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#2263109 05/18/09 12:24 PM
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I'm interested in what people have experienced as far as their WH/WW rewriting history. Mine claims to have never been in love with me and that I have never been attractive to him. This is after 25 years together! Never had a difficult time in bed, lol! We have been through very, very much together including the death of a child, job losses, career changes and 15 moves in 19 years. Somehow that seems to cloud what we use to have, I guess. So let's hear them! What "news" have you heard about your marital history?


BS(me)45 yrs.
WH 48
married 23
son, 17, son, 8
daughter in heaven
dday 1-22-09
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Posts: 5
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My ww tryed to rewrite her a from 2 years plus to couple of weeks ha ! and they were only friends.

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The fog was one of the hardest parts for me...in a time when you aren't sure what side is up, fog only clouds reality even more! Really, everything my H said about OW was fog speak. He sees her in an entirely different light now. I wish I'd had the patience to wait to ask even one question until the fog lifted because although the facts remained the same, the feeling are entirely 100% different.


Me: 32
FWH: 32
DDay & NC: 12/10/07
DD: 4
DS: 1
Rcovering by God's Grace
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My favorite has to be my WH's statement that he'd been trying for 13 years (we'd been married 13 years). So by his logic, he'd known he wasn't in love with me and didn't want to be with me from the start. Poor man, though, because he suffered through three beautiful children, years of laughs and growth and milestones. How he must have suffered.


Me:BS40
WXH:42
DD15; DS13; DD6
D-day:6/30/08 & 10/25/08
WH moved out 9/15/08
D: 1/15/10

"So take that look out of here, it doesn't fit you, because it's happened, doesn't mean you've been discarded." -- Big Country from "In a Big Country."
"Keep calm and carry on." -- Winston Churchill
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Originally Posted By: jewelsos
I'm interested in what people have experienced as far as their WH/WW rewriting history. Mine claims to have never been in love with me and that I have never been attractive to him. What "news" have you heard about your marital history?


My WW told me in Spring of 07 that she would walk on the treadmill with her girlfriends and they would constantly complain about their husbands, but she said she never had anything to say, because she was happy and fulfilled.

6 months later.."I have never been happy, I never should have gotten married so early, I am only about 50% committed to this marriage" and then the kicker on D-Day:

"IT"S ALL YOUR FAULT!"

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My FWH's best fog statement was that he questioned marrying me while he was standing at the altar! Of course, we all have wedding day jitters, but when he was in the fog, those jitters were rewritten into he wasn't in love with me as he watched me walk down the aisle. Though I know better, remembering the reality of our early years of our marriage, and of course he takes it all back now, that one I'll never forget. I do not have a single wedding picture in our home -- and I never will. I cannot look at any of our wedding photos anymore and not think of that comment. These WS have no idea of the pain their selfish actions cause....

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Mine told me inside of six months before the affair,"Please don't ever divorce me!" because two coworkers who were good friends D'ed their wives.

I actually noticed the expanding historical revision in the beginning. Weeks became months became years.

The best part is how she claims ot have been working on our marriage while she hid the affair from me between the time it happened and I had found out...

Last edited by Monc; 05/18/09 03:17 PM.

BH me-26
WW -26
married 3 Yrs together 6 yrs
DDay Jan 2009
Plan A/Planning B
D Coming Jul 8th 2009
Monc #2263312 05/18/09 09:31 PM
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That I'd never made him feel the way she did. We've never had passion or intimacy. And that I've always been selfish and never giving. I told him that I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone like that either. That sounds awful!! Funny how he was in a relationship with my awful self for 5 years before he gave me a fairy tale marriage proposal. And after this proposal was so eager to marry me that he did all the planning. Go figure . . .

The problem I have now is to make sure that I don't bring it up. He has admitted that those statements are completely false and that he understands what his feelings for her really were. Even said that she wasn't even in the same league as me. But it's hard to put those hurtful words out of my thoughts. I keep looking to him for compliments to rebuild my confidence and heal those wounds. I slipped up once and threw it in his face. Hearing him retract those statements didn't help though. I'm trying to figure out what will . . .

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As our youngest daughter finished grammar school, I told my husband that often couples give so much time and energy to their children, that when the children leave home the couple look at each other and say, "who are you?!"

We need to start working on a better relationship now or we may find we don't have much besides the children in common.

Foggy interpretation?

Stated to MC - My wife has ALWAYS told me that the marriage is not good, we have nothing in common, she has wanted out for years.

Last edited by 77club; 05/18/09 10:11 PM.

BS -me 69 WS - him 68
Married 40 years
OW - "daughter" added to family 1/05 for "Fathering healing" - 26 years younger
EA 1/05 - 12/07 PA 8/07 - 12/07
NC 1/08
DDay March 30, 2008
Separation Feb. 17, 2010 two days before our 33 anniversary
DDs 31, 25
WH served me for divorce Sept. 18, 2014
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Posts: 2,617
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Yeah, I tricked him into marrying me(we went out for six years before we married. I tricked him into having my DS(we tried for two years). NO sex on our honeymoon?(yeah ok). We were never compatible. He never loved me(I have beautiful cards from him, But he said he had to buy me cards). Did he have to write those beautiful things in the cards (He didnt write them, I must have put that in them).

Makes me feel like my whole life was a lie.(he also told me our whole marriage was a lie). Maybe to him but not to me. It hurts bad.

Last edited by stillhere8126; 05/19/09 12:25 AM.

BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile
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Originally Posted By: stillhere8126
We were never compatible.


Ah yes, I got this one too. Unbelievable . . .

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where to start? well, pretty much everything everyone else has said, ILYBINILWY, I had doubts right after we were married, I never should have married you, I never wanted you to be the mother of my children, (mind you we tried for 7 years, plus sought out a fertility specialist so he probably should have mentioned that a little sooner, No?).

One of my favorites was I have been unhappy for x years, basically every time he opened his mouth his grievances, "doubts" etc.. kept reaching further and further back into our past so the number would continually grow. One day I said "wow, we have only known each other 8 years but according to you I have made you unhappy for the last 12. I must be good. Is there anything in your childhood you would like to blame me for while your at it?"
I can be a bit sarcastic, family upbringing or east coast attitude I am not sure but either way I can have a sharp tongue.

Needless to say he didn't get it.

Yes we all belong to club I never wanted to join. But at least it seems to be filled with good eggs.

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Wow! I now see why it is an illusion they suffer under! (Does that make sense?) I try not to believe the stuff he says, as my people who LOVE me say, but it is easy to believe WH says looking back into our history. BUT, I think he is having selective memory, erasing the good and also focusing on the negative. He told me he looked into his journal from a year ago and it said that I never approve of him. He didn't take into account that he again on that day had refused to go with me to see my aging parents on Dad's BD, Mother's day celebration. No wonder I was a little disappointed in him!!! Selective interpretation...I NEVER approve of him, yeah, that's it! Couldn't have been his fault.
I think I need to go back and find all the good times and write
them down so I don't forget. Plus examine my reactions to him. I know I was doing triage most of our marriage, and not admiring him like he needs. (Getting used to the idea that Admiration is an emotional need, but I think I get it. Nothing wrong with wanting your S to think you are fantastic, I guess).


BS(me)45 yrs.
WH 48
married 23
son, 17, son, 8
daughter in heaven
dday 1-22-09
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,617
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Originally Posted By: jewelsos
BUT, I think he is having selective memory, erasing the good and also focusing on the negative.


I dont even think its just focusing on the negative. I think its grossly exaggerating the negative. Maybe they start believing the lies that they tell OP to get them to sleep with someone who is married. grumble


BW me-41
WH -39
DS - 9
married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered
DDay aug 2007
found MB dec 2007
Moved out april 2008
still seeing OW
Plan B

Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy. smile

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