Last night I finally exploded with all the rage and hatred I felt for the ow. She still works for H and I saw her car at the office one too many times this week plus I just found out they were going to be at two conferences together. (I am thinking about showing up at the conferences) Its over with H and ow - However, finally, after seven or eight months of holding back my rage which I guess a lot of us are amazingly able to do while we are so desperately focused on getting our spouses back, I gave H a good dose of the hatred I felt for her for hurting me, our child, our family and trespassing on my marriage. I told him how no one hurts my family and just gets away with it. I then went on to tell him all of the horrible things I wanted to do to her (well, not all!). Also told him it was hopeless we would ever be able to recover from his affair with ow still around and how her presence just perpetuates my pain, resentment and anger. I was practically foaming at the mouth. Don't know if I feel much better except that H really hung in there and showed great empathy and held me etc. (when I was still enough to stop the violent shaking) This was huge progress for us. In the past any expression of anger, sadness, frustration etc. only caused him to withdraw so I learned to never express a feeling unless it was positive. (part of our receipe for marital disaster) This time he didn't run away and even understood without my telling him how I feared my blow up would cause him to withdraw or leave...he even came home from work midday just to be with me knowing how I'd fear he'd leave. Just wanted to share this little bit of progress on a long painful journey.

Congratulations Simone. It really is sad that we have to keep all our feelings bottled up until they explode. I did the same thing, held everything inside, trying not to bring up anything negative, until one day it all came flooding out. I said some pretty awful things to my H. Every one of them was true, but I said them in such mean, horrible ways. My H didn't run away either. It was actually the beginning of true recovery for us and will hopefully work the same for you. I found that once all the hate and negative things had spewed out we were finally able to deal with them and start healing.

Glad you got it out and all in all it was positive.<P><P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Congrats Simone...<P>You seem to be making progress. Please tell you husband and I must tell you that he is f fortunte man. Thursday of next week I attend the final hearing for the final acceptance of our divorce. I was not as lucky as your husband. My wife only "Hung" in for 7 days. Each day he needs to be thankful you are caring, want to make it work, and work hard to get it back even with all the pain.<P>You need to know this so you have a different perspective.<P>Best to both of you on your road back!<P>mr r

Simone-<P>We have the same story (big surprise huh? - it starts to get so stereotypical). I hope we can get to that point in our marriage. Right now, it's only been a few weeks so I've got it all bottled up trying not to give him an excuse to seek comfort from the OW if I blow up. I know it's going to pop tho, at him and her. Mine hasn't told me he yet he's giving her up. It's a slow painful death I feel. My fear now is that OW's H is going to hurt mine when he finds out about their adultery (I don't use the word affair anymore, it's too nice). Maybe mine has it coming, but I have to think about my kids and hope this other H is not a violent person. It's going to be hard if this is ever over because my H also works with the OW. I don't know how to move on just because of that fact. Take care. At least you have him back and you can move forward, progress!

Simone, it was really funny but it seemed as though my H respected me more for the night that I actually blew up. Though I didn't really blow, I just let out alot of the anger and pain and let him know just how badly he had hurt me. I think sometimes they need to know that they actually hurt us. That they meant that much to us and that the pain is something really hard to bear. My H still has to hear about it and we are at least 8 months into recovery. It's not nearly as bad now as it was but the pain still is something that needs to be dealt with. Congrats, I think you made a step in the right direction! God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P><BR>

Betrayed - I'm so glad your volcano erupting was the beginning of true recovery and that your marriage is now healthy. It was nice to hear that as I was so fearful I'd drive him away.<P>FHL - Thanks as usual for your kind words. So far no fallout from my explosion - though I think he only got a dropperful from an ocean maybe it will be enough for me to move on.<P>mrrlk - Thank you. I will tell H what you said. I am so very sorry your wife wasn't strong enough to hang in there as you were.<BR>Take care of yourself.<P>Hurt Bad - I agree -- don't blow up with anger yet, especially if he is still in the push/pull stage. I feel so bad for you - it is so much more difficult when your spouse works with the op. I am hoping the best for you.<P>chick's - It's true with my H too that he seems to respect me more when I express the intensity of my feelings. At one point during this process he said it showed him how much I really did love him that his affair hurt and enraged me so much. Like you we are also getting close to eight months post disclosure - seems like eternity!