It's been awhile since I posted here. Everyone was warning me about this girl. Later on some people even began to say that I was the crazy one for not calling her parents or the police. I don't know, I guess I was just hoping that my H would reallize it was weird and put an end to it. I am not usually a confrontational person and did not want to do anything that might lead to more drama.

However, I finally decided to call the girl's mother a few days ago. I didn't want to talk about this over the phone so I invited her to go out for coffee and lunch. Things were going well and I didn't want to spoil our day but I had to bite the bullet and tell her what was going on. I started with the Christmas party. Girl's mom said that for the next few days she was talking about my husband a lot. Saying things like "Steve is so great," "Steve made that party so much fun" etc. By mid-January she wasn't talking about him so much. Maybe she realized it was turning weird and tried to hide it.

Next I mentioned the car ride from New York. She told me that her daughter came into the house at 1 AM in When she asked, the daughter said that she spent the whole evening catching up on homework, that is why she came home for the weekend so late. The truth is that she went to see my husband's show, and lied to her family about it. I could tell her mother was surprised to hear that.

Then I mentioned the youth orchestra concert. She told me that she had seen her daughter leave the house with a videocamera on Saturday, but didn't know where she was going. She backed up my husband's claim that the girl is obsessed with videotaping everything in her path. Many times the girl would go for a bike ride and take the camera with her, recording God knows what.

When I explained the obsession with my husband, she was a bit shocked. She knew her daughter had enjoyed his company at the party but had no idea that it would turn into a crush. I also brought up the desire to transfer colleges. The school my H works at has 4-5 different campuses in this and the neighboring county. If the girl is still set on coming to this school it would be wise for her to take classes on one of the campuses where my husband doesn't work. Thankfully, her mom understood when I explained the trouble this could cause for his career if she started getting too close to him. Then there is still the Youth Concert in June. There's a good chance the girl might show up, but I hope things will get better now that her parents finally know.

I am SO glad you talked to her?

What's been going on on your H's side?

What a relief. I'm glad the mother was understanding because you just never know.

GG

What you did was snuff out a smokey object in the trash bin before any flames started.

Good job.

Learn from this that you CAN muster the strength to face things head on in a timely manner to prevent trouble.

Redvine, glad you finally took action. If I was more proactive at the beginning instead of not making waves maybe it would be different. This girl has problems, emotional or whatever. It is her parent's problem now but keep watching watching watching.

The conversation with her mother lasted a long time. It helped shed some light on the girl's personality. She has been shy for most of her life and had trouble making friends. Her mom said that she could talk to kids in school but wouldn't hang out at the mall, go to friends' houses or birthday parties etc. She says her daughter never understood how other kids managed to get people to hang out with them after school. When middle school/ high school kids talk about parties, they usually mean parties at a friends home with kids their age and parental supervision. My husband's stalker didn't have good enought social skills for that kind of thing. The only parties she attended were the ones that her parents got invited to. She and her younger brother would be the youngest people there, and everyone else would be middle aged.
Her mom says she enjoyed these parties. High school kids like to engage in shallow gossip, like which celebrities are hot or who's "hooking up" with who. This girl didn't care about that kind of stuff. When she was talking to the older people at her parents parties she would talk about more intellectual things that her peers probably weren't interested in. Everybody would then praise her and tell her how smart she is. This is actually common with smart people. There are smart kids who tend to be shy, and get along with older people rather than people their own age.
By her senior year of high school, she became desperate to hang out like everyone else. In February 2008, she started hanging with a group of neighborhood kids. She went over to their houses, went to two birthday parties and even got one of them to go to the prom with her. Her mom says she was excited about finally having a normal teenage life.
Fast forward to December 2008. She went to the Christmas party and met my husband. By this time she had been hanging out with her new friends for almost a year, but old habits are hard to break. For most of her teenage life she had been comfortable around people of her parents' generation. My husband may be 50, but he looks younger and acts young at heart. When she met him something must have clicked.
Then her mother told me more about her socialization problems. Her daughter had been in counseling and had received a psychological evaluation in the Fall of 2007. The shrink who worked with her wrote a report which mentioned the word "Aspergers" once or twice. Asperger syndrome is a light form of autism. People who have it develop normal intelligence, but have poor social skills. They also tend to have "special interestes" which they will obsess over. She was never officially diagnosed, but it is suspected that she might have it. When a lonely person finally finds a friend they will do anything to keep that person near them. They have had a void for so long, and after it has been filled they want to make sure it stays that way. I know this has been a long post but I think it is really important that I learned all this from her mother. It will be easier to deal with this now that I know what makes her tick.

Explain all this to your husband. Show him that should he befriend the girl again, he is feeding into her obsessiveness and keeping her from getting same age friends.

He is doing her harm by continuing his behavior with her.

You are not thinking of hiding all this from your husband are you? You are going to tell him about talking to her mom arent you? Please tell him all of this.

I have 2 sets of friends who have children that are Aspergers kids.

They are BRILLIANT children - but VERY obsessive about their likes and dislikes.

I think it would help your husband A LOT if he knew about this syndrome.

Good that you talked to the girl's mom.

Now, have a very overdue discussion with your husband. Stop waiting for him to "reallize it was weird and put an end to it". You need to spell this out for him.