If I'm not mistaken, I've seen it stated here many times that a Plan B letter SHOULD be a love letter outlining a path home for the wayward spouse.

See here...
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2214852#Post2214852

That would be the way Dr H would state it...

Catperson,

Knowing your history I completely understand and feel much the same way at times. All of the stuff listed though goes with no contact. I may even expand on the letter to include the list of requirements.

I don't get what you're saying.

I was refering to your letter version I should use. The "I can no longer bear to look at you without wanting to throw up."

When I read this during my last post it seemed much more angry compared to the one I borrowed from Rod.

That was what I was saying.

Monc,

Dr. Harley specifically states that a plan B letter should be a love letter, with a well defined path home once the affair ends. Rod's letter is well done, use it as your template.

God Bless,

JL

Oh. I was just trying to get you to remember your path. I didn't think you would actually use that letter. Just keep in mind that you have a right to be angry with her, so your letter isn't all kissing up. That's all.

fwiw, I think that other letter is way too long and sappy. She will never even finish reading it in her mindset. Maybe later. So I was trying to get you to stick closer to facts.

Our Three Year Anniversary was yesterday and today she sent me this. I'm really not sure if I'm looking for any thoughts. I talk to Mark1952 on the phone often enough to get an opinion on current events. I know she was at her brothers wedding a week ago and was thinking "how many people did i tell about her", and I know she is telling coworkers that I'm simply "trying" to prove her affair rather than it being true. I just figured I'd put this up. Mark1952 had said that the fact that she is even wondering who knows says my wife is still in there somewhere... *shrug* Sometimes it's hard to see anymore.

-------------

What do I have to do to be free of you, "my name"? What's it going to take?

You want my money? Here. Have all of it. I'll write you the ***edit*** check now. I'll pawn everything down to my underwear. I'll sell my car. I'll return every piece of jewelry you ever gave me, if you just let me go.

You want the wedding gifts? Fine. Keep them. I hope they make you happy. But let me go.

You want something else? My organs, my blood? I'll extract them now and hand them over. But let me go.

Because if you're going to insist on the whole "til death do us part" ***edit***, there are ways I can arrange that. Right now, I am ready to drive my car into a ***edit*** tree. I am ready to slash my wrists or swallow bleach or inhale the contents of a bathtub just to get free of you. Just so I don't have to be tied to you one more ***edit*** day. If you're going to insist that I live my entire life as your wife, then I will go ahead and end it, because I can't be your prisoner anymore.

I need to breathe. I need my own name back. I need to know if I can ever plan anything good for myself ever again without the shadow hanging over me of how much you will punish me for having something for myself without you. I need to know if I can do things like buy a bed for my own ***edit*** house without worrying that I'll need money to pay my ***edit*** lawyer to make you go. the ***edit***. away. I need to know that you are human enough to see that I am dying, tied to you like this. It is killing me. You are the worst thing that ever happened to me, and I cannot live like this. I need to know that you have a grasp on reality, that you realize that this is over. Please tell me you realize that if I am offering to kill myself just to get away from you, then you cannot possibly in good conscience believe that it is right to cling to me anymore, or insist that I am in any way obligated to try to pretend to be happy with you for your sake.

You cannot make me happy. YOU CANNOT MAKE ME HAPPY. I cannot make you happy. EVER AGAIN. All you can do is set me free. That's all you can or will ever be able to do for me, is set me free, and if you cared about me at all, if my life meant anything to you, you would do it. You would just sign the ***edit*** divorce papers and ***edit*** let me go. Rather than drive me insane, rather than watching me struggle so frantically to get away from you, rather than endlessly pursuing me and thinking that all you have to do is talk me into staying trapped with you, let me go. Let me live.

You cannot talk me into staying with you. You can't. And if there is nothing I can do to get away from you, I would rather take a bullet to the brain than stay your wife. If I have to spend the rest of my life tied to you and your delusional ideas of how our first marriage is more important than my freedom or sanity, then I will inhale a box of sleeping pills tomorrow. And yes, I will have spent the remainder of my life tied to you, just like you want. But at least it won't have to last as long.

Please let me go. I am begging you. I am begging for my life. My life is not yours. My soul is not yours. My heart is not yours. My body is not yours. And they will never willingly be yours ever again. Accept it. Let me go.

Please, let me go. Stop punishing me. Let me go.

Simply tell her if you hear/read comments like this again you will immediatly call the police because she is threatening her life and welfare....and if she continues she will most likely be sent to a mental institution against her will for being 5150 (insane).

GOOD LORD.

I don't think I have EVER seen a wayward spouse this spoiled.

She is humiliating herself. Remember, everything she says is MANIPULATION. SHE IS TRYING TO CONTROL YOU FOR HER OWN BENEFIT.

Ok, this is NOT MB, but if I were you? I would take her text, send it back to her and say:


You want my money? Here. Have all of it. I'll write you the *edit* check now. I'll pawn everything down to my underwear. I'll sell my car. I'll return every piece of jewelry you ever gave me, if you just let me go.
OK. We will meet at XYZ and sign the papers. You will GIVE UP EVERYTHING YOU EVER OWNED IN THIS MARRIAGE.

You want the wedding gifts? Fine. Keep them. I hope they make you happy. But let me go.

You want something else? My organs, my blood? I'll extract them now and hand them over. But let me go.
Put it in writing; let me know.

Because if you're going to insist on the whole "til death do us part" *edit*, there are ways I can arrange that. Right now, I am ready to drive my car into a *edit* tree. I am ready to slash my wrists or swallow bleach or inhale the contents of a bathtub just to get free of you. Just so I don't have to be tied to you one more *edit* day. If you're going to insist that I live my entire life as your wife, then I will go ahead and end it, because I can't be your prisoner anymore.
Go ahead.

I need to breathe. I need my own name back. I need to know if I can ever plan anything good for myself ever again without the shadow hanging over me of how much you will punish me for having something for myself without you. I need to know if I can do things like buy a bed for my own *edit* house without worrying that I'll need money to pay my *edit* lawyer to make you go. the *edit*. away. I need to know that you are human enough to see that I am dying, tied to you like this. It is killing me. You are the worst thing that ever happened to me, and I cannot live like this. I need to know that you have a grasp on reality, that you realize that this is over. Please tell me you realize that if I am offering to kill myself just to get away from you, then you cannot possibly in good conscience believe that it is right to cling to me anymore, or insist that I am in any way obligated to try to pretend to be happy with you for your sake.
You are welcome to do whatever you want. I will continue, however, to inform EVERYONE WE KNOW what you did.


You cannot make me happy. YOU CANNOT MAKE ME HAPPY. I cannot make you happy. EVER AGAIN. All you can do is set me free. (to *edit* my OM) That's all you can or will ever be able to do for me, is set me free, and if you cared about me at all, if my life meant anything to you, you would do it. You would just sign the *edit* divorce papers and *edit* let me go. Rather than drive me insane, rather than watching me struggle so frantically to get away from you, rather than endlessly pursuing me and thinking that all you have to do is talk me into staying trapped with you, let me go. Let me live.

You cannot talk me into staying with you. You can't. And if there is nothing I can do to get away from you, I would rather take a bullet to the brain than stay your wife. If I have to spend the rest of my life tied to you and your delusional ideas of how our first marriage is more important than my freedom or sanity, then I will inhale a box of sleeping pills tomorrow. And yes, I will have spent the remainder of my life tied to you, just like you want. But at least it won't have to last as long.

Please let me go. I am begging you. I am begging for my life. My life is not yours. My soul is not yours. My heart is not yours. My body is not yours. And they will never willingly be yours ever again. Accept it. Let me go.
You are sick. You have been infected by an affair. It has infected your brain to the point that you think this endorphin-controlled feeling you have is reality. IT IS NOT. Some day, you will realize what you did to us, your marriage, your parents, your family, your children...all of us - just to get a 2-day fix of sex.

I feel sad for you.

You'd think your WW could write a letter without so many F-bombs!

Why is it angry people think they make your letter hit home more, but...

While I was reading her letter to you, I was reminded of an animal that has its leg stuck in a steel-jawed trap and will gnaw its leg off to escape the trap.

You should go to B soon.

Charlotte

I wish you didn't use that analogy. She has already called herself "trapped in a bear" trap.

Sorry, it's what came to mind. You want me to erase it?

You need to be in B to protect yourself from these tirades.

Charlotte

I agree with Plan B. And my WH said the same thing "Just let me go." It's painful to hear these words. But hearing them helped me realize just how broken he is. And your WS seems very, very broken.

Haha, no Dancing_Machine it's fine. It was just a momentary...ah damn it.

If we're voting, I vote for...

PLAN B

You were writing a Plan B letter a couple of weeks ago. What happened to it?

Seriously Folks ... exactly what is there here to recover???

This is a 3 year M between "twenty-somethings" with NO CHILDREN.

This W doesn't seem as much "wayward" as just fed up ... ALL SHE WANTS OUT OF THIS M ... IS OUT OF THIS M ... PERIOD!!!

This is not a fogged up babble ... this is pure HATRED for Monc and their M.

IMHO, the best advice for Monc is to simply sign the D papers and move on ... there's simply NOTHING left to R.

Sounds COMPLETELY 100% WAYWARD to me.

It's manipulative drama ridden fog-babble that should be ignored.

Now there likely isn't much value in trying to save it (you're young and there are no children) but that's MONC's decision to TRY and even if he fails, which is likely, there is value in the effort. That he lived up to HIS VOWS and tried until the very end to "love, honor and cherish her" even in these "bad times".

This letter...email is NOT, in itself, the final word erasing all possibility of reconciliation. It's sole purpose is to attack any hope MONC may have (i.e.-manipulation). Her ACTIONS are what's erasing the possibility of reconciliation (not the words in an email) and thus, attack the affair, expose it, make it so horrible OM dumps her and then, just maybe, SHE will come back to reality.

Sorry if I missed something...haven't read this thread in a bit and don't know all that's going on.

Mr. Wondering