So the love bank is draining....

STBxWW here with kiddos today...and spends about two hours snooping around my computer. She finds where I'm storing my journals, my MB.com threads, etc., but cannot access them due to passwords

She discovers I've voice-recorded the D-paper serving and two conversations we had since then. She knows I'm seeing texts as her blackberry texts have gone silent.

I'm willing to be she's crapping her pants right now! I've got her asking where bullets are, talking about hurting herself, etc.

But she doesn't know that I know she knows...Understand? Do I just play this close to vest? Or should I say, "hey, I know you were snooping around on my computer last night, trying to hack in to my journals..."

Cat's out of bag already...any reason to let her believe she's being sneaky?

LG,

quit playing games, get that stuff off of your computer, make copies, give one to your lawyer and put the other in a safety deposit box YOU control.

What you don't see, is that she has apparently not once really appreciated how much this all hurt you and the kids. It is all about her and your cravings to "fix" her. When are you going to wake up and realize there is no HER, until she develops the ability called empathy. She has none, hence she is NOT marriage material and there is no "fixing" her.

She is nowhere near the bottom, and it is very likely she never will be as she will eventually move on with her life. Your job is to move on with yours. Any hope there is for you and this woman will only materialize after the divorce and after she actually develops empathy. Odds aren't high on this.

You need to really look at the data my friend, and the data is clear. she is going to fight you, and you may well lose this fight and control of your children. Quit messing around and start preparing to win and that means focusing on protecting your children and focusing on your goals.

God Bless,

JL

WOW!

D is on the cards, she is separated from her children, fears losing them, gets to spend the day with them at home, and spends two of those precious hours snooping on your computer.

WOW!

This woman is nowhere near rock-bottom. She is still "ME ME ME".

Does she have any idea what she has done to your children? She should be spending all those hours with your children, loving them, talking to them, holding them, filling them with the love she feels for them.

Instead she uses that precious time to snoop on your computer.

I'm sorry LG. Please allow her to hit the bottom. I know how hard this must be for you, but if you find it hard to do it for you, then think about what your children need from their mother. Allowing her to hit the bottom might help her to be the mother those children need.

Listen to Just Learning.

What were you thinking letting her into your house. Do not do that again.

Listen to Just Learning.

Attorney said I cannot physically keep her out of house. I'll check back in with him today.

Texts have gone silent since last night.

LG, I'm starting to get an image of a bunny rabbit and a rattle snake when imagining you and your wife. You are NOT the rattle snake here.

Be very, very careful not to take her too lightly. Do EXACTLY what your lawyer tells you to do. Don't ad-lib here.

She is 10x's cooler and more calculating than you.

Snake and bunny.

lg

Back up what you have on your computer ASAP. Put away a copy at your parents house and give a copy to your lawyer. If your computer is a lap top do not leave it home when you are not there to keep WW form tampering ith it.

And for goodness sake, set a darn password into the bios so she can't even boot to windows on your computer! Let her in the house in accordance with the lawyer's advice, but don't make your resources available to her!

If she was snooping around on your computer, I'd be concerned that she's figured out your new username here. It wouldn't be hard for her to see which threads you've been reading ... and from there it's not much of a leap for her to confirm the new identity.

I agree with JL & others. She has much more practice than you do at being deceptive & sneaky ... why are you assuming that you're a step ahead of her?

So your wife that is so repentant and doesn't want a divorce is snooping on you? Before I ask this question, I want you to know that I understand your desire to obtain a divorce to end the suffering that your wife is causing. I really do. Do you think that there is any possibility that your wife may hit rock bottom finally and be ready to recover the marriage in earnest? Have you considered a dark Plan B and a slightly slower divorce to give that possibility a chance? If you heart is dead to her, I understand.

If you have a tape of her asking where the bullets are, can you get a restraining order against her? This would keep her out of the house and help you stay dark as well.

It's Plan D. No questions asked. NO returning from that one.

I'll lock down the computers. What's best way to do that? How through the bios? Not sure on that one?

Laptop has nothing on it...file wise. Just post here with it. But run windows washer after every use. Keylogger tells me she has not accessed mb.com or anything like that from home computers.

I'll talk to attorney shortly...

Attorney said change locks. Done. SAid make copy of tapes etc. and we would to a restrain order (or something like that he called it).

Thought we could play nice. Thought she was upset and worried...but someone got in her ear and she snooped around my computer for over an hour yesterday looking...trying my passwords (didn't get in).

Love bank about at ZERO now. This is WAR! I will not falter, I will not break.

He says until I get the order I can lock house...but have to let her in when I'm here. Said don't cut off communication with her just yet. More to come, I'm sure...

I think a few others are hinting at the really a really interesting point. Her fear of divorce is all about her right now, not about losing YOU. How hard is she fighting for YOU? I know my wife barely lifted a finger to fight for me. Her fighting was out of fear of loss I think. She seems very hurt that that loss has included my respect and friendship, but I can’t imagine what she thought would happen here.

There will come a time, probably pretty quickly where you start feeling sorry for her in a different way. You will look at her and see someone with deep problems and feel sad that they were unable to address them in a healthy way. The urge to save her will fade as the love fades. I look at Coho and see a shell right now. She is willing to lose so much for an ill-conceived romance. She has no inner strength. Why would I want to be with this person?

I guess there is no need now that you are getting the locks changed, or will be escorting her while she is in the house. Editing the bios is not something you want to do if you are not comfortable with it. If you are worried, just go into the control panel in windows and set a password on your account, so she can't log in.

I agree, while merciless exposure sounds good, you will feel very bad about it down the road. You definitely have the right. I did it and its a powerful weapon...DUDE

We talked, and my love bank is running towards dry. She tried a few of her diflecting things on me (how could you change locks) and I threw right back in her face...you did this to YOU! Don't blame this on me.

She still hasn't seen an attorney...either that or she's stalling. I'll have to wait and see what my attorney says about restraining order.

Lockes changed, computers wiped dry (buddy said they will probalby confiscate my computer) and all backups out of the house.

Good move. You're showing a tremendous amount of strength that, sad to say, most BHs don't.

They may root around in your computer if they confiscate it. You may try crashing it or something similar, if you feel able to do that (meaning if you have backups of really important things saved etc).

All it takes is washing the motherboard in the dishwasher or nuking it for a few seconds in the microwave.

"You mean you CAN'T do that?" :MrEEk:

Hey, LG ... I must say that I'm IMPRESSED with your determination and focus once you made up your mind to pull the trigger on Plan D.

WELL DONE!!!

Today, you sound so much more confident and at peace with this hand that life dealt you, and speaking as a fellow BH, that is a GREAT thing compared to your frame of mind when you started this journey.

Slight T/J ... but I managed to call in a nice gobbler for my son this weekend, and we had several others that were close, but for one reason or the other, just couldn't put them in the bag, but WE HAD GREAT FUN.

Also, if you ever want to try upland game, and if you've got any access to good pheasant, quail, sharptail or prairie chicken habitat ... just say the word, and we'll load the setters in the trailer and head west to chase'm around. There's nothing like spending a day watching good pointing dogs do their thing.