Dat's raht....Ima ho from Idaho!!

bump

Melody this is funny, I have only ready a few pages of your inquiry, but get the gist, and I asuume you're talking about between husband and wife.

Well just based on me the why is pretty obvious, but the "how to" is not so much.

For me and our in married life I have honestly never touched her inappropriately in Public nor would I try to embarass her and never did even when I was drunk....oh yea taking her and kissing her unexpectadly and maybe my hand ocasionally on her butt but Not breasts or anything else that belongs at home.

At home is different matter, and I equate 'groping' with teasing and playfulness. Ya just wait for you partner's signal as in "Mission Control" and I feel I know her's. If she doesn't want then I am backing off...if she does...then simply Liftoff...

Thanks Melody, but you need to define the population of your survey...*s*

Tom

Melody,

On the other hand I do have to preface my previous post with the fact that in my generation and my wife's we never really talked about this type of stuff to anyone maybe outside of each other or the family. But, we didn't have the internet when we were first married, and even into the 90's.

It is not the she and I did not talk about it but we did not with others.

So I guess just simply, even tho I felt your topic was humerous, I would rather leave that to the exclusiveness between a husband and wife. Just too not into 21st century I guess...*s*

Thanks tho,

Tom

Hey Melody,

If the 'groping' issue is like anything public or prohibeted, just look at your old movies..meaing older films of which I am a fan of...and well John Wayne and Randolph Scott did Not do that at least in public or unwanted, but Lee Marvine Did look like at least he wanted to, and well he got shot by either Wayne or Scott for it.

Just wanted to fight back..*s*

Tom

Tabby your description of your Wstbxh is so often JUST like my Wxh. He would do stupid stuff like grab my breast and jiggle it and make a goofy face. WTHeck!!!! As someone else mentioned, I think Mel, it got so bad I just felt like walking in the opposite direction whenever I saw him. Or he would come into the bath room while I was on the toilet and rip his pants down and wildly wave his um, thing in my face. Talk about an instant turnoff!

I've been seeing a new man and let me tell you....I don't mind being touched at all. He is VERY affectionate and I am melting back to the kind of woman I really am. He actually can't keep his hands off me but it isn't annoying or what I would call groping at all.

So I guess what I am saying is it is technique maybe? Then again some woman just might not like being touched like that....if she doesn't like it and he keeps it up it would definitely be a LB.

Yes Pep! Exactly!

Some women carry themselves differently in that being grabbed causes them to react. I have never wnated to scare my wife but there have been times I had teased her by pinching her butt. Those times, very few and far between, were not supposed to be foreplay. I only did it when things were good between us and when she was in bad mood I knew better.

Why did I do it then? It was a tease and she knew I was just playing.

Now then I have to say that women can send mixed signals to men. Probably because we are partially dense but I can remember a couple times when a girlfreind was upset and yelling at me and I would tr to talk to them but when it seemd hopeless I would leave. Then later on she would yell at me and say ."Don't you know all you had to do was put your arms around me and kiss me?"
????????????

Then theres the sexual suggestivness of phrases like "Take me" during foreplay or when women tell you that they consider themselves your property and its your responsibity to make them happy. Last but not least..isn't it considered the common procedure for men to make the first move? I mean I feel sorry for the guys who grabs a handfull on a date lol, thats not what I mean. Is there not times that married couples are playful in there sex life and a "come here" move by hubby might be welcomed? I have allways been confused when women refered to sex being "having fun". I was allways very seriuos about sex and considered it mostly my responsibility to make sure we both had, ur, a "good time" lol. Having fun made me laugh, Sex made me happy and smile. Two different things.


Why do men grope...when they do... I think its part of the "Me Tarzan, You Jane, kinda objectifying of females that at best should be limited to play and at worse, could be some myopic way men express thier dominance when they are insecure. Like goin to a strip club and thinking they are in charge,lol. I don't know very many emotionally healthy women who would prefer to be manhandled. I don't know any women who would come to think of it. Most of my success has come by being tender and attentive with patience and when I wasn't connected it was not as good anyways

Tom, we are on Marriage Builders. So obviously, that is the population.

I like this, this is the "sister" thread to mine on the other board.

Why do men send flowers? Why do men bring candy? Why do men catcall at construction sites? Why do men use cologne, wear a clean shirt, buy you a drink(s), make small talk, but most of all,

Why do men grope?


Larry

whatevah~!

So when you are "in love" it's no longer offensive or even "groping" at all. It's not "technique" but rather based upon the feelings [and sometimes mood] of the recipient. I'm certain the "feelings" of the groper have an impact as well.

When a husband and wife are "in love"...handling this issue becomes pretty simple.

However, when a couple is not "in love"...the issue of "groping" becomes a huge lovebuster. When you are at war with your spouse...you are quick to dj them. Man A may "grope" his spouse to push her buttons and piss her off passively whereas Man B may "grope" his wife because he's still in love with her but Man B's wife will dj him and THINK he's doing it to aggrevate her or objectify her where Man B has no such intent. Man C and his wife may have a little bit of both mixed in consciously or unconsciously depending on the day, month or year.

Groping can be an annoying habit for sure. It CAN be abuse. But when a couple is "in love" it's rarely a problem because both partners are more in control of their actions AND reactions (husband more in tune with spouse and respectful and wife more responsive and accepting of sexual innuendo and even non-sexual touches).

Thus...the SOLUTION to MOST groping...

Fall in love with each other again.

What's your plan?

Mr. W

As someone returning to MB... I can say that this subject is near and dear to my heart.

For me... I loved my wife's body. She was my perfect and every time I saw her I melted. It was all I could do to not touch her all the time, whether simply touching her shoulder or giving her a 'safe' hug or walking up behind her as she cooked and cupping her butt as I kissed her on the neck.

We had almost NO sex life. She seemed to always welcome my touches, but they never led to sex.

For me... I touched her and I LOVED to touch her because I LOVED her. I loved everything about her body, and I never meant to objectify it. It was loving, affectionate admiration in my heart. She would grab me often as well. It was a running game for us. The sad thing is that it essentially replaced our sex life. Not intentionally, but by default. It was often the most 'sex' we would have in a month.

So Melody... I understand your concern and feelings. But for me... it was a huge LOVE BANK deposit in MY bank... both as the groper and the gropee.

MrW, I *AM* in love with my husband and I hate groping. I have a romantic, passionate relationship with my husband and I loathe being groped. I always have. Now, what it can do is affect the feelings I have towards my H to such a degree that every touch irritates me. That DOES affect the love I feel for my husband, though, because it is a lovebuster.

I understand that some do not view it as a lovebuster, but others do, regardless of the level of loe in their marriage.

MelodyLane- I agree that this is something that I do not like AT ALL. Most likely to the point that it is a love buster for me. Especially if said groping is done in inappropriate places. It is funny, it was such a love buster for me that now looking back, I can't tell you when my WH stopped doing it because I was relieved it had stopped. I don't miss the groping but it was one of many signs I should have seen but missed.

So to me, gropping=love busting.

I think that for women with a strong sense of self awareness of thier physical body it feels disrespectful and because its ussually not invited, (groping being percieved and being grabbed and not the same as being passionatly ravished when invited), I understand why it bothers women so much especially when thier minds are occupied with other things and they are nowhere in the mood for that kind of behavior.
Also, there should definaty be an invitation given out that she is in that kind of mood ar interested before a guy agressivly puts his hands on her even if thats what she wants.
Being married does not stop the need of romantic gestures and emotional needs being filled before sex. It may be OK for occasional spontaneous sex if both parties want that but in a relationship that is balanced with life issues and is not just about sex its more realistic to set the mood.

Im not dissing the ones out there who are so much in love that they practice unrestrained passionate grabbing of each other without any form of time and place restrictions. I just never have lived a life when that was possible when other aspects of living did not get in the way. I think most people understand that.

Men who grope when asked not to are being rude and it mostly has to do with some male ownership/control (mal)function.

So slap-em

Mel, the solution could be to get him a pair of squishy stress balls. Your H may just be looking to use you to relieve his symptoms of stress, carpal tunnel or arthritis.

Here's a link to a DIY stress ball that can be decorated accordingly:

http://www.organichealthblog.com/2008/make-your-very-own-stress-ball/

just a thought

--ElCamino72