He read "Wild at Heart" and it changed his outlook a lot. Great book.

By the way, my DH has changed so much and is so much stronger. Now when he meets someone, he says, "Hi, my name's David and I am politically incorrect."

Your belief is right..however there are women who will constantly challlenge a man's authority. I have seen it and lived it. The man should be the leader of course, but I have seen where he has just laid back and let the woman do it. I am not saying he is not the leader....sometimes he just doesn't assume it as he should.
You want to see an example...look at some of the BS men who refuse to stand up to a wife who has cheated on him..he cowers to her demands...afraid that he may lose her. This is where he needs to be a leader

I agree with this 150% and it is everywhere you look it is RIDICULOUS!


I also feel that the majority of men take their wives for granted when it comes to as i put it earlier "taking care of the household" whether they are SAHM or not. I work a full time job same as my H and i feel things should be 50/50 with EVERYTHING.

My H actually got upset one night because there was a thing on the news about how many dads knew things about their kids and he could not answer any of the questions. The question were things like "What is your child allergic to?, When was their last doctor visit?, What time do they need to be at their various activities?"

BW do EXACTLY the same thing as they are afraid they may lose their WH. And they have to be the leader most of the time in recovery same as BHs. It is not gender specific, infedelity hurts PERIOD!!!!

Of course infidelity hurts, and I never said anything was gender specific..just pointing out how men should take a leadership role and not cower to unreasonable demands..this thread is about men..I know women do the same too, but we are not discussing that aspect

Yes i know it is about men and i am a little touchy on this subject.

IMHO "women" get bashed far too often here on MB.

I work from home and my H works longer hours and deals with the commute so I do take on more of the household duties simply because it's impractical in our situation. Doesn't mean I expect him to never, ever help me but I also want it to get done too. If I left it up to him....tick tock tick tock...some time in this lifetime would be nice LOL. We all can get lazy and get overwhelmed. I know H works hard for our family but men also need to realize there's more to being a provider than just a paycheck and women need to stop yelling at them for not making enough money.

understood..didn't mean to cause a trigger..if i did I apologize

If you find those things that are most important to you, you POJA them with your wife - e.g. playing basketball with the boys every Saturday morning - and then you are left feeling no resentment about what SHE wants to get out of the marriage (i.e., how she'd like you to spend time with her).

Is this a one sided discussion then?