ok heres my story.
I met my wife about 17 years ago, we were just friends and about 2 years later we started dating. from that time we dated off and on. and this last time (which started in 2006) I proposed after about a year and we got married in feb of 2008. we generally get along great..even now. getting along isn't the problem though.
My wife has a 2 bedroom townhouse, I have a 3 bedroom house. they both are about the same size in square feet but her place appears to be bigger cause she has a living room and dining room where I just have a living room and a third bedroom and an eat in kitchen(they both are small)
Before the wedding, we came up with 2 separate plans as far as living arrangements. first she was going to move into my place and either rent out or sell her lace. somewhere along the lines that idea was forgotten and we talked about putting both places for sale and getting a new place. at the wedding got closer I was getting my place ready to sell and she kept saying she was concentrating on the wedding. I eventually put my house on the market, assuming she was soon to follow suite.
around 4 months into having my house on the market, it still hasnt sold (th beginning of the housing market crash) and I had a talk with her telling her that I know she is holding out but now she needs to start looking into doing something because we are gonna be stuck in 2 different houses once we got married. she listened but nothing ever happened.
after the 6 months on my real estate contract was up, I realized she never had any plans to do anything and was a little upset but I didnt say anything. I told her I was going to do a few more things to my house to make it more appealing to potential buyers and try again later. then I talked with her about what she needed to get done to her townhouse to get it ready and I went over to her place a few days and started on some of the work. I had to go back to work and figured she would finish up some of the stuff I started and I would get back to it when I was off again. (by this time we have been married for about 3 months). she didnt do anything and didnt mention moving again.
the entire time this is going on even now. we see eachother about 2-4 times a month, have sex MAYBE once a month and pretty much have a telephone/text message marriage.
about the 6 months into our marriage We talked about it again. she said she was going to start getting the house ready in june when her daughter is out of school. then june came and she say july. then july came and she just didn't say anything anymore. by this time I was frustrated and we pretty much didn't talk about moving in together anymore.our 1 year anniversary came about and we sent the weekend together and had fun. then a few days after that I started thinking and the fact that we have been married for a full year and it still seems like she is dodging the living arrangement was really bothering me. I then told her that we are not going to go another year as a married couple living in separate places. a few days after that, she called me and started telling me what she wanted to do when she moved into my place. she made a big deal about closet space and I told her that she has 4 full closets she can use for her clothes, if that isn't enough room, the clothes she doesn't wear can be put in storage with the other stuff we will have to put in storage. She got really defensive and started talking about how much she was giving up to be with me, and how Im selfish and isn't thinking about her. I told her that she is being difficult cause she don't want to move in, that 4 closets is plenty of room.
it really got out of hand and became a big shouting match. afterwords we didn't talk for 4 days eventually she told me she wanted to come by and talk about it. she came over, she was a little more receptive to things and we worked out how we are going to do this. the bad thing is I noticed that she has been looking up divorce lawyers and researching separation and divorce.
to be honest. I love her and want to stay married to her, but I will not stay married another year living in seperate houses?
I just wanted to know what you guys think about this situation, and what do you think about her researching divorce lawyers. we still got a few more months till the agreed move date.
