I'm going into NC again. It's easy for me to do at this time, since the weekends are usually reserved for new gf, anyway. For the most part I know I will not hear from him even if I initiate contact. So, I've learned how to be w/o him on the weekends. I say that to say, that it is not totally my choice to be in NC at this time, but since there is no hope for communication - it's a good jump start. This is how I started the 4 day NC last time.

It is comforting to know that what is happening now has little to do with me. The choice he made was about him, he is free, happy and living w/ her the life (drugs, alcohol, and unaccountability) that he wished I would let him live in peace. He is very accountable to her (as far as time is concerned) but not accountable in life. His D13 called 10 times, between Friday-Sat. I talked to him Friday and I could tell that he was at the Bar. OMG he hitched a ride to the bar to be w/ her. Gosh, this is serious. But, he is totally not keeping any word with his D. The guy that I love is a worthless, irresponsible jerk! I was feeling like some woman had stole my man and I needed to get him back, but the truth of the matter is he is not worth having or fighting for. However, this fact and the site that Brits gave me gives me little comfort, because when I spend days without him, I am haunted by my own flaws. My own unaccountability.

I feel that even if he were a good man, I would probaly be in the same situation because of my own flaws. I left my life to be in his.

I am very well put together, I have things - the things that make me (happy). Xbf was one of my things, but I am not. I do not like myself, I do not like the way I live and I do not make myself happy. I am disorganized, junky and angry. Without having xbf to take care of, I look at myself and I'm disgusted. What excuse do I have now. My life is a wreck, because I never learned to be a woman, because my life is filled with cycles in which I've taken care of men.

I'm starting to lose the feeling of wanting bf, but I still do not want him to be w/ her. I know stupid. The phone contacts is nothing. The visits say that she's getting the same thing I got 6 years ago. a no good dog. I know deep down, it tears him up. When he was with multiples in the past he stayed unbelievably drunk and sometimes I would just let him in (even if I had other company) because he could hardly stand up. He had cut back on getting so drunk all the time. In a way I want that for him. I want the guilt of his failures to drive him to drink. I know he was faithful to me and I know that he tried. And I know that everytime, he's with me, than with her he is reminded of his old self. And the vengeful me, wants him to go back to what he was b4 me. I think this is the strongest feeling that I have. It's stronger than wanting her to know what he's doing.

<<, When he was with multiples in the past he stayed unbelievably drunk and sometimes I would just let him in (even if I had other company) because he could hardly stand up. He had cut back on getting so drunk all the time.>>

Ask yourself why you want a man like this around at all? And find out what it is in YOURSELF that makes you accept being around a man like this one. He is toxic.

Please change yourself into valuing your precious self so that you do not fall into having men like this around you ever again.

1. Get someone to help you clean and organize your home
2. Get your finances in order, are you on public assistance, do you work, do you get child support?
3. Make your home environment nice
4. Get rid of all the junk in your home
5. Do some healthful things for yourself, walks, eating healthy, a gym class or two.
6. Meet other mothers and form a group
7. Go to a women's support group if it is ALON based or other.

You can do this girl, you can get a life, you wont miss having dirtbag, leeching, men around you and living off you after you begin caring for yourself more. You are precious.

Bubbles - thank you.


I wanted to save him.

I am a professional with good income. Making 4x what xbf does. Child support 6 months on - 6 months off. I live in an expensive area, and opted to live in a smaller more economical home, because he could only pay $400.00 (after having his child support deducted from check) and I didn't want it to be so un-even, but I still ended up paying more than 2000.00 dollars monthly for our basic needs. That's not including his $$$. He eats about 3-4 servings at dinner and often entertained/fed family. He often took his pocket money and brought extra groceries. But He was broke between paydays. So in the end his 400 ended up being maybe 250.00. I often footed the bill for ciggs and beer.

We where supposed to be saving and achieving our goals (which I found out where my goals), but we could never get anything accomplished. He could only manage to work part time and when he got off in the middle of the day he would just hang out at family's (they are all publicly assisted)which I honestly think is his comfort zone. He would have loved for us to be on one of those reduced rent programs, but I didn't fill out the paperwork because I wanted to buy a house and I know that it would interfere. I brought the house.

I would call in the middle of the day and become irritated by his activities (his main excuse for leaving). Over the last 6 mths. as we got closer to W day, I have been trying to get him to refocus on goals and understand that the thing that keeps us apart is that we do not share the same goals and that we had to have God in our relationship. We seemed to share goals off and on. But he never went the extra mile. 2 times since we've been together I have been the one to actually go out and get a second job. One time was when he didn't work at all. I worked 2 full time jobs and he kept the kids. He said when he wasn't working he was the best guy in the world and now that he is he is the worst. That made me feel really bad. But I see now that as my expectations in the relationship grew, his value for the relationship shrunk. About 3 months ago he even told me that he did not have any goals. He talked and helped me to plan the W but other than that he did not like talking about stuff that required commitment and action on his part.

I have been blaming everything on myself because of the anger, but I know in my heart now that he had been seeing her for months. And that there was no way for us to get over him spending 20 hours a week in daytime recreational companionship with other people, while I was at work. Than on the weekends when he would go out he would be gone for a 6 plus hours. Approx. 2 times a month he would get drunk and not come home until morning but that didn't bother me, because I knew he was with family and that he drunk a lot sometimes. He was accountable to me for his time, it just was used so poorly. So he often lied about his activities to prevent arguments.

It's funny, this relationship must have been killing him slowly. But I never felt that it was killing me. I did kind of but I ignored it and kept going. I remember thinking it was me, writing to him about our relationship and how I felt - he never responded to my letters, my crying or my wanting to talk. He would just listen and fall asleep. Can an emotionally unavailable man love you? Because I believe that he loved me. He was good with the kids and domestic support (transporting the kids to and fro, feeding them, playing with them, making them do their homework) He is just deficient in the skills it requires to participate in a cooperative relationship. like communication. I do feel in my heart that he loved me, the best way he knew how. I wanted him to do something that he was not capable of doing because of alcohol. I tried to get him to get help, but he refussed. Saying that he was not ready and that he liked it and he didn't want to stop. It seemed that he cut back, but really, his drinking at home is different from when he drinks with his family. Here it's boring he'll drink 6-10 beers on a weeknight and go to sleep. With family it's way different he can drink 15 + beers, plus hard alcohol. They are all heavy drinkers that drink 2 get drunk.

He could have saved us but he would have had to save himself first and he seemed to have no interest in that. But, he seems increasingly sober - he is never drunk when I talk to him. I know he is still drinking. If he stoped for more than a week he would probably die, it just seems that he is staying sober so he can maintain his play dates w/ new gf.

I'M THINKING ABOUT USING THE MONEY I'M SAVING (WITH HIM GONE) TO HIRE A CLEANING SERVICE. I TOLD HIM I WANTED SOMEONE TO COME IN AND HE ALWAYS LOOKED AT ME LIKE I WAS CRAZY.

I tried to hire cleaning ladies about 15 years ago - we both have always worked full time. My H nearly literally ran them out of the house. He harassed them so badly I was mortified, and they were angry and left! Any other time I would bring it up, he would make some sort of rude remark about any potential cleaner. So I gave up. After coming here, I gathered up my courage to try to state what I needed in my marriage. And I told him I was bringing in cleaning people. He has made a few - well, quite a few - comments about them, but you know what? I work full time. I pay bills. I contribute. I am no longer willing to put aside what I would like to have in our marriage, just for fear of what he will say.

hisgirl,

It sounds very much to me that the biggest issue here is BF's alcoholism. Anyone who drinks as much as you say he does has a problem. Plain and simple. My XH is a binge drinker. The alcohol fueled his affair and the affair fueled his drinking. To this day, it is a problem for him. No matter what I said or did made a difference to this day makes a difference. The fact that our 7 year old son has seen XH passed out from drinking and was hysterical thinking that XH had died had not impact on him. Same thing goes for you - no matter what you say or do, it will not stop his drinking. His drinking/alcholism is just another thing that makes him EU. Plain and simple, this guy is a loser with a capital "L".

I can relate very much to your post today regarding you and your BF being at two VERY different places in life. It was the same thing with me and my last EUM, XBF. As my counselor put it, you can have a surface level compatability where you enjoy doing the same things and get along well, but on the more important level - lifestyles, goals, career, etc., we were definitely NOT compatible. Our differences on some things - education level, career success, income, housing - were real sore spots for him. While he never brought them up to me, there are things that made it very clear they were sore spots for him. For example, I carry a Blackberry for work and when it would buzz when we were together, he would say "I wish I were important enough to carry a Blackberry." (I am an attorney by training but was promoted into an executive role where I work at a global level and travel to some really cool places). He flies an EMS helicopter. He doesn't have a college degree (I have a college degree and a JD) on the online dating sites he uses, he claims to have a college degree. We would spend 99% of our time at his house because he didn't "feel comfortable" in my house. (Its larger and furnished by a decorator). I earn 3 times what he does and while he didn't know exactly how much I make, he certainly had a good idea. (Last year, my federal withholding was his annual salary).

I also know how painful it is to figure out your "relationship" isn't what you thought it was - that they were seeing other people without our knowing. Just this morning - almost 3 months since we "broke up" - I had a good cry because I realized what a farce it was. I loved this man. The entire time we were dating, he was out on online dating sites, casual sex sites, cruising bars, going out with women from work, etc. I am VERY VERY lucky I didn't catch any STD's from him. (Yes, I got tested - and you should, too)!

I just bought 3 books all dealing with what these men dish out:

Emotional Unavailability: Recognizing It, Understanding It and Avoiding Its Traps

Stop Being the String Along

Dangerous Men

I will let you know what I think of them.....Meanwhile, keep reading on Baggage Reclaim, post there for support and NO CONTACT!!!!!

Today was a great day!

I have continued to torture myself - I guess I'm a gluten for punishment. Or I just like to do things the hard way. I read an article "recognising yourself in the man you claim to love" (http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/rec...f-in-the-man-you-profess-to-love-part-2/)

and it was like a smack in the face. I determined that I was dating the Manchild and that I tend to date down, because I don't want to deal with a real man that may recognise my flaws. I fix other people because I don't want to fix myself (not exactly sure what's wrong with me but I have some clues) I have felt like I need a good counselor after reading this. I also felt terrible knowing that xbf's livlihood is being with family and being able to drink and drug when and how he wants and I accepted him that way, but I worked effortlessly daily to try and change him. Me and xbf are sick. We both prey on the weak. But I can only focus on myself. So, I decided to change for me and I decided that I still love xbf so much and that I just had to really share what I had learned and the article and I was desperate for someone to understand me and I knew that he would. He did. And I professed my love to him. Silly me, I had decided after reading the article that I don't care, I'm a wimp and I don't want to go out into the world and have to face real men, and I've gotten a bit old to be trying to raise men from the ground up, so I want to keep xbf. He's been lying to me all week. We had an intimate conversation on Thursday (after I wrestled with the facts of the article in my own head for 2 days). We agreed and understood that both of us were very unhappy in the relationship. And you guys where right, he knows that I have been waiting for him, so he's been throwing me crumbs with his most famous lines being, "I don't know, it's possible and anything could happen" (in other words just keep holding on and I was holding) I wanted him to come even though I know he doesn't make me happy, because I wanted the comfort of him being here while I fixed myself and I know in my heart that it would have never worked but I wanted it so bad - One, because I think I'm codependent and two pride. I just feel like if he stopped right now, I could redeem my pride. Even if it didn't work out, atleast it doesn't have to be so terrible with him just dropping me and running around town with her. but it is what it is.

Anyway, last night I finally did something mean to xbf that I knew would hurt or piss him off. It was kind of stupid, but it was my way of towing his car or throwing out his clothes (which are still here). And it was the first time that I have been able to do anything against him. And today, the sun shinned brighter, my eyes stayed dry and I stayed focused at work all day long. I blasted the music in the car, I sang, I smiled, I laughed, I was in tune with the fact that it's just me, and I don't really gave a rats A-- what he does, and I was happy - with just me. I saw one of his cousins at the store and they asked about him, I said oh, we're not together anymore, and they said oh, are you doing ok, and gave some words of encouragement and I said yeah, one monkey don't stop no show!

I know today, that he does not define me and who I am. In 6 years he never brought me anything that didn't come from the grocery or the beer store. I make all the money and I've made all the decisions that have gotten us this far, I was ok before he came and I will be better now that he's gone. I know he's coming back - it may not be this month or even this year but when he does, he is going to be in for a one ole' suprise, I don't need him nor do I want him. And if any useful crumbs get thrown he'll be the one doing the catching, because I know that he has nothing to offer. And I feel sorry for the ow and when the time is right, I'm surely going to let her know that since they've been together, that he has still slept with me and if she knows what I know she better believe that I am not the only, the first, or the last.

I know I've had some false alarms in the past but I really, really in my heart have made the decision. When it comes to my miond and my heart. My heart wins every time. This time it is coming from my heart - that is why I will be successful in moving on. I may not be over the 6 years that we spent and the life that I thought we were going to live but I am over him. And let me tell you, I called and answered his calls over and over again. Everytime, I talked to him I wanted more, I wanted so desperately for him to come home or just to come over. He deposited love units in my bank but when it was all said and done, he deducted every deposit that he had ever made (or atleast enough for me not to associate him with my feeling happy). After that intimate conversation on Thursday, I knew and I told him we were running out of time. After 30 days, I was tired of loving someone that didn't love me. The deposits he had made, had me really anxious. He was toying with me (which I do not do well) and I knew that he could only come home (I know still sick) or stay lost. In my heart I knew he was not coming home, But I was holding onto his lies. I was no longer willing to just sit back and be quiet until he could get away from her I was holding him accountable for the crumbs he said I would get. In the end he said I'll call you back (for the 5th time that day) I said no don't call me back, if you're not coming just tell me, and he said ok, have a good night. And I did

I know he thinks God, this woman is really crazy for me, and when I need to be taking care of again, I might just give her a call. NOT! What I did last night to hurt/piss him off was actually a mean, nasty and heartless text at 5:30 this morning. I don't know if he figured it out (he's not that savy) or if he cares, but for me, it worked. I laughed outloud!

thank you guys for the help, I know I didn't do it the right way. And I've endured more pain and suffering than I had to. But, it's what works for me (sounds like another hidden issue. lol)

I've forgiven myself, because if he wasn't who he was, I would have never been able to be who I was to him!

I am glad you are growing and learning and making strides. Good work!

OLD HABBITS ARE HARD TO BREAK!!!!

DAY 4!

A couple of times I've thought; would could a little phone call hurt?

Why is it that my biggest lows come when I'm just trying to live life. On Sat. my friend took me to dinner, movies and bar hoping. Sunday friend and I did grocery and general house supply shoping. I got all the stuff I need to start this diet. I'm supposed to lose 12 in 3wks. I get really low when I grocery shop.

This morning I had the perfect happy medium of a high and low.

TRASH DAY!

I sat his sh-- on the curb, sang a sigh of relief, teared up and laughed out loud!

I hope you guys don't mind me posting. I read mostly all of your replies (here) again today. What an idiot I've been. But I'll shine again. I'm so glad that xbf never came back - I would have totally missed out on the chance to get to know me and to love me and to possibly meet a man that needs a partner and not a mother.

Soon you'll stop.

THE FACTS OF LIFE (AS IT STANDS).....

DEPRESSION

Last night was tough. It's been raining here for days. When I got home, I was starved. I ate my 1/2 cup beans & 1 cup of vegetables (per diet) and just laid in the bed - lonely. I thought about xbf. I try to stop analyzing the the past 6 years. But when I get finished planing how to get a car with no money, there seems that theres not much left to do (unless of course I actually get up and do something). XBF is in my dreams (breaking my heart over and over again in my dreams) Dream after dream there is this revaltion of how he does not love me. Sometimes he's with other women, sometimes he's with her, sometimes he's with family laughing at me.

WITHDRAWL

Really started this morning. I thought there must be something I need to call him for. I thought it wouldn't hurt to call him. I was listening to a song by Seal, "If you don't know me by now" and news flash, HE DOES NO ME...By now, after everything we've been through he knows that amoung his list of women he could go back to - I'm top quality and I never leave.

One day at a time. I know in my heart that I will not falter today.

It takes time for the pain to go away. I am on the 3 month mark this week. I do still think of XBF daily but its getting better. The most important thing to remember is that the longer you can go with no contact, the better off you'll be. I spent the first month XBF and I were broken up trying figure out how to get him back and fighting my desperate urge to reach out to him. As hard as it is, you have to resist ANY contact with him. Anytime you think of doing it, just remind yourself that it will set you back in your healing and in your own mind - and also in his. It will NOT accomplish anything, but will make him feel he has total power over you and that you are not strong enought to have boundaries for his behavior - don't give him any reason to think this. Contacting him will just confirm that you are his Fallback Girl.

The second month I came to realize I don't want him back and why - I deserve a heck of a lot better and he is not it. I realized that I was willing to settle for crumbs and lies and cheating and self absorption just to have him in my life. Well, guess what? I don't need that kind of toxic person in my life - it was taking its toll on my self esteem. One of the best exercises I did was to write down all his faults, everything he did that was disrespectful to me and our "relationship", why I would never be able to trust him ever and what my life would be like if we ever got back together. I stopped focusing on what I "lost" and started focusing on what I gained - my self respect.

Now, I am just about at the point where I am moving on. I realize that I could probably have spent a lifetime with him and still struggled to see any progression in the relationship. Even if the relationship did progress, I’d most likely have to really fight on a regular basis to have my emotional needs met.

As I said, it takes time. Keep reading on Baggage Reclaim - over and over again. Coach with Natalie (the site owner) if you can - she charges $75 for an hour's phone session and it is well worth it.

Also, I recently found and read an excellent book called, "Stop Being the String Along and Start Being The One." You can buy it on Amazon or through Barnes and Noble. I highly recommend it because it spells out what not to accept in a relationship and what you deserve. It turned me right around and I keep re-reading it. I wish I had read it at the start of my relationship with XBF because I am not sure he and I would have made it past the first couple of dates!

Brits - nice to hear from you .

How long were you and xbf together?

Me and xbf got together shortly after my seperation from XH. You know how it feels when the marriage ends. There is this disconnection and anxiousness about everything and everybody. XBF, was so simple and fun totally different set of baggage than H. My BFF and I had gone thru seperation at the same time, so we were both fighting thru that pain while not doing a bad job of living up the single life. XBF was just a fun guy that fit into that when and how he could. I liked him so much (right away) He showed signs right away. He would disappear for weeks at a time. At first I didn't care (I was newly single and not looking for anything) than, I minded when he was gone, but loved when he came back more.

My point is that even though we may have had less than bubbly self-esteem, I believe that (and I think I read on baggage) having gone thru a tradgedy or lose of some sort opens us up even more to these types of EUM. XBF, has done things to me that I've often reffered to as "things I'm ashamed to tell God" Even though I have traditionally dated down, I have never in my life put up with so much BS.

Do you see xbf around or has he tried to contact you?

hisgirl,

XBF and I were together 7 months, which demonstrates the damage these EUM do to us if we were together 7 months and its taking me 3 months to get over him. XBF was the first guy I dated long-term (if you can call it that) since XH and divorced in 2004. What I am now realizing with help from others is that a lot of what I am going through with XBF's lying and cheating is exacerbated by something akin to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from my XH's affair and subsequent leaving me for the OW. I do, though, have a history of being involved with EUM.

Fortunately, XBF has not tried contacting me. The night we broke up, he did the "I want to be friends and see what happens" thing. I told him that I couldn't be "just friends" because I don't do that. He said he understood, so at least he has respected that; although, he had one foot out of the relationship the entire time and he has a harem of female followers, so I don't thing he really cared. As for seeing him, he lives about 60 miles from me so up until now there has been no opportunity for us to run into each other. Unfortunately, he is an EMS pilot for a large hospital, so I have regular reminders of him when a helicopter flies overhead or I see their hospitals or advertisements for their hospitals. Also, running season is now in full swing. He is an avid runner and I took it up while we were seeing each other. I am in a running group that does the local 5k's in training for a 1/2 or Full Marathon many months from now. It is very likely I will see him at one of the 5k's. Basis what I now know about him (especially, the membership on an adult website where he says he's looking for a "discreet relationship or casual sex") for my own well-being, I no longer have any desire to have a relationship with him. The thought of having sex with him (and he was truly something in that regard) repulses me because I don't know where else he's been or who else he's been with. I am amazed that he has remained disease-free this long. I DO want him to see me, though, because I am happy and moving on with my life and the best revenge is a life well-lived. I am bolstering myself with support. I have a very good male friend who is young enough to be my son who is a personal trainer and he will be coming in from out of town to run the next 5k with me. Also, my training team with be there along with our two coaches, one of who is my current personal trainer.

I have come to realize that this guy is very broken and doesn't even know it and I am NOT going to fix him - TOO TOO much work and NOT my job!

The same happen between me and xbf the 1st time we saw each other for four months- split for 4 months and than got back together. I will never forget the intensity of seeing him again and feeling like he never left. They are good!

I did ok after my post this morning. I'm able to go without him and thoughts of him for longer periods of time. But I just went through another major low - and my thoughts are about him making me look like an idiot, even to his kids whom I love. Occassionally, I'm still trying to figure out how he could do this and trying to program myself to the understanding that he doesn't give a crap about anyone, but himself. Who walks out of a relationship like this and never looks back. Someone that was never in love/that never cared to begin with? Why is he being so attentive to her!

I miss him, I miss his smile, I miss him living with me, but I don't miss being in a relationship with him. Does this make sense? I agree with you on the sex. IMHO this man needs round the clock supervision - she thinks he doesn't, giving him all the opportunity to sleep with so many women - it's disgusting. I could never love him the way I have in the
past.

You sound well prepared for the run. I hope your xbf looks like crap . During the 3 mths. have you anticipated an opportunity to show him that you're better. I guess that's normal. Also, will you speak to him or make pretend his not there. lol.


You know xbf gets a lot of admiration from his family (I told you about his family). I'm sure he's getting a lot from new gf as well. I imagine when you put those two together, it's explosive. I also think that family disliked me so much that they will be extra nice to newgf. If she can penetrate the family and ultimately has nothing better to do (if she's from where he's from) she may survive. But once they get their own place, she will have to deal with company every day, adult male sleep overs (and the list goes on) the quiet life will never be enough for him. I wonder if she'll be head over heels by the time, he starts passing out and having convulsions

How long will I be analyzing. I wish I could stop.

Hmmmmmmmmmm.....during the 3 months have I done anything to show him I'm better????? Girl, I have done tons! First off, the fact that I am even still running will be a surprise to him! Further, I will be there with my training group of about 100 people and 2 coaches and my friend who is 25 and used to be personal trainer before he went away to college and cute, cute, cute! (I'm 48 and XBF is 47). My mile run time on a maintenance day is already down 2 minutes from when I was with him.

On an appearance note, in March, I had liposuction for a second time (had it first back in 1994) to take out small fat deposits in my thighs and hips. My legs are nice and lean and the muscles are really looking good. I also had a mid face lift and a nose job (primarily to fix a deviated septum but he also took out the bump, slimmed down my nostrils and square the tip a bit so I don't have a ball at the end of my nose). For the last 7 years, including when I was with XBF, I wore my hair in a very short, spikey cropped cut with beigy-blonde highlights only on the top and darker sides. I have been letting my hair grow for the last 4 months (its now over my ears) and have changed it to a beautiful light, golden/yellow blonde all over. I also got eyelash extensions that really make my eyes pop even when I'm not wearing any makeup. I suspect he will look twice wondering if its me! Friends who see me on a regular basis and don't know I had the surgery keep saying there's something different about me but they can't put their finger on it!

I have thought about what I will do if I see him. I will be pleasant, say hello and continue on....that is, unless, the girl he was texting while were on vacation is there with him. (I know what she looks like from her Facebook page). In that case, she will be there to watch his dog while he runs (that's what he does - gets the girl to watch the dog so that the dog can go to the run). I am going to go up, love on his dog (his dog LOVED me) and then introduce myself as the girl XBF was on vacation with in Telluride when he was texting her! I think I'll also ask her if she doesn't mind his being a serial online dater and posting on adult sex sites for discreet relationships and casual sex! If he is there by himself and sees me, I suspect he will suggest we get together at which time I would tell him that I'm sorry but I don't do discreet relationships and casual sex! I am really just amusing myself, here - I wouldn't do that....I'd just ignore both her and him.

XBF loves attention, too. He is so self-absorbed and thinks everyone else is just as absorbed in him as he is! It really feeds his ego that all these women at work are his groupies/harem! He really thinks he's something with a Porsche (that cost his entire year's salary the year that he bought it - its 7 years old) and an expensive watch. BIG DEAL!

There will be good days and bad days (today was a not so good day for me) but the good will increase and the bad will be few and farther between. Stick to no contact, keep reading on Baggage Reclaim and check out the book from post earlier today.

Whew...you had made scared.


I am sorry that yesterday was a bad day for you. But you know you seem to be really strong and have your head screwed on straight. In between now and the run you should be even stronger.

I got a text msg. from newgf, in response to the text I sent to xbf 5 days ago. That means that she's worried about something - Perhaps my silence. Throughout this whole thing I have not heard one word from her. She has appeared to be pretty confident (not calling me or trying to rub it in). Her replying to my text really pissed me off. I know it was not xbf because he probably wouldn't text if his life depended on it. It looks like she tried to throw in extra characters (stupid dashes in the middle of sentence) to make me think it was him. Well, here's the catch, she probably was pretty confident, but being with him/trying to figure him out must be doing a number on her (self-esteem - lol)thus the text some thirty days later. Even though all the signs appear to be there (he's there and not "home" with me) a man like him, never reveals too much and a woman like her has got to wonder, when he's going to go back home. In fact, if she's sending me text messages, I would guess that she's asking him a few questions as well. Confident people let sleeping dogs lie, that's why for however long this has been going on she never said a mumbling word. Now that she (thinks) she's got him (she's losing confidence) and wants to make a little noise. Grrrrrrrrrr....... I'm going to stay quiet for now.

Today has not been such a great day, again, but I did a coaching session with Natalie (owner of Baggage Reclaim) and it has helped me a bit. I am much stronger than I was, but do know that healing not just from the breakup, but healing my broken picker that seems to choose only EUM, takes time...as I said, there are good days and bad days.

You need to block his number from your phone. That way, there will be no texts, no calls, no nothing and you can move on....which you NEED to do. You will NEVER have a healthy relationship with this guy. Not because of you, but because he is not capable of it. You need to do this for YOU.

Brits - how is it going today.....Better?