When is enough, enough....... he has an affair which ended about 18mths ago, we then move to another state so he can take a job with opportunity then unfortunately he was retrenched but got headhunted straight away. Turns out his new boss is a bit of a tool and he has decided to quit.

Last time he had his little bit on the side was when he wasnt working and he met her on the internet while I was out supporting his sorry butt.

I am not going through all that again.

Do you think I should just tell him to stick it and move back home??

He is still so selfish everything is always all about him.

Perhaps I am just panicking cause I think he will start the crap again......

Will my life ever be normal again???

I feel for you. My FWH is a pilot, and I was forced to deal with intense emotions about his returning to work, since his job played a large part in his affair. It was so hard, because I was paralized with fear that the situation would repeat itself simply because the conditions were the same, and my fear was strong enough to swallow me up. So, I know where you are coming from. For me, keeping it real and sharing my heart was key. The hard part was avoiding love busters and doing it all in a loving way in spite of my pain.

Have you told him your fears and concerns? Have you set a boundary about how long you are willing to support him and asked him to establish extraordinary precautions while he is job searching so that he will not be tempted to wade back into affair waters? This type of conversation might be really helpful for you.

As far as the selfishness factor...I guess that is a constant battle for all of us, imo. What makes you feel like he is continuing in the type of selfishness that will lead to a repeat offense? Have you told him? Depending on his patience and willingness to hear your fears and concerns, maybe this can be cleared up with a little POJA? I think a lot may depend on where he is in his own recovery. Is he sorry AND repentant or just sorry? Good luck!

LP-
I struggle with my FWH's selfishness and thinking everything is about him too. i think that after some people are used to thinking this way for a long time -it becomes a difficult habit to break.

But it IS possible- only if your H will committ to doing ALOT of work.

Has he written Extraordinary Precautions with you? This is essential for you to feel safe in the marriage. The EPs made all the difference for my FWH and myself. i have begun to feel safe with him - although i am not there yet.

Is your H willing to work the MB program with you? Have you gotten Surviving an Affair yet and both read it?

and i dont know what "normal" is to you - but your marriage can recover and be better than before and your "normal" can be so much better.

My H and i are early in recovery - but we see that it is possible with ALOT of HARD WORK and TOTAL COMMITTMENT from the WS.

good luck, sunflower