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I remember coming to MB with my life crashing around me in 2002 having moved to a strange city, with a small child, built my dream house, not a relative or friend in sight, and finding out my h had been cheating..

Some of you might remember my story (I was justpeachy back then and notpeachyinga here). Needless to say, I probably had one of the worst WH's out there. I went thru nine kinds of hades, and ended up following MB program but mine was one of the marriages that was not meant to last.

We divorced in 2004 after an awful divorce battle during which he was of course lying..to the judges, to the court system itself, even falsifying his financial docs to show he of course made less $ and had his company do that too..

I struggled and became a single mom of my son and gradually made friends here. Got on my own two feet, but not after losing everything I had financially to the divorce *due to his lies and his tucking things away overseas*. But I slowly gained ground over time and life really became good. And I can report today, and for the last two years, that LIFE IS GOOD..and GOD IS GOOD!!!

What was once broken beyond repair (my heart) is full of life and happiness..I have a great job, my son is 10 now and so wonderful..and yea..I just turned 40. As far as my personal life went, I never thought I'd ever fall in love again, but it happened almost 2 years ago. And yes, God has a distinct sense of humor. In a metro area of millions, he allowed me to meet out eating sushi the guy..the one I'd spend my life with.

I was out with friends and met him..he was tall, dark haired and handsome with light blue eyes. My x was like that too and I almost didn't want to talk to him because of that similarity, but I did. He asked what roll I was having, and that opened up a conversation. He asked what city I lived in and I asked where he lived. I said "Oh, when I first lived here I lived in that city too." He asked "where did you live?" I replied that in what seemed a lifetime ago, I built my dream house with my xh and lived in a subdivision called X. He gasped. HE LIVES in the SAME subdivision..but in a nicer home. That was my last first date ever.

He's the nicest and cutest guy around. He loves my son as his own and treats us so amazingly great..our love is simple, genuine, and yet he gives me butterflies even with a cell call every now and then. We're both head over heels, but grounded in life and have the same values. We both dealt with unfaithful x spouses, and are both loving parents. We're of the same Christian demonination too, and our families get along great!!! They've met him and love him btw. Either later this year or next year we're going to marry but I'm not rushing anything. Oh..and we have a firm foundation...MARRIAGE BUILDERS!! HNHN rocks!

So if you're here and in agony..not knowing where life will lead you or what will happen to your kids as a result of this mess, look at me. I went thru HELL. And came out the other side. I came out stronger, not afraid of standing up or fighting for what and who I love and believe in and my values are rock solid. MB made me this woman I am today, along with lots of prayer and hard work. Everything I once had with my xh (even the financial wealth I lost) I am gaining back. Down to the point of marrying a man in the same subdivision I once dreamed of living in..and did live in for less than a year with my xh.

Now..let's get down to the future of your WS. What will become of he or she if they don't change their ways? Let me begin by saying for the sake of my child I prayed for him for the last seven years. He married the ow immediately after our divorce and had a child with her 3 mos later. Ouch. But over time God was good too, and I love that child also..she's my son's half sister and he loves her too. God's given me an AMAZING capacity to love that child and it's great..but let's go to the Ws for a minute.

Their lives aren't easy. Never have been. NO honeymoon period at all. This was a guy, a CEO who thought he was smarter than everybody else. More handsome than everybody else. Slicker and a smoother talker than everybody else and that the rules of life and law just simply didn't apply to him (reminds you of John Edwards actually..) He married her and was cheating on her immediately after. Has done so for five years now. They've been on the brink of divorce several times, each time her staying and it's wierd. As of now, my x has gotten himself into some SERIOUS legal issues with an x ow and now is not experiencing any freedom (can you guess where he is) and is awaiting a trial. Sadly if you just keep barrelling down a path straight to that dark and fiery place, and don't stop, you'll crash and burn. That's what happened. It took so much to break my xh. To break that WS syndrome..from a near death experience, to having multiple discovery days with multiple ow to finally being incarcerated to find God. And I hope his change is finally for good.

In the letters written to my son, he's expressed how he's found God, forgiveness and wanting to be the dad he should have been to my child all along.

Today, I got a call from his w (the x ow) and she told me (in tears) of a long letter my xh has written me from jail. He's supposedly asking me to finally forgive him and says I never deserved anything he ever did to me or to our family. She was CRYING when she said she had read it too..the x ow crying..

I have no idea how I'll be when I read this letter. I may post it here when I get it next week.

But what I wish to express to you is this..God will break your WS IN HIS OWN TIME. It could be now, it could be years from now, it could be on their deathbed. That's not what you should worry about now. YOU focus on working the MB program and doing all you can do for your family. For chances are good that your M will recover here. But should it not recover, YOU will learn to recover on your own as I did..

When you do follow this program, either outcome, you can look at your children in their eyes, and you'll know in your heart that mommy (or daddy) did ALL THEY COULD DO and peace will be within your life..and home. I can tell you that I did have that peace, even in the midst of the hurricane of a storm that swirled around me during the divorce. But it happened and was there.

I sincerely thank my old timer friends from MB..I love them. For without all of you, and your encouraging me to not give up, either way, I am where I am today.

Wishing you all peace..for here you will find it. I also will share with you my life verse: (from the Armor of God Chapter in the Bible and what you need to fight the good fight)"13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand". That verse tells you that after ONLY EVERYTHING YOU CAN DO, you will be standing in the end after the fight is over.

Fight the good fight. Seize this day and tomorrow. Watch this..and KNOW what you MUST do!

Last edited by justpeachy08; 05/09/09 05:07 PM.

God's got a great sense of humor!
XH: WS extroidinaire..remarried ow 1 day after divorce (1/1/04); been cheating on ow/w since day 1 and they are in process of divorcing
Me: thirtysomething, baseball mom of a 10 y.o. DS, happy, moved on. Should be engaged to wonderful guy any day now. Currently reading HNHN together. Building a foundation on truth, love, and family \:\)
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Hiya, Peachy!!!

I've been worndering about you a lot, lately! I'm so glad that you are doing so well and are happy!

Don't be such a stranger!!!


"Your actions are so loud that I can't hear a word you're saying!"

BW M 44 yrs to still-foggy but now-faithful WH. What/how I post=my biz. Report any perceived violations to the Mods.
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Hey Lady C. Thanks so much. Just been really busy. How's life w/you? Pray for everybody here all the time.


God's got a great sense of humor!
XH: WS extroidinaire..remarried ow 1 day after divorce (1/1/04); been cheating on ow/w since day 1 and they are in process of divorcing
Me: thirtysomething, baseball mom of a 10 y.o. DS, happy, moved on. Should be engaged to wonderful guy any day now. Currently reading HNHN together. Building a foundation on truth, love, and family \:\)
Joined: Jul 2005
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Hey there Peachy girl!!! Thanks for the update! So very glad to hear that you are so happy - couldn't happen to a sweeter girl! BIG HUGS TO YOU! hug

Mrs. W


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

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Good to hear from you! I want to talk more frequently btw..miss you guys! Life is GOOOD!!! Hope you're having a wonderful mother's day weekend!

Also, happy Mother's Day to all my friends here!


God's got a great sense of humor!
XH: WS extroidinaire..remarried ow 1 day after divorce (1/1/04); been cheating on ow/w since day 1 and they are in process of divorcing
Me: thirtysomething, baseball mom of a 10 y.o. DS, happy, moved on. Should be engaged to wonderful guy any day now. Currently reading HNHN together. Building a foundation on truth, love, and family \:\)
Joined: Jun 2007
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Wow, I remember when you popped in last year and needed your story as inspiration that I could survive.

I'm so happy you are receiving g-ds blessings for all your struggles and willingness to walk through it all and still come out being a loving, caring woman of g-d. You are a true inspiration of survival and I hope you come back more often and share your new life and wisdom.

Warmly,
Queenie


BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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I'm gonna pop over and read your thread Queenie in a bit after feeding my very hungry 10 yo son (he's hungry it seems 24/7 now). I'm sometimes afraid of sharing it here, the story, because I'm one who divorced.

There's hope all around here as I see it. It gave me hope and although I divorced, I found ME and regained life as I know it..and having the right foundation *MB* when I was finally ready to date, made all the difference in meeting the right guy. All happened in good time.

You sound great btw! Life is amazing and when you just kinda bungee jump out there, know that after hitting the bottom, you're gonna spring back up is key! That's what a wise somebody once told me..


God's got a great sense of humor!
XH: WS extroidinaire..remarried ow 1 day after divorce (1/1/04); been cheating on ow/w since day 1 and they are in process of divorcing
Me: thirtysomething, baseball mom of a 10 y.o. DS, happy, moved on. Should be engaged to wonderful guy any day now. Currently reading HNHN together. Building a foundation on truth, love, and family \:\)
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Peachy, I'm in the beginning stages of what is probably the end of my M. Just begain PB and D papers served. I'm sitting here lonely on a Sat. night reading threads and getting more depressed because I haven't seen much hope and then you post your update. Being divorced isn't what I want but it may be what is best and your story has just inspired me. Thank you so much!



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Peachy...

From you on the Elizabeth Edwards thread:

Originally Posted by Peachy
filth flarn filth


Bwahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! I love that Bill Cosby sketch! rotflmao

I've missed your sense of humor greatly!

"Breck Boy" HA!!! grin

Now we just gotta get you riled up enough to say a hearty...

BITE THE PEACH! laugh

Mrs. W dance2


FWW ~ 47 ~ Me
FBH ~ 50 ~ MrWondering
DD ~ 17
Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered

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I love ya Mrs. Dubya!!!

Yes, I guess that Cosby-ism gives away my age and new decade huh..?

And of course, over the vast years, I've told many a person to "BITE DA PEACH"!!! The most favorite person I told that to was my xh's lawyer, monkeyboy..Phil. He actually imho looked somewhat like a monkey. I have lost count how many times I told xwh that too...

Well you gotta admit..JE's got some pretty hair..sure does. I wish I could get mine as silky and soft to the touch...lol!!!


God's got a great sense of humor!
XH: WS extroidinaire..remarried ow 1 day after divorce (1/1/04); been cheating on ow/w since day 1 and they are in process of divorcing
Me: thirtysomething, baseball mom of a 10 y.o. DS, happy, moved on. Should be engaged to wonderful guy any day now. Currently reading HNHN together. Building a foundation on truth, love, and family \:\)
Joined: Feb 2008
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VST..it's a journey my friend. And it will take many twists and turns that's why you gotta be prepared to fight..and take the fight everywhere and anywhere. But in the end, remember it's far too early to be resigned to this or that.

I know one loving couple who once divorced each other and recently remarried..he was here on MB btw..This program works..and most of the time the WS will respond at some point..few don't (like my xh) but most will. Even if the marriage isn't recovered, please do not feel bad..THE EMA WAS NOT ABOUT YOU..it's about selfish choices..his choices. My xh had it as good as you could get and he still cheated..Heck let's look at this roll call of women: Christie Brinkley cheated on twice, Jackie O, Shania Twain, Jennifer Aniston, and many many more..go figure.

But what's important is not only did I heal...I healed but had a NEW AND IMPROVED view of what I wanted a relationship to be like. My prior M was good. It was only xh who distorted the reality and rewrote our history...let's see next week what his heartfelt letter says about that..I'll be curious to read it. But I know the MB way..and I know that T and I will be so happy because we know how to PROTECT our relationship and will also protect our family too.

And btw..being a MB divorcee graduate (my own coined phrase now) MBDG (marriage builders divorcee graduate) , imho makes me a much more attractive woman for a guy to date..I got my "crap" together! Can you say that about the single women (and many guys) out there? Huh??? Can I get an amen!

The guy I met is not only cuter, but is smart, well educated, funny, goofy, loves his family, and puts them first..himself second. He's NOT ALL ABOUT HIMSELF, as my xh was the last several years we were married. THAT is the difference.

Realize either outcome YOU will come out on top. Your kids will come out on top. Hang in there..work this program. Do a flawless A, a slightly shorter B than I did (back then I think it was longer..I wish I had cut mine shorter..only regret at all I have), and just work it.

My sitch turned out wierdly different because the ow had gotten deliberately pregnant to force the divorce to go thru as she knew that was the only hope in hell she had of marrying him. So the "wait 2 years" on the x after the divorce thing in my sitch didn't apply. There was the point of no return after the divorce in my case. No lookin' back forever. And guess what, I'm glad of that. I think it made me heal more quickly as that's the toughest love you can get..the no way out or possible future reprieve tough love.


God's got a great sense of humor!
XH: WS extroidinaire..remarried ow 1 day after divorce (1/1/04); been cheating on ow/w since day 1 and they are in process of divorcing
Me: thirtysomething, baseball mom of a 10 y.o. DS, happy, moved on. Should be engaged to wonderful guy any day now. Currently reading HNHN together. Building a foundation on truth, love, and family \:\)
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Hey peachy! I am so happy life is good for you and your son. God is good!


Faith

me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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So good to hear from you FF! Happy Mother's Day! Hope all's going great!


God's got a great sense of humor!
XH: WS extroidinaire..remarried ow 1 day after divorce (1/1/04); been cheating on ow/w since day 1 and they are in process of divorcing
Me: thirtysomething, baseball mom of a 10 y.o. DS, happy, moved on. Should be engaged to wonderful guy any day now. Currently reading HNHN together. Building a foundation on truth, love, and family \:\)
Joined: Apr 2001
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Happy Mother's Day!

Your X was doing so many things wrong, it makes me curious as to what really caught him - drugs, tax evasion, business dealings, or something else- he was so amoral there in what he did and so entitled. You are right - worse than most!

It's tough that your son has to grow up with his own dad self-destructing like this; I'm so relieved that you have a good man who has the potential to show your son what it truly means to be a man in the Godly Walk of life.

KA


Cafe Plan B link http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2182650&page=1

The ? that made recovery possible: "Which lovebuster do I do the most that hurts the worst"?

The statement that signaled my personal recovery and the turning point in our marriage recovery: "I don't need to be married that badly!"

If you're interested in saving your relationship, you'll work on it when it's convenient. If you're committed, you'll accept no excuses.
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Hey girl!!! So glad to hear from you too! Happy Mother's Day!!!
It was a dalliance on his boat with a woman that led to a he said/she said thing..that landed him where he is now.

Waywards have NO CLUE that kind of stuff could be in store for them..if they only knew. My son is doing as good as he can. He talkes to him daily on the phone and we're still praying for him and so far, he seems to be doing fine. I'm doing alot of listening right now..just to how my son is doing/feeling. His dad's life became in the last few years AMAZINGLY more entitled if that could have ever happened. It was destined to happen to him if he had continued down that WS path.

As far as T goes, he's a wonderful man. It was wierd b/c I was single and happy for so long, and because the divorce was so difficult and I lived with a WS for a year and a half before it, I didn't know what a good R was supposed to be like..but now I know..and it's ALL GOOD..NO MAKE THAT GREAT!
What's up with you?


God's got a great sense of humor!
XH: WS extroidinaire..remarried ow 1 day after divorce (1/1/04); been cheating on ow/w since day 1 and they are in process of divorcing
Me: thirtysomething, baseball mom of a 10 y.o. DS, happy, moved on. Should be engaged to wonderful guy any day now. Currently reading HNHN together. Building a foundation on truth, love, and family \:\)
Joined: Apr 2001
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I think you attract a wonderful guy into your life when you appreciate the wonderful life you have and are! - Can't help it. You don't NEED him to complete you - you're whole and complete all by yourself!

I'm happy being a mom and working hard in my sales/counseling job. Marriage is going well - Kasey is working a part time job and getting ready to go back to school and finish getting a degree.

Son is finishing up his 2nd to last year of high school. He's quite accomplished as a musician and in science. He doesn't know what he wants to do when he get to college yet. But he'll have enough credits earned through AP classes that he'll have an associates degree by 2011. He's planning to earn an eagle scout this summer and then work on getting his drivers license.

Peach - it happens so fast - my son was ten when you were going through your trials - now your son is ten - and it's just a blink of an eye. Hold these moments precious!


Cafe Plan B link http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2182650&page=1

The ? that made recovery possible: "Which lovebuster do I do the most that hurts the worst"?

The statement that signaled my personal recovery and the turning point in our marriage recovery: "I don't need to be married that badly!"

If you're interested in saving your relationship, you'll work on it when it's convenient. If you're committed, you'll accept no excuses.
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BITE THE PEACH!!

rotflmao


Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Hi peachy,

Great story!! (I think I remember reading your story last year because I remember the subdivision thing.)

Really great that you have such a huge heart for your son's 1/2 sibling, too!!

I gotta say, though, I had to chuckle when you say your X found God behind bars because...well...everyone does when they are behind bars (almost, anyway). I hope in his case that he doesn't lose God when he gets out! I guess time will tell.

Take care,

Charlotte

P.S.) and you are NOT old!!

Last edited by Dancing_Machine; 05/10/09 12:16 AM. Reason: added P.S.
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Quite an update. I am glad your life is going well.
It is too bad your son has to be a witness to his Dad going down sooo far and I hope his faith's rekindling sticks.


Married 1976
Me:BS
Him:FWS
MB Weekend March 2003
2 S's: '77 & '80, 1 D: '82
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PEACHYNESS!!!!! ***pounce* OMG girl it's been sooooo long....I just finished reading your update and I am SO proud of you...you have come so far and will continue to have a wonderful future. WOW I am so glad to hear of this kind of positive life post divorce like this...It is a wonderful influence to people now...yes there is LIFE post divorce....it maybe bad now...but it won't be forever.

You have entered the ranks of the successful who have struggled through and made it congratulations.

As for XH letter.....being so long post divorce you might be able to just accept the apology and move on...I know my XH somewhat had the same coming to god and need to apologize...but I have no emotion left over the situation...so it was basically...i accept your apology thank you and move on to the next subject. You are very strong and have made leaps and bounds I know you can get through this.

Hey my email addy is in my profile Drop me an Email I would love to catch up with ya.

Last edited by SIHW; 05/10/09 09:52 AM. Reason: fingers fast than brain
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