Chai, great idea.

A couple of thoughts. We are not professionals in this field. That is a given. But since we are in this together we understand. Sometimes someone is into a situation more than we can handle. We need to recognize this if they need more than that panic call or tears.

I like the idea of a 12 step program. I am in Alnon and really have just started to work my steps and it is fulfilling and gives ME direction.

I have been blessed to have met some MBers on this board either in person (still smiling about that time) or on the phone. I swear we can sense when we need to talk.

I agree the weekends are my worst time and there is not many people on the board. Would love to have a sponsor to get me over that "friday night funk" or be a sponsor who needs the same.

Chai great idea. Will be signing on.

I'm willing to help too, but I get frustrated on threads where nothing anyone tells a distraught BS gets them to calm down and think.

I've seen some "recovereds" who CAN withstand weeks and weeks of emotional thrashing. Hope some of them sign up too.

Thanks for doing this, Chai. I'll email you to get on your list.

Well, I guess I'll be the naysayer here. Here's the problem I see with this. What if a newbie gets hooked up with a "sponsor" who isn't equipped to guide them through the MB process? What if... they get bad advice from that person and it ends up causing the BS or WS to move in the wrong directions? What if (God forbid) it's because of that advice that the marriage doesn't recover?

One of the things that I think is GREAT about this MB board is that there are so many posters who have their own unique take on things. Vets challenge vets, newbies challenge vets, vets challenge newbies, the whole reasoning process is discussed and maybe helps others who are just lurking to see it written out. What happens if we take that whole process off-line?

What if the poster decides they'd rather just listen to that one person and no one else and that person is giving wrong advice? Or has a secret vendetta against MB? (I. am. not. paranoid.) lol

Maybe I'm missing the whole purpose of this. I can understand the weekend thing, because it does slow down to a crawl. Maybe have people like this willing to be available for weekends?

I dunno. JMHO.

Mel, you are wrong. Truth is, you helped me IMMENSELY when I was a wreck - and you were really the only one capable of doing so! Yes, the ONLY one. You know exactly how to help. I know it's not where you're most comfortable, but it's where you were most helpful. For sure.

ETA: Aw, the kiss is broken! Well, Mel, MUAH!

To sadsosad:

I am your twin and would love your email address.
I have been lurking for 17 months and devouring all . I still
find myself wanting but stronger. I am 54 and ww 62.
Married 28 together 30. Ow. 28 yrs. old.. former employee.

Dag

Pepperband:

I am a woman and just not familiar with this venue.
He is ws I am bs. Very betrayed! Sorry for the misleading information.

Dag

Thats a good point Dag made before I could mention it.


I do talk to MB members offline but I have a EP that I don't try to help women because of my fear that a inappropriate relationship might start.

I have Extraordinary Protections to avoid having my ethics tested.

Only person I bent that rule with is LASunshineGirl and only with APFs informed consent.

More importantly - it sounds like you need to start your own thread Dag. (Dagmar?)

Pepperband

I have been avoiding my own thread for months. I didn't want
to hijack anyones but this seemed to be a topic of outreach
and it appealled to me.

(one of my favorite books)

Dag

I agree with this 100%. It is too easy to lose objectivity when one becomes "friends" offline. And if several people are reading about the situation, there are several minds thinking about that problem.


{{{{{{Julie}}}}}}}}}}}}} you little brat!! You drove me crazy! But YOU WERE ABLE to put aside your emotions most of the time and follow a plan. When it was laid out to you rationally, you could usually follow [if wanted to]. Maybe not the first 3 times, but sanity usually intervened and you were able to put your emotions aside. And even when your emotions took completely over, you would eventually come back down to earth. It might take a few more weeks of hard knocks, but always came back down when reason prevailed.

slick, the chick pool is not that great here. Try Homer's Pick Up Bar on the corner, bud..

Hi Slick,

I waited 4 months after D-Day to post. I thought I could just read and learn.
Boy, was I wrong. I was advised to do things I would never have picked up on, just reading.

Seems like you are way over due.

Slick's a chick ... she just got cornfuzzed on her first post.

Pepperband:

I beleive my first step was finding Marriage Builders.
The next, following the advice of all you who have been there.
This is my second time around the block and like sss find myself with a husband that has devoured my life for his own. That is why I wanted to communicate with someone who is going through it at the very same time that I am. I am not in anyway an expert at this but i have sure learned at lot from everyone here.

Dag

How do I start a new thread??

Dag

I agree with this 100%. It is too easy to lose objectivity when one becomes "friends" offline. And if several people are reading about the situation, there are several minds thinking about that problem.

Me thinks that as in Al-non, you would have a mentor that will talk, listen but help you come to your own conclusions. It will not meant to be for people to abandon the board and a plethora of opinions and thought process.

Because I find the weekends the toughest and the board is very slow it would be nice to have a offline partner to contact for even a chat to help past the rough spots, and be willing to do the same. Still love the concept.

I don't think anyone means this to be INSTEAD of reading and posting here for all the varied advice. Just a voice on the phone when you need one. (Or an email response when the boards go down...does that make everyone else as crazy as it makes me?)

I talk to several MBers offlist. All of whom have several others they talk to. I assume that the people I talk to, fossick through what we all tell them and what they get on MB and work out the most likely course of action from that.

I consider the offline interaction to be supplementary and an additional bonus of MB for the off times, weekends, and the times when 'my' posters are away or busy. I still believe my MB posts to be the ones most likely to help my M