I haven't started a new thread in a while but here goes.<P>On November 7th, my younger son will be attending a sporting competition. It happens to be on the weekend that my wife has visitation. I (like a fool) assumed my wife would give me that <B>one</B> day to be with my son... or that she would come by herself... BUT NOOOOOO...<P>She is bringing back all three kids to the competition as well as her OM (i.e. sponge). She even asked my son if it was OK to bring OM... and of course (out of politeness...) this sensitive 10-yo said OK. Then when he gets off the phone with his mom... he says to me <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>You're (me and my W) aren't going to fight this time... right!<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><B>History:</B><BR>The first time I ever met OM was at my duaghter's dance recital (mid-June... 3 1/2 months <I>before</I> I ever learned about MB). What a huge blow-up. After the recital my W and her OM wanted to take all three kids for ice cream... I was coming off of a 4AM arrival that morning from a business trip (after not seeing my kids for 5 days.) And 2 weeks before the OM was invited to MY house by my W while I was on another business trip... he played the "new daddy" routine!<P>Anyway (at the end of the recital) I said... NO WAY! Then there was the yelling and screaming and in general an awful scene... I'm still amazed we weren't all pull out by the police. I finally had to relent... and my daughter went with W and OM for a short time... but both my boys stayed with me. I cried... my boys cried... and my mom was there.... boy did she cry! My daughter said after the whole mess... she <I>was</I> upset by the whole fiasco.<P><B>Present:</B><BR>So here I am again in a similar position. I am <B>Plan A</B>-ing as best I as can (she moved out 8 weeks ago and sponge move in to her apartment that I paid for). The competition is in a big gymnasium... and should have plenty of seating... but to see my son I will have to get physically near W and OM.<P>Any suggestions on what I should do? say? how I should act?<P>I ideally would like to stay with Plan A through at least the Christmas holidays and then late January or Februrary go into Plan B! I've been doing an informal Plan A since the dance recital... with only a few LB episodes.<P>I do want her back!<P>Any ideas on how I can get ready for this... so that I won't love bust.<P>Jim<P>-------------------<BR>I can dare myself... I'll put a pebble in my shoe...<BR>I can walk... I can walk! I shall call the pebble Dare...<BR>Dare shall be carried... And when we both have had enough<BR>I will take him from my shoe, singing... "Meet your new road!"...<BR>Finally glad... Finally glad... That you are here... By my side...

Tough topic that nobody wants to touch and I can understand why. This is going to take patience plus and a lot of self dicipline. More than I can even imagine. You have to be on your best behaviour for the sake of your kids. Over the longrun, they will figure out who was the ggod guy and who was the bad guy in all of this and for your long term mental health and theirs, you need to be the good guy. For now you cannot do anything for her so put the two of them out of your mind as much as possiblke. Having them in there will ony drive you nuts anyway. Focus on the kids and keep your thoughts straight.<BR>God Bless

Lots of prayers from everyone including yourself that He will give you the wisdom to say and do the right things. I will pray for your encounter (for lack of a better word.)<P>MONDO HUG!!! God be with you!!<BR><P>------------------<BR>God Bless,<BR>Rob<P><BR>

Is this topic that hard to reply to! I would have thought that at least 1/2 of the people here would have run into OP...<P>Any good ways of handling the contact?<BR>Things that worked?... helped spouse come around quicker?<BR>Things to avoid... besides the obvious... murder?<P>Jim

I feel for you, at least I didn't have to see om at my kids sporting events. I did have a couple tough times with my w after she left coming to games.<P>The first was our daughters first all star game and my w left after seeing our daughter play 1 inning because she had a date with om(they went to see Eyes Wide Shut).<BR>Then at a swim meet that my w took our d too I tried to Plan B her and didn't sit near her. It about killed me as I watched her sit there and act like nothing was going on.<P>Then at another big meet we sat together but she kept getting up and leavining and then coming back. I helped her fix her cell phone and then she called om. We all went out to eat and then she left to go back to om.<P>These were all very difficult situations, I can't imagine how I would have reacted if om would have been there(w did promise that om wouldn't come to anything for a while).<P>I guess the best advice is to give them room. Let the kids decide who they want to be around.

NSR - YUP - it's a really hard topic. I've been lucky. My d does NOT want to see anyone except H and he's respecting her wishes so far. <P>You have to be good, though, since you have so few options. It'll be hard, but you can pull it off. You're already thinking of the kids and that's all it takes.<P>Good luck to you. <P>Lori