A few days ago, my wife blew up at me when I questioned her about a credit card charge that she made. She claims that she informed me about it in advance, but I do not remember her communicating it to me. I saw the bill in my name and was shocked. If I truly expected it, then I would not have been upset. The charge was small, but I am very anal about my finances and do not offer any apologies about it whatsoever. I have been married to her long enough to know along with her snotty ways that she would have treated me like I killed someone if the situation was reversed.

She started throwing in my face the fact that she has more credit cards than I will ever have. I did not let this bother me because I am not the one with bill collectors calling me. I have been burned in the past by family for misusing my finances. As a result, I am very careful when it comes to credit regardless of who it is.

I have told her about what my family did to me at the time. She uses it as a weapon when we argue before calling me insulting and hurtful names. She needs to realize that she cannot talk to people anyway she feels like. One day, I am afraid that she is going to say something to someone who will not be her "good soldier" and grin and take it.

How can I deal with her without losing my cool and stooping to her level? I am seven years younger than her and am more serious about life and business than she is. I do not take money and business for a joke. I refuse to apologize for being disciplined in with my finances.

Wow, um, is she not authorized to make charges on your card? If you are 'serious and unapologetic' about it, then you have several things you can do:

1. Dispute the unauthorized charge with the credit card company.
2. Call the police and have her arrested for fraud and theft.

If she IS authorized to use your credit card, then revoke authorization and suck this up as a learning experience.

But wow, you talk about your wife like crap. Why are you married?

If you are truly that anal and unapologetic, I'm sure she feels like you are treating her like a child, and hates it (or you).

If you're so smart about it all, why are you two not sitting down with Quicken or something and working out your finances together, so that she doesn't feel like she has to protect herself from you?

Why don't you tell her to use her cards since she has more than you.

One tactic that has worked for me well with the mother in law and wife when they are speaking in a downgrading manner is that I calmly tell them that I will not sit and listen to them talk to me like a child. If need be, I leave the room.