Hm, I guess it might have made him realize there might be some family issues. Maybe this is an effort to control you. Maybe it is an effort to run away from reality.


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Listen, before my daughter's ordeal was totally over, I lost my sister to the Land Of Denial....it was easier to be mad at me for agreeing to prosecute her son than it was to be mad at him for what he did to my daughter.

He is a grown-up. His issues are his issues.

Your child is what you need to deal with. If you don't want to tell him over the phone, don't do it. Just hit him with it the next time you see him.

Thanks cinderella. I don't know what it is, but each time my brother lets me down (at least once a year, usually around DD's & nieces birthdays) I'm shocked and hurt. Not only did he refuse to partake in the "family meeting" I called, but he also blame-shifted ("well you were never real clear...can't you give me a CLUE what it's about??") and manipulated, and completely dissed DD on her birthday - not even a phone call! UGH, screw him. Hate that.

Have been meaning to post back here after DD's 2 appts the other day. She met w/psychiatrist who promptly changed & increased her meds. This really weirded me out a month ago, putting my kid on drugs, but came as such a relief the other day - clearly what she's on isn't working. So I'm glad about that. But, I was a little put off when we were discussing the meds & she looked @DD & said, "well what do you want? This is your treatment" This just days after being reminded by a VERY wise and close person that I've done that to DD too much myself!

She also met w/IC. They have the beginnings of a good relationship, but it's so hard to tell right now with all this "new" stuff being thrown at us. IC said to me "she's a very smart girl. Smart enough to know that this is not the path she wants to be taking, and smart enough to snow me if she wants to" What scares me is she's right. DD could be snowing me too.

School counselor remains diligent and I will do random strip searches at home. Really still longing for some sort of help/support for ME. I'm not walking on eggshells & our house doesn't follow her moods, but I need to get better educated so that I can be a valuable resource to her. And myself. OH yes, and DS!

You can do this..... my mom totally sided with my sister in all my stuff. My sister quit speaking to me. My x is not helpful.

I'm an ADD mom. Have an ADHD son. All I needed was a suicidal ADD daughter. You know, it stunk!

Your daughter is old enough to have some say. A smart psychologist/counselor will know when she's being snowed. That's why I was SO VERY VERY grateful we already had a relationship with one. And, I hope that both her psychiatrist and counselor know a lot about adolescent issues.

While it would be great to have your brother's support, remember that he has his own life and other people's problems may be more pressing on him. You don't know all the stuff he's dealing with.

You have no choice but to do this. Well, you do but it's not a good choice. So, if you need your own support system outside your family - if you need a psychiatrist to help you or a counselor/therapist/psychologist - get it.

Also, remember that not every mental/emotional health practioner is a good match for every patient. Sometimes, you have to change practitioners to find one with whom you and your daughter can establish a good rapport and can work effectively.

You're right. I can, I have to, and I will! There is no alternative. And I firmly believe we will all be better for it.

It's not that I was looking my brother's support, but moreso I wanted to let them know that my niece knew & kept DD's "secret" for her which is a BAD "life-skill" and while we're at it, figured they'd be wise to make sure niece isn't doing the same since this is so dang "trendy". But, I refuse to buy into their crap so for now I will focus on MY family & hope they do the same. Truly my brother & his family aren't a great resource to me or my kids anyway...so this SHOULDN'T be a surprise to me. It's just that we're cutting SO MANY people out - and I feel bad for my kids! Though I really SHOULD feel glad - we're trimming the fat.

I am sparing no expense when it comes to DD & getting her help. Have the same attitude w/DS, should he need somebody again too. But for me, I'm hoping to find something a little more local and...how you say...free. Or free-ish. I appreciate your sharing with me & your support.

Julie,
there is a ton of free information about teen mood disorders at depressedteens.com. There are a lot of 30 minute podcasts about things like types of therapy, the importance of sleep,substance abuse, and other self-care issues. When the kids hit the transition years they do have to start taking more responsibility for their health care decisions and this might give you and her some good tools to work with.

As for the psych turning to her and inviting her input, that probably was not a bad technique. If she takes part in and agrees with the decision she is more likely to comply.

In the teen years, almost all of the teens who have been on meds for depression or mood instability will try to go off their meds. Often, they don't bother to tell anyone, or do something foolish like pretend to take them. I do not recommend leaving a teen to take meds unsupervised, especially if cutting or suicidality has been an issue.

Thanks, Chrysalis. FYI, I dispense her meds to her. At this stage in the game anyway (just 30+ days in) I don't see her trying to NOT take them.

As for this: See, that's where I'm again not finding the balance. Training myself to do the "I'm the mom, you're the child, I will make the decisions & that will be final until further notice" more often so I freaked when the psych put it on her!

Thank you for your feedback. I need all the help I can get.

This may not help you right now, but for the future, may I recommend www.daughters.com? It's a down to earth website that guides you on all sorts of issues that girls 10-18 deal with. It's been invaluable for me.

Wow, thank you! I've bookmarked it.