My boyfriend cheated on me with his ex who he already has a child with. This happened back in 2006, and I was 5 months pregnant when he cheated. His ex got pregnant so my daughter now has a little brother 4 months youngr than her. Because he has a previous child with this person, no contact with the new child or her is not really option.
But im truly at my breaking point. This has been so unbearable and ive been on antidepressants for 12 months.
We no longer live together, because I moveed out when I found out what he did, and I have had no contact with his family as some of them knew she was pregnant and they all hid it from me.
This utterly devasted me, and I dont know what to do. I dont want him to ever be in her presence again and I want all conversations to be done in front of me. Is this unreasonable?

I really need help, i dont know if this can be mended, I cant trust him and im so confused

Anna, how are you in a position to tell him to do anything? He is a free agent who can make his own choices. He is not committed to you.

The only reason we arent married right now is because of what happened. I called everything off because of this. Im not asking for your judgement, im asking for help from others who have ben through this. We have been together for a very long time, and we are both trying to make this work. If you dont have anything helpful to say, dont respond at all

Just because we arent legally married does not mean we arent committed to eachother, we have been common law for many years

Hon, you don't even live together. There is no committment here.

we lived together 5 years before this happened, and were together for 2 years before that. We havent lived together the past 7 monthes and thats only because I couldnt deal with sleeping with him.
Like I said, if you arent going to help, dont respond at all

Well, good luck on making demands on a man who is not your husband, doesn't live with you, and is in no way committed to you.

WOW Thanks for all the help. If I could help someone, if I had experience in something and had the opportunity to help someone, I would do it. Just becuase we arent married does not mean we dont have a committied relationship. I have a child with this man, and we have been together just short of a decade. Not everyone has the money for a wedding. We chose to put that money into a house for our child and live as married couple. We didnt need that paper to feel we are in that place, we just simply havent had the finances, and when we did, i wanted to wait until after our baby was born. I came here looking for help, I didnt think a piece of paper made a difference on who is allowed to come here and ask for help. Your a very callous woman and Im glad im not as pathetic as you

Anna, you are not committed in any way. Heck, y'all couldn't even bother to go down to the courthouse and get married. Having a baby with some guy doesn't make him committed to you. If that is the case, then he is committed to his OTHER baby mama too. I am trying to help you be realistic here. You are not likely to get far making demands on a man who has no committment to you. He is a free agent.

And it costs nothing to get married. People can and do go down to the Justice of the Peace every day. Lack of money is no excuse. Shacking up with some guy is not the same as being married.

I am sorry you have chosen to place yourself in this situation, but I am not going to sit here and pretend like it makes any sense to make demands of a guy whose connection meant so little to you that you couldn't even go to the courthouse and tie the knot. You couldn't be bothered to treat it as seriously as a marriage, so why should others?

Anna, truly, I am on your side, but I don't believe the answer is to be found with your BF and this mess. I don't think he is marriage material and any notions of a future with him are unrealistic. He has shown he is not marriage material, not trustworthy, and certainly not a good role model for your children. He comes with baggage that will damn you to a life of insecurity, even if you did get him to commit.

Any future with him will likely be more of the same: a lack of committment, lack of respect, and constant infidelity with his other baby mama. Is that how you want to live?

That is not a good way for anyone to live. Better to cut your losses and use better judgement in your choice of men the next time.

And please take some advice from an older woman: don't put out for free. You are much more valuable than that. If you place a higher price tag on yourself, then OTHERS WILL TOO. If a woman comes too cheaply, then she can be just as easily disposed.

RAISE YOUR PRICE, Anna. And move on. You can be better than this and have true happiness, if you choose.

Anna,

Sorry you find yourself in this position. But you are beating the wrong horse in your perceptions of ML. ML can give you very insightful information to assist you with your relationship. You might not like the point she is making, but if you step back, take a deep breath, you might see that she can help you.

Your question raise the crux of the matter. Your BF rekindled his interactions with the OW because they maintained contact. This created the OC. Your only real option if he wants to rebuild with you and your child, is to expect him to have restricted contact with the OW. You get a neutral third party to be the go between for drop off and pickup of the two children that belong to the OW that your BF fathered. You restrict direct contact to emails that you have full access to. He doesn't communicate with her on the phone or go help her when she has a problem.

It's doable. But none of it is easy. The first step though is working on the relationship. If you can't do that with him to begin with, then you won't be able to fix it with him foggy and the OW working her mischief.

FTS

***edit***

nowayjose, you registered yesterday, and think you know the state of MLs life? What are you, a new troll?

anna86

Did you meet your WB before he was divorced?

nowayjose

Attack ML, shows that you noway have any judgement or insight.

***EDIT***

Nowayjose,

You do NOT have the right to make personal attacks on the Marriage Builders forums. That is against our TOS. Please stop.

Thank you,

Maverick, MBDB Moderator

Guys - you do realize this thread is over a year old?

did not notice date