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Joined: May 2009
Posts: 3
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Joined: May 2009
Posts: 3
let me start from the beginning. 2 years ago i had a affair on my wife with her "supposed" to be best friend. i was in the military and we new i was going to go just not when. at the time we were actually trying to have a baby. The affair ended about 1/2 a month before my wife found out she was pregnant. i told her about the cheating when she was 1 month pregnant. i had no feelings for the girl i was just plain stupid. i loved my wife and i had to tell her before someone else did. well she stayed with me and we went to a few counseling sessions. then i was activated to go to iraq. i was gone the the last several months of the pregnancy and in feb. 08 she had our amazing daughter. she dealt with severe post pardum depression and i had to come home to take care of her and the baby. we have just been going through life like nothing was wrong. i new she hated me for what i did. she said she loved me but wasnt in love with me. she didnt want to go to counseling because she felt like she was being punished for what i did. this past month she has met this guy on the internet that lives 900 miles away. he is married but not happy. his wife is 8 weeks pregnant with his child. they talk and text all day then at night they stay up till 3 or later in the morning talking on the computer. things have gone down hill so fast i feel like i'm free falling. i'm trying to do everything that i know to do to keep my marriage and family together. she says she doesnt want to love me again but she says she is willing to stay and be miserable for our daughter because neither one of us can stand the thought of being away from her. i know the reason she doesnt want to love me again is because she hasnt forgiving me for what i did and she has it so bad for this guy that she thinks he is the only one who can make her happy and she cant quit talking to him. she is in love with the butterflies and the in love feeling you have when you meet someone who she thinks is her soul mate. it hurts so bad because i know how bad i hurt her now and the fact that she has strong feelings for another guy. she says she wants to meet him one time and see if there is anything there but i know what will happen because they have it built up so much in there heads that they are perfect for each other that she will fall deeper in love with him. i dont know what to do.. i love her so much. i want to save my family and marriage because i know that if i could get her away from him where she didnt have feelings for him that we could be happy and in love again.

please give me some advice.

hopeless in indiana

M.C.

i know that i deserve what ever i get for cheating on my wife but i'm so sorry about what i did and i've done everthing to let her know how much i love her and have let her know what i'm doing and where i'm at since then. i just want to get her to give our marriage one more shot with the help of a professional if not only for our sake but for our daughters. i would do anything in this world for both of them. they are my life and my joy. i just cant get her to stop talking to him. i'm so sorry.

Joined: Oct 2008
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Joined: Oct 2008
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She is a ding-a-ling if she's planning to swap one cheating husband for another one.

Please post in General Questions II, where people can help you bust the affair, but please expect to get batted about a bit for cheating yourself.


Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
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Joined: Oct 2007
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First, you have to stop their affair! Find out this man's wife's number and call her. TODAY!

After that, you have a bunch of other steps, but the first thing you have to do is let his wife know so she can (hopefully) rip him a new one and get him to leave your wife alone.

Joined: Apr 2009
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First thing that I would do is go to any extreme to get rid of the internet access. She can go to the library or elsewhere I'm sure, but not in the comfort and privacy of her home. Who is paying the cell bill? If it is you, I would disconnect her # and block long distance on the house phone. Again she can get online and get a paid cell but if you are able to do these things I would do it. It will take her some time to work around it and anything you can do to stull or interrupt their communication is helpful. Cat is right about the wife. Faster you do that, the faster he will end it. There is a good chance that his wife thinks they are happily married and he is lying. He may stop all contact himself if she finds out.

Did you ever think she is doing this to drive you crazy? If they were really going to meet, why haven't they? I think he is in a solid marriage. Don't allow her to stay there and do these things in front of your face. Sure you were wrong, but if you want to make it work you have to stop this.

Joined: Jul 2001
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IWMF, Welcome, and thank you for your service to our country.

I'm glad your wife is willing to stay and be miserable for the sake of your daughter. That gives me hope that she'd be willing to stay and be happy for the sake of your daughter and herself. Next time she says she's willing to stay and be miserable, tell her:
1. When I married you, I married you for life. I want to be married to you.
2. I want to create a marriage in which we are both happy. Anything less than BOTH of us being happy is not an option.

Then, you do need to expose what's going on. I always like the idea of exposing ti to her family and choice friends, rather than yours. You don't need people badmouthing her to you while you're trying to save your marriage. While some may think you're reaping what you sowed, they will all think she's insane to be carrying on with a man 900 mi. away.

Also, a very first thing to do is eliminate all Love Busters. You can find these in the basic concepts section. They are Independent Behavior, Angry Outbursts, Disrespectful Judgements, Lies and Dishonesty, and Selfish Demands. These quickly drain love away. Then, you can start meeting whatever of her needs she'll let you.


Divorced.
2 Girls
Remarried 10/11/08
Widowed 11/5/08
Remarrying 12/17/15

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