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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 1
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 1
Hi, actually I'm not new to this forum, back to 2004 I was active asking advise from all forum members resolving my marriage problems. But it seems it was not working for me. I want to share again and asking for help.

To be short, I was cheated again and again by my wife. I'm a husband with 2 sons, 8 and 4. In 2004 I red-handed her having an affair with my best friend. All of us ( me, wife and best friend )work at the same company. Best friend then admitted the relation and ended it, move to other company. My wife promise will not cheating on me again. She then move to new company, I agree and support her decision, she also convinced me that she will never abuse my trust, 7 month in that company she then got an offered from another company, with better deal and salary. However I then found that she was exchange intimate text with this guy from the company who offered her a job. I found and asked her about it, she denied having relationship with this guy and asked me to not talked about it as he will become her team-worker in her new job or she will keep silent to me. I gave up and tried to convinced my self that she will not cheating on me again. I read book Peale's How to Positive Thinking to help me out on this. In daily life she always keep avoiding talking about this guy, even when she was telling about her job situation. However I often found texts between them, missed calls and calls dials. For the last 1,5 years I ignored it and always convinced my self that she will change, time will change her. I keep trying to be the best husband in front of her, keep depositing love banks. I'm a humble husband, I work in IT field which is mostly prevent me to going home early, but I always able to manage my self to have time with family, I always come home early to not losing my relationship with kids, so I can teach them too. But this is not applicable for her, she often came late at night, saying that she is busy with her job ( she work for hospitality sales marketing ). I understand about how to entertain colleagues in Hospitality Sales Marketing, but what she was doing is too much. I often found that she can't be contacted on her mobile if she came late. Always saying that the traffic has prevent her going home on time if I know her that she had already left her office early before.

For this last 1 years, she ignoring family needs, she failed to treat her child, she only chat with kids in the morning for approx 1 hours before left to workplace. She never cooks for kid this last 1 year. Every weekend she spent her day in front of TV rather than companying kids. Every day in the evening kids usually already fall asleep when her get back from work. She never have intention to have sex with me , saying that she was tired. If she did, that because I beg to her for it. In her daily life, morning she go for work, evening she get home, then sleep, the same pattern runs daily. Work, Get Home, Sleep .

Last month I red-handed her, I found her with this guy after chasing them for about 2 hours. Classic reason was given before I decide to red-handed them, She called me saying she will coming late due to lots of workload.

She was speechless then, She can't deny anymore. However she never felt remorse for what she have done to me.

Up to know she never give any answer, about my big question 'WHY' ?.

As far as I know, this is also my total fault. I was giving up and let her change by herself instead of I asked her to change. This is mainly because she is so stubborn, she always feels right, I'm too scared to hurt her feelings. I prefer hurt my self rather than hurting hers.

My expectation that she will change by herself is totally wrong. My effort since 2004 to bring this matter into our discussion was failed, she prefer to not talking about what she have done to me in the past. I know, leave the problem without finding the answer is tend to make the problem even worst. This is just because she is not willing to discuss and we failed to find the solution. She keep cheating on me again and again . She never want to adjust herself, she is ignoring her family needs, children etc.

UP to know, she still keep silent, not want to talk about it. She even still contact with this guy. Nothing I can do.

Please help ........

PS. Sorry for my bad English.


Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
I'm sorry, but you married a selfish serial cheater who cares nothing about you.

Hire a PI to gather evidence, proof of her affair(s). Keep a journal of all the work you do for your children, and all the work she DOESN'T do. Prove that she is being an unfit mother with this journal. Ask other people to sign a piece of paper saying so.

Then hire a lawyer to divorce her and keep your children.

I wish I could tell you that you could do something to change her, but you can't.

Divorce her - for the children. You do NOT want them to see what she is doing as the right thing to do. It is your job to teach them morals; the only way you can do that is to leave her.

Moderated by  Fordude 

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