Tell that husband of yours i said he is one lucky man, Its 6.35pm here so i am going to head home, i am at work at the moment. I will come back later and chat to you about your reply.

Thanks a million for all your help. Your a tough cookie but i like you

He is a lucky man! Yours is too. He has just forgotten. You are welcome. You are very stubborn but I like you too!

We have 2 hunting/fishing buddies coming over in a couple of hours so I don't know how much I will be on the internet after they get here. My husband served in the marine corps with one of them. They are both married and really nice. We are all going fishing tomorrow for the annual striper fishing trip. I'll be the only wife on the trip. My husband didn't invite me last year. It was boys only. This year he is happy that I am going. He told me so this morning. He also had a friend in Alabama invite him to go pig hunting and my husband replied that he would love to go if he could bring his woman. I heard him tell the friend that we do everything together these days. His friend didn't have a problem with that. Don't feel sorry for the pig though, we spend a lot of time walking through the woods holding hands when we go hunting and have had some naughty fun in the box blinds as well. My husband really likes to take me hunting now.

I wish you could worm your way into the golfing for two reasons. First, you could verify that he is golfing. I'm not convinced he's golfing if he doesn't respond to emergency text messages about your daughter needing to go to the hospital. Secondly, he loves it and he needs to associate anything that is enjoyable with you. Right now, he is escaping to have fun. That has to change. If I can go pig hunting and learn to love it, I think you could probably enjoy golfing. :crosseyedcrazy:

Oh, and if I don't get a chance to chat with you later, you know what I am going to say....

Where are you going to sleep? IN YOUR BED. Pleasant dreams.

Happy Mother' day. Hope you are ok.

Good morning SS,

Thanks for the Mothers Day greeting, i think we had ours back in March. All is quiet here at the moment. Didnt see much of H all weekend, he was working on sat and playing golf on sunday, i have no reason to doubt he was playing golf on the previous wednesday, his mother called and told me she enjoyed having him stay and that he enjoyed some golf with his brother the next day too. I asked him why he didnt reply to my text msg regarding our DD going to visit the doctor and he said he never received a message from me (dont believe any of it).

There is a chance for me to get some golf lessons for ladies which runs for 4 sat to introduce ladies to the game but i know if i told H about this he would only scoff at this and say i was trying to copy him so i dont think i will tell him at all, i am just going to get the lessons and see how i get on.

SS my h has been living independently from me for a long time now, he does his own thing like it or not, his sport is his sport and he wouldnt want me involved and thats ok with me, i really want to get involved with something for me, i dont know if i would enjoy golf that much but i do like pitch and putt, its a shorter game, so these lessons will help me either way.

I have seen some improvements in our relationship in the past while, nothing major but a step in the right direction all the same, like last week when he asked me if i minded him going out and when i said i did he rang his friend and cancelled, now that to me is progress, before he wouldnt have given a damn what i felt.

I still feel really hurt by what he said to me but i will put it aside for the greater good but i am not moving back into bed with him, i dont think we are ready for that, there is too much hurt going on on both sides that needs to be mended before we can get to that stage. There are holidays coming up next month that will put us in the same room toghether so i am going to work towards that and see how we get on.

I am glad that things are quiet at your end. You sound determined in your resolve to sleep apart from your husband so I won't debate the point with you. I am sorry that there is so much hurt and anger in your marriage that you cannot even sleep in your own bed without anxiety. Hope it gets better for you.

Thanks SS I appreciate your good wishes.

Hey Gabzz,have not been on much. Checking in on you. Wish I could go to bed with my WH. I would never throw an opportunity away again.
Woulda, coulda, shoulda, and I lost my marriage.
I know you are a stubborn Irish lassie but keep working at it and stop trying to convince yourself otherwise. This is marriage builders! Not marriage breakers. One small step at a time.

Hi Gabzz,

I have learned so much from Dr Harley's books and the good people on MB, and I am putting the things I have learned into practice in our marriage.

Our M is so much better and we are recovering. Some of the things we are both putting into practice have taken us out of our comfort zones, but we made the decision to follow the advice the vets gave us because what we had done previously hadn't given us the marriage we each wanted.

Just Learning gave us some great advice early on. He told me and BB that we needed a plan, that we should write it out, and follow it.

We did exactly this, and BB has it pinned to the wall over his desk in the office at home. I know it is much more difficult for you, because your H isn't actively involved in the process, but I think you need a plan to rescue your M, with actions, timescales and goals. You seems to be floundering a little, trying a bit of this and a bit of that, then getting discouraged and undoing your good work by LBing.

I want to ask you Gabzz, what is your plan for your marriage? Are you willing to work a plan?

I recently read this in Basic Concepts regarding Sexual Fulfillment:
When you married, you and your spouse promised to be faithful to each other for life. You agreed to be each other's only sexual partner. You made this commitment because you trusted each other to meet your sexual needs, to be sexually available and responsive to each other. The emotional need for sex, then, is a very exclusive emotional need. If you have this need, you will be very dependent on your spouse to meet it. You have no other ethical choices

But in most marriages, one spouse, usually the husband, has a much greater need for sex than the other. This tends to create a significant conflict if his need is not being met as often as he would like or the way he would like it to be met. That's why it is very important for you and your spouse to understand which one of you has the greatest need for sex, and how you can meet that need frequently and effectively for each other. Without that understanding and skill, you are likely to join the majority of marriages where the need for sex is not being adequately met.

Most people know whether or not they have a need for sex, but in case there is any uncertainty, I will point out some of the most obvious symptoms.

A sexual need usually pre-dates your relationship with each other, and is somewhat independent of your relationship. While you may have discovered a deep desire to make love to your spouse since you've been in love, it isn't quite the same thing as a sexual need. Wanting to make love when you are in love is sometimes merely a reflection of wanting to be emotionally and physically close.

However, one dead give-away for having a sexual need is sexual fantasies. If you have imagined what it would be like having your sexual need met in the most fulfilling ways, you probably have a sexual need. The more the fantasy is employed, the greater your
Learn more about Sexual Fulfillment
need. And the way your sexual need is met in your fantasy is usually a good indicator of your sexual predispositions and orientation.

The need for sex and the need for affection are often confused with one another. To help you sort them out, think of it this way: affection is an act of love (hugging, kissing, hand-holding, etc.) that is non-sexual and can be shared with friends, relatives, children and even pets with absolutely no sexual intent. However, if your affection tends to have a sexual motive, it is a symptom of your need for sex, not your need for affection.

If you tend to feel happy and contented when you make love, and you feel frustrated when you don't make love often enough or the way you want to make love, you have a need for sexual fulfillment.




You refuse to sleep in the same bed...
:twobyfour:

Hi Sere,
Yes i definately need a plan. You are exactly right, I try a bit of this and a bit of that and hope for the best but nothing definate or concrete, and bam he says something that upsets me and i am right back to where i started. Things were getting better between us and when he made the nasty comment i should have just walked out of the room and left the house to calm down, but no, i get upset, i take everything to heart and i get myself into a state and then i hate him for hurting me and on and on it goes.

SS has said i need to develop a thicker skin and she is right, maybe if i had just ignored his comment he might have had a think to himself about his comment and he might have even apoligised to me later but i didnt give him a chance to redeem himself and then all hell broke loose as usual.

To restore our marriage i think i can help this process by eliminating the following:

No sarcastic comments(i am trying really hard at this)

No disrespectful judgements (i do this all the time) If he doesnt come home when he is supposed i have him condemned in my mind before he even gets through the door, i dont say a thing but he knows by my expression that i am not happy so this has to stop.

Trust him more (this one is hard because he is so secretive and always has been, he keeps his cards very close to his chest and doesnt like being questioned about his whereabouts and of course i grill him every time. I dont think he should be allowed to do this but for the moment until things get better between us and we reach a point where he would take my needs on board then i will just have to keep my mouth shut.

Here is another DJ that has gone through my head, when he made that nasty remark to me, did he say it so as to piss me off knowing i wouldnt go back to sleep in the bed because if it? He knows how to push my buttons and i wondered if that is why he said it. I really dont think he wants me back in that bed at this moment in time and he definately doesnt want to have SF with me any time soon either.

Am i on the right track, im sorry for being a pain but i am not sure how to do this properly so i need any help i can get.

I will be back later Sere, i have to go home from work now

SS, I will be back to chat to you later too

Gabzz good goals now you have to break each one down and figure a way how to reach it.

eg.
No sarcastic judgements - how...
Don't react when H speaks. Learn to count to 10 and THINK before you speak. Or focus on changing the negative comment into a positive or a joke.

No disrespectful judgements. When he is late, don't greet him at the door wait till you take a breathe and come in and say "oh I made your special dessert", "oh I had a nice conversation with your mother"...diffuse it.

Trust him more.. Snoop for what you can. Register his phone and see who he calls. Knowledge is power. But if he seems to be where he says for him it might be more of a power issue than a trust issue. He might feel that he does not have to answer to you right now. Can't take it personal.

I want a success story here!

You have to stop letting your emotions dictate your plan. You must have a plan ahead of time for what you will do when things get bad. Do you keep a journal? Do you typically have the same fights over and over again? Are they triggered by offensive comments? Figure out what typically gets an argument started and tell us. We can give you some ideas on how to deal with these common fight starters ahead of time. You have to know that you have hurt him also. You have kept your distance from him and rejected him with your words and actions for years. He has withdrawn from you to deal with his hurt and protect himself just as you are doing by sleeping in the other room and making sarcastic comments.. He is more comfortable keeping you at a distance. When you start to get close, he is going to push you away to protect himself. He knows how to make you mad. You must have a plan to deal with this that does not drain his or your lovebanks.

You must remind yourself of all the ways that you have caused him pain. If you can understand your part in this, it will help you to understand why he retaliates. It is his pain and anger talking. If you stop being hurtful. He will not need to protect himself from you. The wall is up for a reason. Take away the reason. Know that he is in pain. When he starts to lash out at you, don't engage. Tell him that you don't appreciate where the conversation is going and walk away. Walk away quickly. You can come back later when tempers have calmed, without anger or sarcasm and tell him what he needs to know without judgement. You must learn how to do this. His hurtful words are meant to drive you away so you will back down because he is uncomfortable. My husband did this also. No good will come from escalating these conversations. You must calmly walk away. There is no other solution that I have found. This one simple thing has had miraculous results for my marriage.

You must succeed. When you are sarcastic, he will become defensive and you know where that leads.

He needs to call when he is going to be late but now is not the time to correct this. The disrespectful judgements do need to stop. It is ok to express disappointment when he doesn't do what he has agreed to do but you need to mention it calmly and then let it go for now.

I would keep my mouth shut but I would not trust him more until he starts behaving in a trustworthy manner. He is not doing that now. I would watch him like a hawk because his behavior is extremely wayward.

Yes! He is doing this to keep you away. I don't think that you need to get back in bed because he wants you too. He doesn't. Your marriage needs you to get back in your bed. You are fighting for your marriage. He has all but given up. You must get back in bed and stay there - no excuses. You have to make him want to be married to you again. The only way to do that is to make some drastic real changes in the way that you deal with him. NO MORE LOVEBUSTERS! NO MORE REJECTION! His lovebank may be empty with all of the back and forth hurt that you are swapping with him. You're still married - for now. He has put you on notice.

Right now, you are probably thinking, well, what about me? What about my needs? He is a jerk! Maybe I would be better off without him! Maybe you would. I think that you want to give your marriage a chance to be something that makes you both happy and satisfied or you wouldn't put up with all the crud that you have put up with. I am not blaming you entirely for the state of your marriage. He doesn't come here though and isn't trying to make this better. YOU ARE! Do the work! Hang tough! You could end up with a really lovely marriage and hot passionate sex and mutual respect and care. Or, you could end up divorced, knowing that you did everything you could to recover your marriage after he screwed up. Either way, you will know that you gave it your all.

If you keep making excuses for not doing what it takes to recover your marriage, it will not recover. Next week will turn into next year and he will leave. He has already said as much.

It is not too late. You must start today.

No you are not on the right track. You are standing there looking at the track and talking about getting on the track soon. You must jump on the track and stay there. It will get scary. You will have to let your defenses down. You are afraid. I get it. Everybody is afraid of something. The difference between success and failure is how you deal with your fear. Face it, say hello and push it aside. Don't let it rule you anymore.

This is good! I do better following a plan, I am going to draw up a list of things i do/did wrong and then list what i will do in future instead. I will post them here tomorrow for feedback from you all.

What do you mean about registering his phone? I dont know how to do that. I would like to see who he is texting all the time, he is always on that bloody phone texting texting texting. I dont trust him with a mobile phone, it was his main way of communicating with OW when he was having the affair and it really bugs me that he is constantly on it.

Hope you are right, i am a stubborn Irish Lassie or another word for Irish girl is Cailin, with a fiery temper when i am annoyed, but without the red hair

Hi SS, Thanks for your help,
I will get a plan of action going tomorrow for sure. I dont keep a journal i would be afraid anyone in the house would read it so tonight i have set up a notepad sort of diary that is in my email account and i will be able to update it each day. I did do somethinglike thisbefore back in feb when i came here first but someone advised me not to do this because it was like keeping score. I really should have kept it up because i could see what actions gave positive results. The fights are usually triggered by either offensive comments or parenting our children. This usually involves our daughter who is 15, wanting somthing or wanting to go somewhere and asking me if its ok which seems fair enough because H is never really here very much. If i say yes thats fine he will disagree straight away and then D will get mad at him, then he gets mad at her and then i chime in and tell him to go easy on her, then he tells me to butt out and mind my own business and then i get mad at him ..........After all this he will end up telling her its fine for her to do whatever it is she was asking for in the first place but by this time we are at each others throats and we are not talking to each other AGAIN.

I have been consciously trying my best not to be sarcastic towards him at all over the last few months and i think i have really improved a lot. but i am no saint and the fact that he does it to me all the time doesnt help either. For instance his brother and girlfriend came to visit on sunday and as they were leaving they saw my car in the driveway and commented that it was a lovely car. I said thanks and H piped up, yeah, it would be better if it was paid for though! I of course got sarcastic and said well its my car and im paying for it not you so why are you saying that. He said well as long as you dont expect me to pay for it! WTH, i pay for it myself and have never asked him for money to pay for it so i dont know what he is going on about except he was just shouting his mouth off in front of his brother who was looking from one to the other of us and wondering what was going on :crosseyedcrazy:


I know i have hurt him deeply by neglecting his needs and especially SF which would be high up there for him but not so high for me,in saying that i did enjoy it when i didnt have weight on and i was happy with how i looked and felt about myself. I now realise another reason i moved into the spare room was because it took the pressure off me to have sex with him. I cannot even look at myself naked without cringing so there is not much hope of me taking them off for him especially when he has told me in the past that he cannot understand how some people can let themselves go. he has made comments about my size in the past that have hurt me too. my H thinks a lot of himself, he is in the gym 5 days a week pumping iron and he is very muscular so fat does not impress him at all


I can see why you would think this and i agree with you to an extent, i dont think he is having an affair but he is acting very sneaky which i absolutely hate. he is an awful liar at times and this is very hard for me to take because of past behaviour for instance. he works with children in care and last summer he went for a few days down the country with the other staff and the kids for a holiday. he was due home say at 5pm on the friday evening and at six he text me and said
" am driving home at the moment and it will be about 2 hours before iget home so i will see you then" he was driving his own car at the time but what he didnt know was that i was standing beside his car in the carpark reading this text. he likes to gamble playing the poker machines and his car was parked outside the building, i poked my head inside and saw him play the machines. WTH, i text him back and called him a big liar etc and another row broke out later when he got home.

When things calmed down a bit and i asked him why he lied he said he didnt want me to know he was in that place gambling, he doesnt like it that he goes there but is drawn to it at times, i told him that i didnt mind if he went in there as long as he wasnt spending our joint money and i told him he didnt have to lie to me about it that i was ok with it but he still sneaks down there now and again but i know when he goes there, he went missing yesterday from 3 until 10pm and i went there and his car was outside, i saw him come out of it at 9.45. When he came home i asked him where he was and he wouldnt answer me. There have been a lot of rows over this but not the fact that he goes there but the big lies he tells me to cover himself that i dont believe anyway!!!

Dont worry, i am watching him like a hawk and i would like to be able to read his phone to see who he is texting but he keeps it close to him at all times. I will check this out and see if anyone can advise me on how to do this. Okay i am really tired now so i am going to get some sleep. i go for my weigh in on thursday am so i will let you know how the results.

Night night

I keep a journal for a couple of reasons. First to record details that I might forget later such as where we eat out, what time he comes home, the days that we have SF, the phone numbers that he texted and called. This helped me put together the puzzle of the affair when it was going on. It helps me verify that he is not having an affair now. The second reason, is to put down on paper what I am feeling. When I see my thoughts on paper, it helps me get it out and see it without starting a fight. A lot of times I can talk myself out of a bad mood this way. I can put down my complaints and come up with a solution. It helps me focus.

Now that you look back on it, it would have been a good time to say thank you and let him rant alone. He would have looked like the nut instead of both of you.


My husband is the same way. He is very insulting about anybody that gains weight - including me. It hurts. It is honest though and we need to hear it. We want to be attractive to our spouses so we need to do what it takes to be healthy not only for them but for us. We deserve to be healthy and desireable. I do understand how hard it is. This is a very honest problem. Going to the other room won't solve it. You can't banish yourself until you are the perfect weight. You have to find a way to accept yourself right now - today. Accept yourself as you are. Then you can let down your guard and allow your husband to accept you.


Confronting him without proof won't make him tell the truth. He will deny everything unless you can prove your accusations. I made every excuse imaginable for my husband until I discovered his affair. The lying, the independent behavior, the weekends, the lack of sf, will lead to another affair. He has the weakness for it. If things don't change quickly, it will happen again. If it is already happening, you can still save your marriage. He is already distancing himself from you but he hasn't left.

Fighting about it won't fix it. BTDT. My husband lied about going to the bars on the way home. We fought about it constantly. He didn't see OW everytime he went missing. But, he did have an affair.

There is a cell phone spy program that can read the text messages of certain phones. Check out brickhousesecurity.com

I think keeping a journal will help me keep focused on the changes i need to make in the way i interact with H

For example:

When H says anything hurtful i usually retaliate with something hurtful back at him INSTEAD i will get myself as far away from him as possible and calm down and keep telling myself that it is his way of keeping me at a distance, that he needs to justify why he wants out of the marriage and i am helping him do that if i fight back at him. By keeping calm and walking away i can think about what he said that was hurtful, why he said it, and come here for help on what to say to him to let him know that he has hurt me.

Sarcastic comments need to be eliminated and the way i intend to do that is to think about what i am going to say first, count to 10 and then make sure what comes out of my mouth is positive and not negative. if i find myself about to say something that is not nice then i will count to 10 and think of what it is going to achieve then turn it around and say something nice instead.

I would like to be able to trust him but the bottom line is i dont. I think hope is right when she said it is more of a power issue of him not being accountable to me for anything he does,he feels because he said he wants out of the marriage that it is ok for him to go off and not tell me where he is going etc. When things were ok between us he did tell me where he was, he would ring me etc and tell me his whereabouts without me having to ask so i do think its a power thing with him. I am going to download the spy programme to put my mind at ease. I want to find out more about it before i do that. He would go beserk if he found out i was checking his phone calls and messages but thats what he gets for being a wayward.

I know that admiration is one of him top EN but i find it hard to give him compliments because i think he is too cocky already, he is full of himself, he loves himself,the saying goes, if he was an icecream he would lick himself. maybe this is all an act for my benefit i dont know but i do know i have to get past this and admire him and compliment him without expecting anything back. He has told me in the past that he has been asked out by women and he felt flattered by this and that he was glad that at his age he still had IT. whatever it means.


I am done making excuses,i am really going to pull out all the stops and make this work.


SS, i love your attitude, you are great, i really admire the way you have turned your marriage around. Your husband sounds a lot like mine too. My H used to be in the Military also until 3 years ago.

I am very emotional, i get upset easily as you have seen. i take things to heart but i intend from here on in to put my emotions aside (when h is around) and come here instead if i want to have a cry or moan or whatever. Is there anything else i am leaving out that i should be thinking of?

weight watching going well, lost 1lb this week, a bit dissappointing but a loss all the same, thats 24lbs in total WOOOOOHOOOOOO People are starting to notice, husband didnt say anything yet but its early days.

I keep my journal on my computer and have it password protected. It does help me.

This sounds good. It will be hard to keep it up but you must work at it. It will get easier, the more times you do it.

There is a very good reason that you don't trust him. He is not behaving in a trustworthy manner. I think on some level he thinks he has your permission to do as he pleases because he told you what his intentions are and you haven't kicked him out early. Have you told him that you want to make the marriage work or are you just trying to change his mind without talking about it? I am asking because I don't remember if you ever told him that you want him to stay.

I think that it is a sign of waywardness. Is somebody boosting his ego?

Good! What is your plan? What is important to him? We know that physical attractiveness is important and you are working on your weight. Are you dressing as attractively as you can for where you're at right now? Are you fixing your hair and face everyday before you see him? Do you smell good? The lovebusters have to stop. He has to enjoy talking to you. That is not possible if the conversations are adversarial. You have to sleep in the same bed. There are many plus-size tasteful online places to get pretty things to sleep in. Here are a couple places you can shop online:
http://www.fredericks.com
http://www.lanebryant.com
You have to tell him the things that you genuinely admire about him (think hard). Recreational Activities are important (he is always going away to golf). I think that there is a reason that you are excluded. You might want to follow him or show up at the golf course and check it out some time. Is a clean tidy house a big deal to him? A great website to get a routine for this is http://www.flylady.net/


Thank you. I am a work in progress. I have good days and bad days just like everybody else. I love my husband very much - even though he has hurt me more than I ever thought it was possible to be hurt by someone. I am still trying to recover from that. I am fighting every day to have the marriage that we both deserve. It is getting better.

I am very emotional too. I know how hard it is to do the correct thing instead of the emotional thing. You have many reasons to be very upset. Hang in there.

Remember, he doesn't want to have reasons to stay. He is in the wayward mindset. He is looking for reasons to leave. Don't give him any. Make it as hard as possible for him to walk away from you.

Thats a good idea, i didnt know how to password protect a document but i have since found out and now i have my journal saved like this too. Thanks


Old habits die hard but i am doing my best, got tempted a few times yesterday but i kept my mouth zipped, it seems to trigger me when he has annoyed me about somthing, what he said to me last week is still bugging me and that he didnt apologise for it.


I have never told him directly that i want him to stay, i did tell him how i felt about him one night i had a few beers on me and i asked him if he knew i felt like this and he said he didnt, i asked him did it make any difference to how he felt about wanting to finish our marriage and he said he didnt know but that he would take what i had said on board (whatever that means)


My husband has always been fond of blowing his own trumpet, i read somewhere that this is a sign of someone who is insecure and portrays themsleves as the big i am to cover their insecurities, that said, He is a handsome man and i have seen it first hand myself the way women react to him. He doesnt go out of his way to flirt with them or anything but i have been out with him on more than one occasion and women have been giving him the smiles, batting the eyelashes at him and right in front of me too! He has a great personality and is full of chat to everybody and anybody, people are drawn to him especially women


I do keep myself looking well all the time, i do my makeup every day, i get my hair coloured and get highlights in too. I wear nice perfume that he has bought me over time (i have plenty of variety) In general i look after myself very well. I am really happy with the weight loss so far, it is finally starting to come off after many false starts over the years and people are commenting on how great i look. I am no raving beauty but my h has told me before (when he liked me :)) that i am a very attractive woman, but that the weight takes away from my looks big time so i am working hard on getting rid of it for good.

There is no way i am wearing any sexy gear in plus sizes, i just couldnt do that, i used to wear them for him when i was slim and he loved it! It wont be too long before i am wearing it again.

We went out last night to our local bar that has live music, we had a really fun night, i told him how good he looked. No LBs or DJs just a fun night that we both enjoyed .

A clean tidy house is a big thing to him. I work full time and so does he so the only chance i get is at weekends, but he doesnt help much, before, i would get annoyed because he wasnt helping me around the house but now i know he is not a mind reader and that if i ask him to help me in a nice way then he will no problem. He looks after the gardening side of things. I will check out the websites you gave me (thank you)

I dont think he is excluding me from golf for a reason at all, he is a real mans man and to him his physical activities are for him and his friends be it the gym or golf and i dont have a problem with this at all.


Thanks for your help SS, i appreciate it so much, i will work my butt off to make him want to stay of his own accord.

Just an update.
My first big test on keeping my mouth shut and not getting upset happened on sunday morning and i passed with flying colours

H had planned to go play golf. I wanted to go to a shopping centre which is about 30 miles away. I asked him if he wasnt going to play golf (weather was terrible) would he come with me to the shopping centre,i only wanted him to come with me because i wasnt sure how to get there, at first he said no, i am not going there today its too late, (it was only 2pm.) not today maybe some other time (now usually i would get upset) and i still did feel upset but i didnt show it, i was thinking to myself that he had no problem jumping through hoops whenever his friends call but when i ask him to do one thing, straight away i get a resounding NO, I went upstairs and calmed myself down. and didnt LB.

I went back downstairs and carried on chatting to him as if nothing happened, half an hour later he came into the kitchen and told me if i wanted to go then he would come with me. At this stage i was upset that he said no in the first place but i didnt show it, i thought to myself that he had made an effort and that it would be some time spent together alone so i said thank you i appreciate that you will come and off we went. We had a pleasant evening after that and it made me think about how i have been contributing in the tit for tat fighting that has been going on between us and the negative way that i usually react to him. A good lesson for me.

weight watching going really well

YES YES my friend...GREAT JOB!!

You had a break though!! That's what we have been trying to tell you!!

BABY steps.... He's a good guy that has a layer off hurt that needs to be MELTED away....

BTW... I'm sure HE LEARNED something today too!!

Gab....