I've done a little internet dating the last 6 months, but it's been on Catholic websites where the pools are small. I've pretty much talked to all the locals I had any interest in and don't care to travel right now, so I'm taking a break from that for now.

I decided to give match.com a try, which is a much larger pool and now I'm actually having some problems, good problems :D, dealing with this.

I started by emailing a few people. After a few days with no replies I emailed a few more. After a few days with no replies I emailed a few more. Well, I'm about 3 weeks into this and suddenly everybody I emailed decides to reply, along with a few that initiated contact. All are pretty good matches, all are attractive, all are Catholic.

My goal when I started was to not corespond with more than a few at a time. Right now I have like 8. I feel like I'm being stampeded.

So for those with internet dating experinece, I have some questions.

Is there some unwritten rule on response time? I know everbody's circumstances are different, but why did I get it all at once weeks later?

I'm still getting winks, is it ok to tell them I'm overwhelmed at the moment or is that lame. The one's I'm not attracted to or obviuosly don't meet my criteria I let know right away that I'm not interested. I just don't know how to reply to the ones that I would be interested in if I didn't have so much going on.

Final question. Even in this situation, the one's that I'm most interested in are naturally the one's that seem the least interested. My number 1 pick actually winked at me last week. I sent her an email the next day. I've never heard back. She added some new pics yesterday. I sent a quick "Like the new pics, hope your week is going well" as kind of a reminder that I'm still here. Is that Ok after a week? Do I wait another week before giving up on that one?

A week ago I was wondering if anybody was going to talk to me. Now this. It feels good, but Jesus! I just don't know how to handle it.

This is all MB's fault, LOL!
I bet you ladies wish every man would come here for a spell

First of all, I think it's good etiquette to let those you're not interested in know right away, so good for you on that.

There is no unwritten rule for response time. It's all about what your boundaries are. How long are -you- willing to wait for someone to respond? Could be they've been out of the country. Could be they're not full members of the site yet and still haven't worked up the nerve to spend the money. Could be that your "wink" or email was the final incentive to break out the credit card and join as a full member.

It's also okay to tell someone that you're overwhelmed in terms of your responses at the moment. I wouldn't ask if you can follow up later or anything. Kinda makes them seem like Plan B, if you know what I mean.

I don't understand what you're asking w/re to waiting for a response before giving up. Are you holding off on emailing or winking at anyone else until you hear back from her? I wouldn't advise that. It's okay to talk to several different women at once. I even think it's okay to have a meet and greet or even a first date with more than one woman. I personally draw the line after that. If I was interested in one woman enough to ask her out for a second date and she said yes, I'd break off contact with everyone else. That's my threshold, YMMV...

I couldn't take it. I narrowed it down to 4 for now. Plus, my neighbors have someone they want me to meet, and she's very interested in meeting me. So I guess I'm actually at 5, LOL! It does seem like people tend to disappear or reveal themselves not to be good matches after a few days of back and fourth. I've just never had this many good people interested at once before.

It's just overwhelming for me. I have trouble trying to handle one woman at a time. 5 is just insane.

Thanks for the advice. We're pretty much on the same page. I needed some reassurance. I'm still fairly new to this dating stuff. It's just crazy how you have to perfect being a casual date and then a boyfriend if you ever want to be a husband again.

Don't make it too hard BC. This should be fun, and the only pressure you're under is what you put upon yourself. Does that make sense? You don't owe any of these women a relationship. Treat them as though you would treat any very new and casual acquaintance; with courtesy and respect, but not fear or reverence.

There's no need to, um... "Handle" them. Wow... Too easy. You just lobbed that right over the plate for me. I'm not gonna swing though.

It's ironic... I went into the whole dating scene so very, very casually and without any expectations. I was really just looking to meet some women to maybe have dinner with, see a movie, and eventually have a little smoochie-time with. Basic need fulfillment, ya know?

A little over a year later I'm almost engaged. *shrug* That wasn't the plan, but I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth just because I didn't necessarily plan the timeline.

My point is, if you're in the right state of mind and you're doing the right things and being the right you, the right things will happen. Again, does that make sense?

Just. Have. Fun. And don't pressure yourself. These things come in waves.

So true. I wasn't looking for a "relationship" let alone marriage when I started dating Mike. I think that casual, take it or leave it frame of mind is actually ideal for finding a quality relationship.

Good luck and have some fun.

I was down to 2 and met 1 for dinner Sunday night. NO sparks for me, she was actually kind of annoying. BIG sparks for her. I talked to her Mon night, still annoying. I'm calling her tonight and will tell her I'm not interested. I still have 1 I'm talking too and 1 my neighbor's want me to meet, probably this weekend. Now that I have the numbers in my comfort level I'm gonna keep it that way. I just can't talk to more than a few at a time.

I already find that now that spring is here and I'm back to doing the things I enjoy, I'm not as worried about response time. Being single during the winter sucks, and I think that's why I couldn't understand why people took so long to respond. I'm getting that take it or leave it feeling, which I love. It's a much better way to date.

Thanks for the responses. You helped me get my head right.

J/J

That's impossible

BC,

the timeline in your sig is pretty close to what i went through and i have been having some success with the online thing too. feels good doesn't it.

match was okay but i recommend plentyoffish. it's free and very active

BC,

Well DUH! She knows a high quality MB ed-u-macted Cajun opportunity when she sees it!

I'm glad you are proceeding with dating. You are a social creature and there's nothing wrong with being social,,,,,,,,,and I applaud you for doing it on your terms and in 'numbers' which you can manage!

As already said here, RELAX. ENJOY. If you don't enjoy a certain ladies company, politely move on.

The right things will happen at the right time. Almost always when we stop watching for them to happen!

Bon Ton Roulet, my friend!

I think you know this already, but I think it bears repeating;

None of the emails and "winks" mean anything until you've had a meet and greet and/or a first date. Friends and colleagues have had swarms of women show them attention online, but as soon as it came time to arrange a date, most of them hemmed and hawed or just disappeared.

But you've got the right attitude-"take it or leave it" will get you far during the initial stages of online dating.

I think you mispelled ed-u-macated

Is that even possible?

Merci pour la gentil mots!
Roulet avec ca Tite-fille!

Your reassurance is appreciated MacNut. I've gotten much better at not taking this stuff personal. It takes a little time to get used to how casual internet dating is.

On that note. My number 1 pick surfaced. We have a date Friday night Turned out she had made a profile, but was on the fence about joining. You can send winks for free. She finally joined a few weeks ago. We've been talking ever since.

I'm talking to another girl that is showing a lot of interest too. I think 2 is my number until I decide to be exclusive.

Then I can HANDLE the 1 all I want

Thanks for all the responses. I needed them. I'm fairly clueless with this dating stuff.

How as the date??

And yes, yes,,,,, I did mis-spell!!! Figures!

Hey Bugs!

The date was awsome. We had dinner and talked until the restaurant closed, then went to a little bar across the street and had a few more drinks and talked until after midnight. It was very nice and the feelings were mutual.

We actually played her son's team in T-ball last night, LOL! After the game we let the kids play on the playground and we sat and talked. I don't think the kids knew anything and our boys ended up paling around, so that was very cool. We have several more games on the same night, so we'll be doing that again. I hope the boys stay playground buddies, that will help things out a bunch down the road, if we get there.

This is looking very promising. I was keeping touch with another girl, but I've decided to let that fade away. I much prefer 1 at a time and this one is very close to me with all the "criteria" if you will, LOL! She even goes to my Church.

Thanks for checking in Bugs!

My oh my! That's wonderful!


Things simply 'falling into place' with this one from the sound of it!

Great date. Lots of talking. Mutual feelings. Boys play ball together. Able to be together without it being any kind of 'deal' requiring explaination to the boys (BIG PLUS!)

AND she goes to your church??!!

SWWWEEET!

I understand completely about only being able to see 1 at a time. If I like someone well enough to want to see them more than once, I can't be doing the same thing with another person. It feels like 'cheating' to me. Not the way I want to start any new relationship.

That, in large part, is one of the things that kept me from trying any of the dating sites. I also felt rather creeped out about random guys on the internet 'checking me out'. I have friends who really enjoy different dating site, and several who have been successful. I may change my mind about it someday, but am hoping it won't be 'necessary'.

Glad things went so well.

I am just naturally assuming she enjoys a Bud Light from time to time?!!

I always think it is better (when you are getting back into dating) to keep it casual at first by dating several. Just my opinion.

When I was on match.com (before I was married), I met all kinds of interesting people, and did lots of fun stuff. Never married any of them, but came very close on 2. But 1 guy I met is still a friend after 18 years. You just never know.

I met and dated a Navy officer, an electrical engineer, a male nurse, a property developer, a chicken farmer, and an electrician.

My son is trying out Craigslist, and has met 2 very nice young women. Trouble with that site is you will get a lot of spam, pros wanting you to pay for their web site, but there are some real ones too.