I had an idea that I would like to throw out there. Maybe it's been done before, maybe not, and maybe it's a bad idea but here's how I came up with it..

My DD needed a sponsor for AA, and someone recommended a very nice lady and she agreed to do it. I think she will really help my DD since she has a DD about the same age.

Anyway, last weekend I had a meltdown and Queenie was there for me and talked me through it. I was so grateful that she was there for me with some sane thoughts and reasoning.

So I thought that it would be nice to have an MB sponsor program. This is so hard on all of us, and we just sometimes need to talk to someone who gets it.

I would like to volunteer, and if there are others out there who need someone or would like to volunteer, I will offer to coordinate. The terms would be anonymity of course.

Just trying to pay it forward in some way.

I've often thought that myself!!! Good idea. I want one! I want one!! (If anyone is willing!! LOL)
I'd love to think someday I could BE one too!!

Funny, that is exactly what I was going to say. I am still too messed up myself to be of much help but I could sure listen if someone just needed and ear and a shoulder!

I have a couple of emails but I do not keep up very well, in fact I am awful since this has happened.

Perhaps a better idea was never found! Yepper, I'd LOVE a sponsor (I can think of a few who really rock, as a matter of fact) And, I think it really is nice to even as a relative newbie, take a newer newbie under my wing, too. It's that old adage that one learns more when teaching

I think of the forum as sort of a sponsor program, with the added advantage of "sponsors" hooking up with people they know they relate to.

For example, some people have an emotional approach to their problems and like to chat alot. I am terrible with that type, but others here are wonderful. That types needs alot of sympathy, so those who are good at giving sympathy [not me!] are better for them.

I am better with those who are willing to follow a strategic plan without too much drama. Drama will ALWAYS be there, for sure, but not to the extent that it impedes a logical strategy.

I agree but I also think there are times when this might help. Before MB weekend and their addition of other help I hated the slow times here. I posted and posted and then the weekend would come and I felt very alone. I know I can be bigger than that, more mature, but the emotional toll this has taken on me sent me over the edge. I wished I had a Mommy, well someone else's Mommy maybe. Yup, without traffic here I was losing it some days. Those days it would be helpful especially for the newbies and those going through a big crisis at that moment.

Ohhhhh! I soooooo get all you said, especially that. One of the kickers for me has been that though I have been out of contact with my folks for nearly 2 years, I know they'd rejoice and have an awesome time of it if they knew my marriage was in a bad place. I have often wished for and wondered what it would be like to have a mom that loved and cared for me, genuinely, whose support I could count on. I have often wondered how much my lacking family has effected me... how much MORE it adds to this. I sometimes post 2 or 3 posts in a row just because I'm feeling so desperately lonely and shaken by all that is happening.. it's hard. Hard as H3ll

Man do I know what you are saying. My mother would be blaming me for not being able to keep my man :crosseyedcrazy: She absolutely hated me and took every opportunity to tell me that from the time I could understand it. She has been dead for, gosh I don't even know without looking it up. The rest of my birth family are all dead. I have two sons but it is not something I want to burden them with it often. My friends are a ways away from me mostly and they just respond by asking if they can bash GM's nose then next time they see him. The ONLY person I have to rely on and talk to is GM and that can be pretty awful sometimes, mostly for him.

I totally understand. I think for the most part I am past that very unstable time and am spending my time reading here more than posting these days. I have a lot to think about and I tend to get distracted from that if I get into my thread about other things having to do with this. Taking it very very slow. There is a lot to digest for all of us. If you get really really upset ask for my email. I am not good at answering right away these days but when things IRL settle a bit after a couple of weeks I should be around more.

I hate to think of that feeling and think of someone else going through it alone or just in need of a conversation.

White Russian

I UNDERSTAND this so much. Post away. We are here for you.

I'm in on the sponsorship.

Melody, I hope you read this and respond. Would you agree that one might be able to work the 12 steps around and affair as a BS? In essence it would give someone SOMETHING to do?

Obviously I'm not qualified suggest anything like that, but you have been around for a while, have an amazing understanding of Plan A and B principles. Would this work at all?

Chai, this is a great idea.

Melody I think this is actually a brilliant notion. Being the emotional person that I am, and because I'm an addict/alcohlic it never occured to me that is wasn't about me why people didnt post to me. For someone who thinks more logical, why I would be absolutely ANNOYING....

It's also about understanding your strengths and steering people towards the right match ups.

That's a great idea, Chai. I know that some of us good hooked up anyway through being IM's or having IM's from the board. So that is good--BF and I have had a great time talking and she can vent when she needs to in whatever language she likes with no offense and I know that helps, LOL!!

I guess a concern might be for any male/female sponsors and vice/versa...though I admit I "sponsored" a chap from here quite by accident and I think it helped both of us, now we are intermittent pen pals, LOL!! Nothing sexual but one of these days we would love to have lunch if I'm in his town or he's near mine.

Just lunch, though. No dessert!!!

Charlotte

I agree! I view Plan A and Plan B as strategic steps that are therapeutic to an affair in the same way as the 12 steps are therapeutic to alcoholism. As an AA sponsor, I have little patience for those who ignore the steps and instead focus on their emotions because I know they will never make it out that way. I grow frustrated and can't help them.

It is very hard for some to put their emotions aside AT ALL to run a strategic plan, I do understand that.

Ok, so when someone can't get out of their emotions, how do you help them?

This is great. I by am no means a professional counselor or anything like that, but I am willing to let someone cry on my shoulder all that they need to.

DM, I was thinking of pairing females with females, and males with males.

I set up a yahoo account - sponsor4mb@yahoo.com

Just email me and I will do my best to match 2 individuals who are willing to participate. If you don't want to give your real name, at least let me know if you are male or female in case it isn't posted. I assume everyone is a BS? Also, whether you need a sponsor or want to be one.

Queenie's mine though

I have to say, I'm a yapper & it would be much easier for me to Plan B if I had someone to yap too or even with!! LOL I don't want to subject anyone to 24/7 whining- but I have NO ONE. Maybe I just need a whining buddy?? LOL Really, I'm trying to move past that! I swear!!
I'm a thousand miles from home & WH already took care of my only friend here. We are on our 6th town in 5 years!! Haven't really felt like developing friendships considering the past two years.
I have a superficial relationship with my mother, but she's a bulldozer-

I've said before that I just want someone that gives a da** about me to hug me & tell me I'm going to live through this!! LOL
I've told WH this is a process & conducting an A seems to be as well. But, I got totally stuck on step 1 or 2, couldn't move through the steps...

That's the gazillion dollar question. People have been taught for so long to answer the "how does that make you feel..." question. Love counselors and HATE them in the same breath.

Feelings, they can betray you in a heartbeat. What ever happened to what is morrally right? Just do the right thing, damnit! *okay, off soapbox now*

I kind of do this already with a few people from here and some who are in self recovery post divorce. But I am always willing to help.

I do have a few people I talk to offline, either by email, IM or phone calls. I am open to helping others if needed.

It never fails to amaze me how hard it is to see outside your own sitch, yet someone else being there and comforting you and giving the well needed boot as required, can make the worst day get better.

I don't know how to help someone like that. If a person can't put aside their emotions they usually don't make it, in my experience, because they can't stick to a plan.