My wife left me in January after informing me she wanted to in December. It was all started by a former friend that decided he wanted to leave his wife but shre custody of his 2 kids with one on the way that is now born. My wife was honest to me about this and only kept stringing me along because she wanted to be my friend. Now she is pregnant and lost her job and He was difficult with her so, it made her question her decision. They are still living together but she tried to come home once for selfish reasons that only involved me partially. She said she wished she didn't have that complication so that she could make her decision, but couldn't tell me what it would be now. She didn't stick through the evening because OM bothered her. She told me the next day he knew she was leaving. The next day she said she told him she didn't think she could divorce me. Then the next week she said they talked and she thought it best that she stay with him. Before that she said he did not want me raising his child. As if he had a choice in the matter. But of course my wife does not want to keep him from his child and says she has to deal with him the rest of her life. I tried to talk to her about it but she hurts too much seeing me and avoids it. I just want to tell her that it is her choice to abandon me. She knows it would be difficult if she has to see him and wont stop. So instead of speaking with me, she has gone on a mini vacation with him to get away. She just does not see the pain she causes me by doing that, only appologised for making me jelous. I had to tell her that was not it at all. I was trying to get her to see me in person, but she would not. She kept wanting to know what I wanted to talk about. She still acts as though she has not decided and that is what I wanted to tell her. I wanted to say she has decided and will live with it and without me because of it. I will not see her for a while. That is what brought her back last time. I do not think it will work this time because I did it after she found out she was pregnant. She said she does not know about them, but that is where she is now. That must be what she would be like with me. I have been faithful and helpful too much and she gives me nothing but pain. There are a lot of details that make this worse, but I felt the pull of forgiveness and care about her wellbeing. I have told her many times that I would divorce her if that is what she wanted. She said she did not ask for that last time and actually feered I was going to serve her papers as the reason I wanted to see her. So, I am confused. when this all started she said she did not want me to wait on her, she wanted me to see other people, as if that was ok. She has not said it since. I have also told her that one day it will be too late and I wont want her back. I feel it coming, but just don't want to give up knowing that their relationship is going to fail. She did give a reason that they were not compatible, he did not know her. Thats enough info. Any advice? I have a Christian therapist that supports me, saying that I have to be ready. I realize that if I do something I am not ready for, I will regret it even more later. But if I do start the papers, maybe it would make her want what she thinks she is losing more. I understand what it would take to take care of the child. She is in so much pain over this she can't understand my pain.

Yes, there IS hope but only if your WW agrees to come home and be NC with OM for life. Your M will not likely recover if she insists on OM being in the OC's life. You have a much better shot at recovery if she will agree to you raising the OC as your own.

If you really want to try to recover the M, I suggest you get the book "Surviving An Affair" by Dr. Harley and get a solid plan A going. Then go to plan B. You should post over on GQ2 to get help with plan A and plan B. I would not jump to plan D until you are actually ready to follow through.