Sparky...

How about writing out a plan of what you will do should OM ever somehow get in contact with you?

Make it pretty darn specific...

Ex: If he calls the home phone I will IMMEDIATELY hang up and call Sparty...

If he emails somehow, I will NOT open it, immediately forward it to Sparty and then immediately call Sparty...

If he approaches me in public I will say only, "Get away from me" as I'm turning to walk the other direction to leave AND then I will call Sparty immediately...

If Sparty and I are out eating and the OM comes in to the restaurant, I will IMMEDIATELY inform Sparty, have our food boxed to go and LEAVE...

Stuff like that...Done for all possible circumstances you can imagine...Your marriage is something that both of you are to protect together as a TEAM...Get on Sparty's team Sparky...

Mrs. W

My opinion? Stay in your home and in your bed. If Spartan asks you to sleep elsewhere, do so. But you need to show that you want to be with him as his wife, his partner, and mother of his children. You can't do these things if you're elsewhere.

Don't ask for a kiss, but through your actions show you'll accept one if he offers. Be present so that if he needs your comfort you can offer it.

He just texted back and that's what I replied with.

I'm leaving for lunch with my coworkers. You are more than welcome to call me while I'm out.

YES!

Sparky, leaving right now would only demonstrate to Sparty that you haven't changed! Isn't it your pattern to tuck tail and run when the going gets tough?

No More...Now is the time to stand your ground and face this...

Mrs. W

MS, do you know what my H said to me Sunday after we met with our church leaders about introducing OC to our church family? I had just told him how proud I was because when asked, HE said HE will read the letter he is writing to the church in front of the church. He turned to me and said "it is time for me to take responsibility for my choices"!!!!!! Big big big love bank deposits for me.

I have needed to hear those words for sooooooo long, MS. Spartan needs to see your actions line up with your words.

As Mrs. W said, put a plan together!!!

Oh, one more thing...did you change your number yet?

Better yet, didja have all POSOMs emails forwarded to ME?

Faithy knows how I LOVE to shine the light of truth on those things!

(evil grin)

He'd be poopin' outta new orifice in no time.

One more thing for you to consider Sparky...This talk of moving in with your pastor screams "ESCAPISM"...Just like the affairs...just like the shopping...just like the drinking...just like obsessively working out...

I know you can see the pattern...It's time to break it...

Mrs. W

That's absolutely true. I was going with L4's plan to be there, but to let him approach me. As far as everything else goes, I will continue on with the things that need to be done in the house and with the boys.

I have extended my boundaries further than I ever have before. My coworkers wanted to go to a restaurant that the OM goes to and I told them that I didn't want to go for personal reasons. I could feel the anxiety building up inside of me and when they agreed to go elsewhere, I felt so much relief! When I went to the girls room, I asked my female coworker to answer it if Spartan called (they know each other). I could have taken it with me, but it would have been a trigger for him if he heard me answer it in the restroom. I'm being as acutely aware of his needs as I've ever been.

I know you're chompin' at the bit for an opportunity!

I will forward anything I get from him to you. So far, nothing with is SUCH A RELIEF!! I don't ever want to run into or see or hear from him again to be bluntly honest.

I have stronger boundaries set and have kept telling myself over and over again, "I do not owe the OM ANYTHING."

I haven't changed my number yet because I am waiting on Steve Harley to call me. POSOM is blocked to my number and to my e-mail. It's been a HUGE relief not hearing from him.

MS--I don't believe I have ever posted to you before but have read your sitch. I, too am a FWW and have struggled with the same kinds of issues that you deal with. However, 8 months past d-day and I have not had any contact with OM. I have nothing to say to him, don't want to see him and don't want to have contact with him. He is poison to me--why would I ever want to expose myself (and everyone else) to that?

You are doing the right thing by changing your phone #, etc.

I had to leave my job, my hometown of 43 years, pack up my house, leave my family, go to a dreadful place and leave everything that I had ever known because it was what my H required of me.

Any emails that you receive from him should be deleted without reading or forwarding. You have to erase this OP out of your life altogether. You have to try to turn the situation around and look at it from that point of view.
Good luck to you.

Thank you, Dawn for posting to me. It really means a lot!

I will do whatever it takes to make Spartan:

a) Comfortable
b) Empowered as a man
c) Able to love me again

I have deleted & trashed anything and everything that reminded me of him. ALL OF IT. There isn't one thing that remains in my possession that reminds me of him. I want to go through my cell phone call history and delete his number out of there as well. I don't even want to see his phone number.

HE IS GONE

Once you get through A and B, C naturally follows.

Keep telling yourself that marriages have survived much worse (when YOU feel down).

They have...survived much worse.

You have a flotilla of MB women here lifting you up.

Ya got mail.

And that's EXACTLY the order that I am working for. You notice that trust isn't on the list.....YET. I know it will take years before that is earned.


I've seen those miracles happen here.


You girls are POWERFUL, because I can actually feel it! I've made better choices in one day than I have in years. Today has been SOLID and I feel very accomplished. In fact, the feeling is absolutely healthier and more addictive than the poisonous "meth" drug of the affair.

We have a friend of ours who is a meth addict (now in rehab). I've never done the drug and asked him one day what it did and how it made him feel because I couldn't understand the appeal. He said, "It will make you feel good enough to sit in a pile of your own sh*t and want more." That's pretty much where I was.

No, you should NOT just delete an email if you receive one. You should not open it and immediately tell BH that OM contacted you through email.

LET YOUR BH DECIDE WHAT TO DO. He may tell you to delete it. He may want to delete it himself. He may want to read it first, and then delete it. He may want to email the OM back and give him a piece of his mind. He may want to pay a visit to OM.

Deleting emails without BH's knowledge will only make your BH doubt your sincerity. He must be kept in the loop at all times.

For some reason, my PM's on MB are disabled so I'll have to have a mod take a look and see why. Darnit!!

He shouldn't be able to, but if he does I will let Spartan decide what should be done. I will never open it.


That's the plan not only with e-mails, but as the Christian head of our home. I haven't allow him to do this since we became Christians. The word, "submit" made me crazy, but now I understand the full meaning and am more than willing.

Kimmy must have meant email Sparkster, because PMs are disabled on MB...Boundaries in a place like this are of utmost importance, yanno?

Mrs. W