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And so he made up his mind to leave, regardless of how Jackie took it, regardless, even, of what it meant to the children
Very nice!
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That had been at her insistence,' Vidal later recollected, 'and based entirely on her passion not for me but for Paul.' She thought that a fake engagement might force him to leave Jackie once and for all.
It's special enough to make me tingly all over.
JW was "tormented" as being viewed as a homewrecker? um....okay LMAO She wasn't tormented enough to stop and give up like she expected Jackie to nor tormented enough to not get preggers with OC. Don't believe for one minute that pregnancy was an oops.
Funny how the public is supposed to buy the Hollywood fairytale at face value and just smile. 50 yrs of affairage doesn't change the truth.
BW - me exWH - serial cheater 2 awesome kids Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot. --------Eleanor Roosevelt
No doubt, I thought I'd made mistakes. The difference is, I didn't choose an affair as the solution to my mistake. My XWW decided an affair WAS the solution to what she repeatedly said was a mistake.
However, it is funny that she never ONCE voiced the idea that our getting married was a mistake until she was with OM.
So the idea of it being a mistake has some merit. Yet it must be balanced against the re-writing of history that typically comes with an affair.
I wonder how much better his first marriage would have been if he had put all the effort he was putting into the affair into his marriage?
The mistake is seldom the person. We are all incompatible. The mistake is typically how we choose to conduct our relationship with that person.
BW - me exWH - serial cheater 2 awesome kids Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot. --------Eleanor Roosevelt
I wonder how many here, BS, WS and FWS alike, have wondered at some point in their M if they made a mistake and there was someone better suited for them, or their spouse, out there? Ever considered what you'd do if you actually came across such a better match?
I have never had this thought i have always thought my FWH was the man for me and i only have had eyes for him since the day i met him .
He may have done well in his life despite the fact of his despicable behavior, but he was still an adulterer and a hypocrite at that.
Later in his life, "when asked about infidelity, he quipped, "Why go out for hamburger when you have steak at home?"
Liar.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage ********************* “In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
I'm not sure whether you realize it or not, but I myself am a FWS...What I think it takes to become a FWS is genuine repentence, and as I told you in my last post that means to "change your mind"...To totally and completely renounce your past behavior...I do NOT think that is possible while remaining with an affair partner...Remaining with the affair partner would not allow you to fully change your mind...An affair is a totally toxic relationship and it can never be anything else...
I had not seen your point on view as either of BS or WS. I can see why our views might differ based on the which side of the window we are on. Kudos to you on having put in the hard work to earn your F cause I can see my H's effort and know that its not easy. Somtimes based on my reactions he feels like he is taking one step forward and 2 steps backward and will never get to the finish line. I am very proud of him for sticking around and working hard at mending what he broke and rebulding a loving relationship with me. I am actually starting to feel happy and a small sense of security of being in together. Afraid to give in completely yet but I can see the buds blosomming. I guess we will have to agree to disagree on the rare occurances that good relationships can sometimes come out of muddy waters.
FBW(me)- 45 FWH- 53 D-day 4/29/08 Moving forward pursuing happiness & a loving Marriage with DH.
I wonder how many here, BS, WS and FWS alike, have wondered at some point in their M if they made a mistake and there was someone better suited for them, or their spouse, out there? Ever considered what you'd do if you actually came across such a better match?
I've wonder if my M was mistake on occassion...more in the past year for obvious reasons but I wouldn't divorce my H if I met a better match. Plus what is a better match? My H has some wonderful qualities. He does lack some qualities that I wish he had or at least had more of X that I like. But if I came across a "better match" how would I know unless I started taking applications? Just as APs think they know each other and think they are soulmates, they don't know crud. They only know the "good side" the AP shows them and ignore the obvious glaring that their soulmate is a liar and user.
BW - me exWH - serial cheater 2 awesome kids Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot. --------Eleanor Roosevelt
I wonder how many here, BS, WS and FWS alike, have wondered at some point in their M if they made a mistake and there was someone better suited for them, or their spouse, out there? Ever considered what you'd do if you actually came across such a better match?
I am sure all BSs ponder this soon after Dday. Many WSs and FWSs seem to think their OP is a better match (and a lot of cases). Then there are those who are just want it all! Personally, I have wondered if there is a better match for me...like another BS that has similar Top 5 ENs...but I made a commitment and am trying to stick to it.
Me: 32 BS DDay: 9/14/08 Slowly coming to the realization that I am one of those who can't get past it.
I'm not sure whether you realize it or not, but I myself am a FWS...What I think it takes to become a FWS is genuine repentence, and as I told you in my last post that means to "change your mind"...To totally and completely renounce your past behavior...I do NOT think that is possible while remaining with an affair partner...Remaining with the affair partner would not allow you to fully change your mind...An affair is a totally toxic relationship and it can never be anything else...
I had not seen your point on view as either of BS or WS. I can see why our views might differ based on the which side of the window we are on. Kudos to you on having put in the hard work to earn your F cause I can see my H's effort and know that its not easy. Somtimes based on my reactions he feels like he is taking one step forward and 2 steps backward and will never get to the finish line. I am very proud of him for sticking around and working hard at mending what he broke and rebulding a loving relationship with me. I am actually starting to feel happy and a small sense of security of being in together. Afraid to give in completely yet but I can see the buds blosomming. I guess we will have to agree to disagree on the rare occurances that good relationships can sometimes come out of muddy waters.
Actually wannamoveforward I find it pretty odd that as a BS you could think the way you are thinking about this... If your husband also thinks this way, imo, it would be definite cause for concern...
Was your own relationship born "out of muddy waters" by chance?
Actually wannamoveforward I find it pretty odd that as a BS you could think the way you are thinking about this... If your husband also thinks this way, imo, it would be definite cause for concern...
Was your own relationship "out of muddy waters" by chance?
Mrs. W
I am not sure how my H feels about this, have to bring that up and see. My guess is right now he probably sees it as you do that an A is toxic and should not survive. I would agree with that in general.
I must say I am surpised at myself for defending Newmans stich, (its not like I knew him personally). I guess the 50+ year married thing touches a nerve with me and I wonder if that does not deserve credit then what does. The more I experience the work it takes to be present and nuture my own relationship the more I am inclined to tip my hat to those who have been able to sustain that. Its unfortune that this 50+ year M is tarnished by the fact that it is an affaiage, I guess other that minor Major flaw its a pretty impressive feat. Thats all I am trying to say.
No our relationship did not start "out of muddy waters" in any way. We met 16 years ago and have been married for 14. I was in love and "just knew he was the one for me". Never understood that phrase until it happend to me
FBW(me)- 45 FWH- 53 D-day 4/29/08 Moving forward pursuing happiness & a loving Marriage with DH.
Later in his life, "when asked about infidelity, he quipped, "Why go out for hamburger when you have steak at home?"
Mr. W read that Joanne Woodward was offended by that particular comment...Interesting...Ya think that was perhaps because she KNEW that she was the "hamburger" that he went out for, and realized that there was no way to transform a "hamburger" into a "steak"? Hmmmmm...
Later in his life, "when asked about infidelity, he quipped, "Why go out for hamburger when you have steak at home?"
Mr. W read that Joanne Woodward was offended by that particular comment...Interesting...Ya think that was perhaps because she KNEW that she was the "hamburger" that he went out for, and realized that there was no way to transform a "hamburger" into a "steak"? Hmmmmm...
Mrs. W
LOL, that mirror musta been really bright!
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage ********************* “In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
Later in his life, "when asked about infidelity, he quipped, "Why go out for hamburger when you have steak at home?"
Mr. W read that Joanne Woodward was offended by that particular comment...Interesting...Ya think that was perhaps because she KNEW that she was the "hamburger" that he went out for, and realized that there was no way to transform a "hamburger" into a "steak"? Hmmmmm...
Mrs. W
What if you dress up the hamburger with all sorts of fixins?
BW - me exWH - serial cheater 2 awesome kids Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot. --------Eleanor Roosevelt
Okay wannamoveforward, I gotcha...50 years or not, trying to make that relationship a good thing just seems like attempting to pick up a turd by the clean end...
Later in his life, "when asked about infidelity, he quipped, "Why go out for hamburger when you have steak at home?"
Mr. W read that Joanne Woodward was offended by that particular comment...Interesting...Ya think that was perhaps because she KNEW that she was the "hamburger" that he went out for, and realized that there was no way to transform a "hamburger" into a "steak"? Hmmmmm...
Mrs. W
LOL, that mirror musta been really bright!
Maybe Joanne Woodward see herself as a Sloppy Jo.
BW - me exWH - serial cheater 2 awesome kids Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot. --------Eleanor Roosevelt
Later in his life, "when asked about infidelity, he quipped, "Why go out for hamburger when you have steak at home?"
Mr. W read that Joanne Woodward was offended by that particular comment...Interesting...Ya think that was perhaps because she KNEW that she was the "hamburger" that he went out for, and realized that there was no way to transform a "hamburger" into a "steak"? Hmmmmm...
Mrs. W
What if you dress up the hamburger with all sorts of fixins?
LOL! Nope...It'd still be just a plain old burger underneath, with LOTS of gristle on the inside to boot...
Maybe she's who Adam Sandler was singin' about? "Sloppy Jo, sloppy, sloppy Jo"
I think you are on to something. Sloppy Jo did get rather defensive of the lunch lady.
I guess it could be worse...she could be chopped liver.
BW - me exWH - serial cheater 2 awesome kids Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot. --------Eleanor Roosevelt
doesn't anyone deserve a second chance if they learned from their first mistake? What about JFK? What about Bill Clinton?
OK, let's leave specific politics out of this, and just look at the men. "First mistake?" Are you kidding me? How about 40th mistake? 100th mistake? How about never, EVER learning? How many "second" chances are you willing to give someone, just because you admire their political views? Now take away your shared political philosophies. Imagine that you don't even know what their politics are...and then imagine their wives coming on MB and asking for help, but disclosing the same history of repeated infidelity that both these men have publicly demonstrated. How many more chances would these wives be advised to give, by all you regular posters?
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And both of those men remained married to their original spouses...They did not leave them to marry their OWs...Newman's situation was COMPLETELY different
Which, in IMfirmO, makes it infinitely worse. At least Paul Newman got OUT. Jackie and Hillary, on the other hand, endured the same punch-in-the-gut insult, overandoverandoveragain. Those of you BSs, who endured a single D-day, and found it hard to survive, should find it fairly easy to empathize with what these women went through. Repeatedly. And for Hillary, on the evening news as well. In that respect, Paul Newman's 1st wife lucked out!
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together.
that their soulmate is a liar and user.
If your husband also thinks this way, imo, it would be definite cause for concern...
