Hello,
I'm new and don't know all of the abbreviations yet so please bare with me.
My 2-month EA (internet chat, email, phone text, never physical contact) ended nearly 6-months ago. My husband found out at the same time (suspected and searched computer for evidence). It took me a few weeks to tell him everything and he had to pull a lot of teeth to get all of the truth out. I had a very hard time admitting everything, but finally did and he knows all (though he still doesn't truly believe he does, I understand that).

My husband (the BS) and I are committed to getting through this and improving our marriage. We've had some counseling and we're going back for more. He's rightfully asking me to DO something each day to build trust, something with high-impact. Most of what I've done so far - cancel all but our shared email, change phone number, etc - have been at his prompting.
I'm highly motivated to build back the trust and ensure him that he is my number 1 priority, but I'm lacking ideas and creativity for things that will really, strongly make a difference.
Can those of you who've been betrayed please tell me what specific actions made you feel that your spouse was with you 100% and making up for the pain and grief they caused you and your family? Not just that they love and care about you, but the actual work done to rebuild trust and facilitate healing.
I deeply appreciate your input.

Tell the whole truth everyday about everything.
Let him know where you are and what you are doing all day long.
Always answer your phone.
Offer to take a polygraph.
Offer to carry a GPS phone.
Offer to have a weblogger on computer that blocks all networking/social websites.
Answer his questions over and over again.
Write down everything that has happened.

Kudos to you for trying to rebuild your trust. Its a long road, aint gonna be easy and you might find that your enthusiam will fade because your time frame for when the wound should/will heal might be a lot shorter that it actually takes.
My input would be to take the cues from you H and do WHAT EVER it is that HE needs to help close that wound. Each preson has diffent triggers based on the circumstances.
Also take a good look at yourself and see where you own weekness lay in what enabled you to start fulfilling your needs elsewhere.
What was missing, what allowd you to get tempeted and take the path that let out. Only you know the answers to these and you need to make sure that you put those precautions in place for yourself so you dont find your self unprepared when those situations present themselves. Speak up and fix what was wrong ((no matter whose to blame for it) and patch that relationship hole for good making the new bond better and stronger. BOth things need to be done simultaneous, fixing the relationship and fixing the wound, dont ignore one for the other.
Obviously I am BS so I can only speak from my point of view, perhaps some FWS's will come along with specifics of what worked for them.

Unfortunately, my wife has done next to nothing to make up for the pain and grief she caused me or to rebuild the trust she destroyed. Here are a few things I wish she would do.

Do not act and talk as if you are entitled to "privacy". You have no right to privacy any more. NONE.

Understand that your actions have put you in this position, NOT his reaction to them. You put yourself in this position by being unfaithful.

Tell him in your own words that you know you forfeited the right to be trusted unconditionally and that your life is now and forever an open book to him. EVERYTHING IN YOUR LIFE IS OPEN TO HIM. If he wants to know how many times you went potty today and whether it was #1 or #2, tell him.

OFFER to be transparent in every thought and action you have without him having to ask you. If you have a tempting thought about OM, tell your husband about it and ask him to help you overcome this temptation (unless he tells you otherwise. He may not want to know. But for many BS's, this shows you won't hide things from them, even a bad thought.)

If there is phone number on your cell phone that you think husband will not recognize, tell him ahead of time who it was and why you called them. Say "I just wanted to assure you just in case you checked my phone and were wondering who it was."

If he asks you about a website you visited or a phone call or text, answer him patiently and calmly. Don't say anything like "I can't take this constant monitoring any more! I can't live like this!" (that's a favorite of my WW).

Read on this site about Extraordinary Precautions you can take. Come up with some EPs, write them down, and give them to your husband. Then put them in place

Ditto the keylogger on any and all computers you use, with a report going to him.

If you are on them, discontinue use of Facebook and Myspace. You don't belong on them as a married woman anyway.

Finally, do all of this for AS LONG AS IT TAKES for your husband to trust you again. Never say or think to yourself
"I've done enough to earn back his trust." You will have earned back his trust when HE says you have.

Wish in one hand and spit in the other. See which one fills up first.

Have you thought about seeking counseling to see why you tolerate your wife's behavior?

Uh, excuse me? What the H do you mean by that?

Also, how is your post helpful to the OP? Say something constructive or go find somebody else to spew your smart a** remarks onto.

Instead of focusing on rebuilding "trust"-- which carries with it the idea of having permission or freedom to do things out from under your spouse's watchful eyes-- it would be wise to accept that trust is not realistic now or in the near future. Your focus should be on showing your spouse levels of what in mB terminology is "extraordinary care." Your actions need to demonstrate on a daily basis that your spouse's well-being is of utmost importance to you.
Trust is off the table for now-- for a long time. But you can do an incredible amount to rebuild a sense of being cared for. Start with the Emotional needs questionnaires found on this site. Both of you should fill them out and share the results. Take the results seriously.
Next read up on Love Busters and figure out how not to do them any more. One HUGE Love Buster by wayward spouses is usually Independent Behavior, also Dishonesty.
Then make sure you find 15 hours a week to give your spouse undivided attention and spend it doing pleasant things you both enjoy.
Repeat as necessary.

Have you read all through all the Basic Concepts on this website? Will your H read them too?

Hi MrsV, welcome to Marriage Builders. What Dr Harley has suggested for affair proofing in internet affairs is that the WS should never be on the computer unless your spouse is with you. The idea is to REMOVE the conditions that led to the affair. Since the computer is the scene of the crime, that would be the first condition to go.

I would offer that along with the suggestion to put eblaster on your computer; this emails him daily reports of every action on your computer. He can password protect it so only he could disable it.

Additionally, you might offer to take a polygraph. Some betrayed spouses have received enormous relief from this.

For me personally, the greatest trust builder was placing a keylogger on my H's computer without his knowledge. I was able to see EXACTLY what he was doing when he didn't think anyone was looking. It did wonders to restore trust to our marriage.

Thanks so much everyone. We're on the right track. I feel good that I've/we've done much of what has been suggested and appreciate the encouragement to continue focusing on him every day. I'm off to study love busters...

Hi Mrs. V,

Hubby and I take turns reading out loud to each other, this allows us to discuss as we read.
We quite like doing it this way.
Just a thought.

Good luck to you.
Take care.