Hi everyone, I am new to the forums, but I came aboard because I am in desperate need of some help with my husband and his son. Here is the short version of what is happening. At the present time my husband is currently incarcerated and he has five children from previous relationships. I also have a young child from a previous relationship. But here is the dilemma, one of his sons, the eldest, has begun calling me everyday (which honestly I don't mind because I love him dearly), but, yesterday, he said some things to me during our conversation, that were hurtful. The son is 11 yrs old and I've never dealt with children this age before now, especially on this type level. At first, I thought the conversation was playful, but, when asked if the things he said to me were thought to be cute and/or good things to say to someone and he said yes. So, I told him that I was getting off the phone with him and he said bye and we hung up. I discussed this incident with my husband, and became infuriated with me. He said that I handled the situation wrong and it could cause his son to return to some unfavorable behavior that he had been exhibiting and has since done a 180 degree turnaround. I did not know or expect things to go from bad to worse, but he sent me a message saying that he will talk to his son, but if his son is not okay that we are over. I didn't even know that it was looked at like something that could turn into something bad. I really didn't mean to end the conversation like that and never speak to the child again. I wasn't even mad, I was a little hurt by what he said and wanted him to know that it was not acceptable. I'm not sure if he took it that way though, and my husband definitely didn't. I did not call his son back, but I had planned to call him today. My husband has now banned me from calling him and told me that he will tell him not to call me. I will miss him terribly. He is my chance at having another chld. I love my husband dearly and my daughter loves him even more. I love his son like my own child and can't bear to lose them both. Please help me!! What do I do? What should I have done? What can I do now? Thanks...MzTeachR

Seriously?

You married a man who has had several children, from several women, so he probably doesn't care much for providing women any sort of security or care.

Your H is in jail, for whatever reason, but he's in jail!

His children are having emotional problems, and I can guess why but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and hope for best case, that he is a loving, involved dad and these kids all have stable, loving homes, with loving mothers.

The oldest is playing in inappropriate territory, probably trying to live up to whatever image he thinks his dad wants from him (being in jail), in his quest for his dad's affection and admiration.

Your H threatens you and not only that blames you for HIS son's inappropriate behavior!

Your H treats you like a servant or slave and thinks he has the right (!) to BAN you from speaking to another human being?!

First, do you have a history of relationships with abusive or mean or controlling men? I'm going to guess yes. Because you just got into another one.

Second, time to grow a spine and leave this 'man' and raise your daughter in a healthy environment, so that SHE doesn't learn to pick guys like this for HER husband. Teach her to respect herself more than that, by YOU respecting yourself.

Wow...I really didn't expect to hear that, but I guess I needed that. I keep hearing that he's being controlling from my friends and family, but the control doesn't really bother me. I like doing what he asks, how and when he asks for it to be done. I am a very passive person and he has a very strong personality, which, yes, I have always been attracted to. But to answer some of your questions about his relationship with his children. He is very involved. They talk to him every other weekend, they go visit him, and this particular child talks to him everyday. He does what he can from where he is and he's not a bad guy. All of the children do have a stable homes with the mothers and some even with the mothers and stepdads. None of the children are in or have been in any bad situations except for the child in question, which is why I accepted him so well. I figured that he may have need for some of the love that I have to give. But I just felt like Dad should have taken into consideration how I feel for him and how I show that I feel for his children. Not only do I talk to the child everyday, I try to be there for him, encourage him, sending him money for his daily activities. He's called several times since I began this to request monies from me. I absolutely love the child and wouldn't give him up for anything...same as I feel for the father. I'm just wondering if there was something else that I should have done? If either one of us is wrong? Or even if this is a wrong or right issue? Is there something I can do to smooth things over with my man and his son? Oh and the banning thing...I guess I exaggerrated on that. He didn't ban me, but he told me not to call his son, that I could talk to him if he called me, but if he didn't, then he didn't want me to call him. I know what you're saying about the controlling thing is true, but I honestly don't mind it. I just really don't want to lose my relationship over something like this, that I really think is a misunderstanding, and that I think my H should have corrected his son's behavior before being mad at me.