I am 25 years old and my husband is in the Navy. We have 2 kids and have been married for 6 years. All that time he has been in the service. I found out in the beginning of March that he cheated on me. We went to one counseling session and by the end of March I knew we were definately getting a divorce! He has gone to Legal to start all the paperwork so me and the kids can go back home (AZ) but If anyone has any experience dealing with military divorces any help would be greatly appreciated. I was thinking of filing for legal separation first? I am going to be jobless as well when I return back to AZ? I am entitled to alimony? I have a ton of questions?! HELP?!?!?

What state are you in? That will greatly affect whether you can get alimony or not. However, one thing to remember with alimony is you won't get it if there is not any money to pay. Meaning, with his Navy wages, plus the probable child support he will be paying you, is there any left over? As for moving back to AZ, you need to make sure your ducks are in a row meaning:

1. Don't move WITH the kids unless you have the court's permission in your jurisdiction to move with the kids. He will have to consent to this and have everything filed with the courts. MOving with out courts permission WITH kids is a big no no and could really throw a wrench in your chances for custody if he decides to fight you.

2. Google your state's family court website and see what information is there. If it's not online, go to the local court house and see if they have a self help center. They should have all sorts of free information on what the laws are and what you can and can't do. This is invaluable in saving money with your attorney. Instead of paying your A to explain something to you you can look up yourself, you are now paying your attorney for his expertise in helping you position your self for custody / property division / alimony in the best light possible within the framework of the laws of your state.

I am currently living in Hawaii. I am going to file for divorce when I get back to Arizona. I want to file for legal separation here in Hawaii before I go back. I filled out a lot of self help forms off of HI's coutr website but not sure how fast I can get them filed and if they are filled out correctly. I know he will not fight me on custody of the kids! He knows they are my life. He has already started the request for an ERD. Navy guidelines recommend he support a spouse and 2 minor children with 3/5 gross pay. That is what I am asking for plus half the cost of daycare.

Use all the leverage you can. Military frowns on infidelity. Go to his commanding officer and ask where to start. There should be some counsel they can give you. Also, whether or not there's $ leftover or not, try to get alimony awarded you. Child support amounts can be readjusted after he leaves the military or gets raises.

I did go to his commanding officer and that is how things finally got going. When I first confronted him about this cheating he admitted it but destroyed the evidence so it would have been my word against his but then I stumbled across hard core proof! He is a 2nd Class and I think the basic child support guidelines are too less. He makes really good money! I want to ask for more than the state approved amount. Not an outrageous amount I just want to make sure that my kids are still able to do all the things we had planned for them! I really need alimony because when I get back to AZ I will have no job and I have not been working in my profession for over 5 years! I am not trying to be greedy but I do need help!

BTW....I have no idea if they are going to punish him but I dont think so since I know of a couple more guys in his divison who are cheating or have cheated on their wives!!!! Plus he hasnt said oh I am getting in trouble! So who knows? I am just praying everynight for the healing to begin and to protect my kids!

my dh has been putting me through the same thing. i think he has ptsd. he just go back from iraq. i decided not to get divorced right away. as far as i know from my dh's CO, the spouse is entitled to the bah if she has the children. the bah is more than i will get if i ask for child support, plus i still want the benefits entitled to me and life insurance if he dies.

oh and btw, he only gets in real trouble if u present evidence of the affair to his CO and he gets court marshalled.