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Quote:
So, will 3 sessions with the Harleys really make a difference?

YES, a huge difference.

If you know ahead of time that you will only have 3 sessions, you may be able to email Steve a short history of your background first so that you don't have to spend a lot of time giving background info. When you call to set up the appt. you can explain your sitch and see what they say.

We've done both traditional MC, I did IC and we counseled with SH.

We accomplished more with Steve in one session than we did in MONTHS with other MCs. And that is no exaggeration.

I wouldn't hesitate to counsel with Steve if I were you. I don't know your story at all, but our experience with him was phenomenal.


Me,BW - 42; FWH-46
4 kids
D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006
D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR)
Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007

In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. smile
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P.S. if you do this, in order to make the most of your session/s with him, I would make sure to be very knowledgeable about the basics here, things like:

~total transparency
~NC letter
~exposure if the A is still ongoing (or suspected)
~all ENs
~Lovebusters

Again, I don't know your sitch so not sure "where" you are in this process...some of this might not apply.


Me,BW - 42; FWH-46
4 kids
D-Day #s1 and 2~May 2006
D-Day #3~Feb.27, 2007 (we'd been in a FR)
Plan B~ March 3 ~ April 6, 2007

In Recovery and things are improving every day. MB rocks. smile
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Originally Posted By: WhiteRussian
So... now I'm thinking, I/we could get 3 Marriage Coaching sessions with the Harley's. Three would be it, though, unless maybe thereafter we only got one a month, but I doubt we can do that. So, will 3 sessions with the Harleys really make a difference? Should we go Harleys and then our insurance-paid therapist? Should we jump into both at the same time (which seems like a bad idea because they could conflict)


I would throw everything you have into counseling with the Harleys because they don't mess around. They really know how to save marriages, and they won't waste your time with a lot of psychobabble nonsense. They get down to business and give you a PLAN to save your marriage. This is not the kind of thing where you go in and pay someone to listen to you bloviate for an hour. Heck you can do that for free at home.

You will get more out of 1-3 sessions with them than you would with months/years of other counselors. They are worth every penny and won't waste your time.

I hear Steve is often late for appts, but that is because if you need 2 hours with him, he is going to stay with it. He is not one to cut you off in the middle of some good progress to go to the next appt. He is serious about helping you fix your marriage. I have sent my own FAMILY members to him, that is how much confidence I have in him.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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And take EXHAUSTIVE NOTES! you will forget alot, so it is important to write everything down.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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I had my first talk with Steve on Monday of this week.... man he's good....I felt so connected right off he got a handle on my disaster....If you look at it in terms of what a devorce well cost you it will seem a cheep price to pay.... I'll know alot more in a week or so, but for us if we have a chance Steve H will be the one to find the way....


Me BS 54
XWW 51 Divorce final 1/9/12
DS26 DS24 Twin DD's22 Married 29years
D-dates No1 01/2007, No2 08/2008(ongoing)
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*sigh*

Well last night H finally got around to opening the email a friend sent for the intervention.

He spent the whole evening crafting a response that basically said "OK, you think I may have a problem, and I am going to a professional. As for my child, I don't want kiddo growing up in a loveless marriage with my wife constantly AO at kid and I." Umm first off I don't AO at my kid, and second of course there is ZERO CREDIT for my improvements. UGH! I DON'T AO ANYMORE! I really have to say I am impressed with MYSELF that I was able to break it, but I WAS! Dammit, he is so committed to finding fault and ending this. And, really and truly I can't believe he is attempting to slander my name as a parent. I am a good mom. No, I am a GREAT Mom. Seriously, I'd love to deck him for that, because it's complete bunk.

So I told him about the option of FREE (to us) sessions with the Harley's and then later a new MC, and of course I got "Well I was never too sold on the MB stuff. Seems like alot of blah blah rah rah." Ummm Yeah. I told him that's like saying "I'm not to sold on giraffe meat, when you have never eaten giraffe."


BS, 28
WH, 36 11/08-? EA(s?), no PA's, lied (net&women)
MLC end 5/09? Enter R smile
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***tap, tap, tap "Is this thing on?"***

Sorry, I guess I am kinda feeling lonely and needy. I came back here hoping for more words of wisdom or misery loving company or whatever.

I also am eager to see whether my longggg answer to the questions the ?yesterday? were consistent with my desired direction...

I love you all... I'm postively addicted to this place, because without it I feel very alone in all this.

Last edited by WhiteRussian; 04/22/09 01:52 PM.

BS, 28
WH, 36 11/08-? EA(s?), no PA's, lied (net&women)
MLC end 5/09? Enter R smile
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Have you called the Harley's and set up an appointment?

If not, what are you waiting for?


Happily married to HerPapaBear



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***sigh*** I don't know what I am waiting for??? I guess I am sorta hoping H's new IC will get him on-board Friday. Wouldn't it be best if we were ALL IN? (And my HNHN and FILSIL CDs are coming tomorrow or Friday, so I'll be better prepped after that.)

I'm in a nervous phase again.

Anyone else ever notice that there are REAL UPs and REAL DOWNs? Like I feel sometimes like I'm on the eMotion rollercoaster


BS, 28
WH, 36 11/08-? EA(s?), no PA's, lied (net&women)
MLC end 5/09? Enter R smile
M 2000
Child, 5.5 yrs

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WR, posts get lost sometimes; sometimes you just have to remind us.

Your H's email is extremely typical when men are called to task. Protect your image. CYA. NEVER look bad in front of other men. The instant they have to do this CYA, nothing else matters. In fact, they may go overboard and pin everything on others, people they feel they can walk on, so they don't look bad. Remember, men are all about winning. (generally speaking)

fwiw, I am extremely proud of how much you are standing up for yourself. Best way to go, IMO.

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Originally Posted By: catperson
WR, posts get lost sometimes; sometimes you just have to remind us.

Your H's email is extremely typical when men are called to task. Protect your image. CYA. NEVER look bad in front of other men. The instant they have to do this CYA, nothing else matters. In fact, they may go overboard and pin everything on others, people they feel they can walk on, so they don't look bad. Remember, men are all about winning. (generally speaking)

fwiw, I am extremely proud of how much you are standing up for yourself. Best way to go, IMO.
I know posts get lost, I just get so antsy LOL. You guys REALLY ARE my main way of walking this path... I'd never be able to do this without you guys.

Interestingly enough, though H totally tried to pick a fight last night about the email he received and how offensive it was, I think I defused the situation pretty darn well. Though he doesn't fully hop on board, I think I managed to get him to put a few cans from his 6 pack into the "they do care, it can't hurt to explore a circadian disorder or dysthymia." I was really careful in how I chose my words and how I maintained my voice, as they say "despite the spewings of the infidel."

And, emmmm... it worked out so well that we ended up SF last night and H is kinda talking about working mentally up to coming back up to our bed for more than just the occasional SF. blush

(And I kinda think I maintained my head pretty well, because funnily enough, after H had turned down my advances, he invited me down to the basement to "talk." And then when in passing the comments went thataway, I said "great, let's go upstairs." H tried to talk me into going ahead downstairs at his makeshift bed, but ummmm naughty I'm not going to give that place any associations of thrill. Uh-uh. So he came upstairs and, well.... lather, rinse, repeat smile )


BS, 28
WH, 36 11/08-? EA(s?), no PA's, lied (net&women)
MLC end 5/09? Enter R smile
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Hopefully tomorrow will be a new day for you, but there will be many ups and downs ahead! Has your husband ever been to IC before the last few months? He seems very willing to go, which for a man seems out of the ordinary.

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Originally Posted By: FaithHopeLove
Hopefully tomorrow will be a new day for you, but there will be many ups and downs ahead! Has your husband ever been to IC before the last few months? He seems very willing to go, which for a man seems out of the ordinary.
He never has been to IC, unless you count speech therapy as a child of 5-7. To be honest, I'm not really surprised he's open to IC. You see, before all of this crazy foggy crap, my husband was the kindest, sweetest, gentlest man I'd ever known. He never has feared what people think of his masculinity, and frankly that is probably for the best at 5'8". He gardens (not flowers, but other stuff), and reads for pleasure, and experiments with cooking stuff that is only really good to him LOL. He's unique. He's always been so concerned that sons aren't taught to be manly, but to be humane, and that daughters aren't taught to be weak or afraid of math, mechanics, or things traditionally called masculine. The need to join a gym and lift weights and act like a cad are just so out of character, it's not even explainable with any words I've ever heard frown


BS, 28
WH, 36 11/08-? EA(s?), no PA's, lied (net&women)
MLC end 5/09? Enter R smile
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Hmmm........your husband does sound interesting. No wonder you want the husband you know back.

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Originally Posted By: FaithHopeLove
Hmmm........your husband does sound interesting. No wonder you want the husband you know back.
Yep. GAWD, though I hope I'll never have to write a Plan B, I have no doubts I could cite more than enough for a love letter.

When I was pregnant with kiddo, I ended up on bedrest. I had such a hard time with things that I ended up spending my nights on the couch in the living room because it was easier to use the couch back to climb upward for all the midnight potty breaks... and since I wasn't supposed to walk very much at all, it made the most sense. My H was so wonderful, he pulled the cushions off the other couch and put them right in front of my couch and slept there every night. Many nights he'd start the night by laying on his back and grabbing my feet and massaging them until one of us fell asleep. I miss that H frown


BS, 28
WH, 36 11/08-? EA(s?), no PA's, lied (net&women)
MLC end 5/09? Enter R smile
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Checking in for my daily dose of sanity...

H had is first appointment with the new psychologist this morning. Part of me can't wait to hear what he felt about it because a friend of ours thinks so highly of this Dr, but the other part of me dreads that he could've been blowing smoke up the docs tailpipe and walk out of there with only increased hubris...


BS, 28
WH, 36 11/08-? EA(s?), no PA's, lied (net&women)
MLC end 5/09? Enter R smile
M 2000
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OK, may I please just rant for a moment? Because you guys are the only ones that *get* this.

So many people just default to "divorce his a$$"

And even the ones who don't default there immediately, well they "get tired just watching [us] go through this and think that maybe it is just time to admit when [I'm] beat"

GRRRRR that's not support! I vastly preferred being told I should be nominated for sainthood. sigh


BS, 28
WH, 36 11/08-? EA(s?), no PA's, lied (net&women)
MLC end 5/09? Enter R smile
M 2000
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So the new therapist did tell him what I always knew... the OMG soooo horny for you infatuation that he deems "romantic love" is a normal pathology that lasts about a year or so and then has to graduate into mature love... and in all the animal kingdom the proclivity is serial monogomy, but as HUMANS we are superior and must endevor to not succumb to animalesque ways... HAHAHA Oh and H has homework.


BS, 28
WH, 36 11/08-? EA(s?), no PA's, lied (net&women)
MLC end 5/09? Enter R smile
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Glad to hear it.

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H is still talking about "when he moves back upstairs in the near future." Hmmm... still don't get it, but he has a huuuuuge emphasis on how it must come in his own time.... so sooooo hard to wait...

I have to admit, I probably did a little no-no, though. Last night H hugged me goodnight and it was a slightly longerish hug and man, I just neeeeeded that, and when he pulled away, I was bawling. So he hugged me some more and then I begged for some more and then he hugged me some more... dammit, I just NEEEED to feel some affection. It's killer. Despite it all, he ended up downstairs again, but he did come up in the morning and cuddle up with me in our bed for about 7 minutes or so. UGH. I just need to get through this. I sooooo miss him, but I'm seeing more and more of him peeking through again, so I am hopeful, though cautiously optomistic.


BS, 28
WH, 36 11/08-? EA(s?), no PA's, lied (net&women)
MLC end 5/09? Enter R smile
M 2000
Child, 5.5 yrs

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