Glad to have the forums back. I really missed the support I received from this.

To catch up, I exposed the OW to her family. Got some interesting responses.

Her ex-husband called and was quite surprised to learn that my WS was still married at the time the relationship started. He was not impressed. Apparently, she told everyone that my WS was separated and available. Nice.

No response from her sister. But at least she knows the truth since I revealed it all in my email to her.

I got an interesting response from a mutual friend of ours. Told me to "accept" the OW into my life, try and become one big happy family, for the sake of the kids. Ummm.....no.

So, now that I've exposed them, I am deep into Plan B and its working well. Emotionally, I feel stronger knowing that I don't have to deal with the WS anymore. However, my WS is now refusing to deal with my IM! He has given no reason for this, just that he refuses to communicate this way. I told my IM (who is my father) to tell him that I am not ready to communicate directly with him. However, we have not gotten a response, obviously.

Any suggestions as to what I can do? My Dad has been an amazing IM, relaying what I want without interfering, so I don't think its about my choice of IM. Help!

That's HIS problem if he doesn't cooperate, not yours. Let him own it. Someone probably called him a wimp for going along.

Your kids will suffer a drought for awhile, as he tries to assert his authority (I don't have to play your games) and ignores them as well as you, but if you stand firm, he'll learn it's your way or no way. What else is he going to do?

Above all, do NOT back down! The absolute worst thing you can do.

As for your mutual 'friend' - I wish you would ask him/her how that would work in his/her marriage.

4myboys you are doing awesome. Mazel Tov.

I would agree with Catperson, TOUGH. Sometimes we forget that our choices come with consequences and he gets to experience that.

Part of Plan B is that you remove yourself from the drama. As a consequence, whatever NEED you were filling is NO LONGER being fulfilled and he is perhaps mad... throwing a fit.. acting like a child.

Too Bad.. So sad... Stay dark and thank G-d your father is able to support you as an IM through this.

You don't have to do anything. If your H wants to communicate with you, it will have to be through your father. If he won't, then I guess he has a problem, doesn't he??

If he tries to contact you directly, shut him off. For example, if he sends you an email, delete it and then ask your father to call or email him and tell him that all commmunication is to go through HIM and will be deleted without reading if he sends anything directly to you.

Did you change the locks?

Think of your WH as a child who is trying to hold his breath until he gets his way. (I'll show you...I won't talk to your IM and then you will have to talk to me!)


This made me remember a situation that a good friend from college had with her dad when she was getting married. Her dad had left her mom for an OW our sophomore year and then married her.

She asked her dad to come to her wedding without his AP. He told her: "if you really loved me, you'd let me bring OW to your wedding."

Her response was: "if you really loved me, you wouldn't ask me to have the woman who made you break every vow to my mother that I am going to make to my STBH at my wedding. If you can't understand that, my brother will walk me down the aisle."

He came alone.

Hang in there!

Mel, tell me you have your initial IM post saved somewhere. I think it's a good cheat sheet that all IMs should have handy.

4My - You are doing wonderfully!

I have been in B a month.

My WH also didn't like dealing with IM.

He tried to deal directly with me the first couple days.

I told him, sweetly and matter of factly that I loved him but if he didn't respect my wishes on this, I would move quite a distance from him with the kids and if he pushed that boundary, I would move even further.

I said it nicely and said that I needed to do things this way and that was that.

He has used the IM since.

The first couple weeks of B were killer for me but now I like it. I feel free of drama and enthusiastic about whatever life holds for me.

it is gone!

Well shoot fire to save matches!

That is a young woman that I would lay bets has a successful M! Cool story.

Is that Texspeak?

Well...it only took a few days and my WS started communicating with my IM again. Perhpas he was testing the waters, see if I would break and talk to him. But no, I perservered and refused give in.

BTW, the "mutual friend" who suggested I accept the OW into our lives is a former BS herself. Her WS cheated on her with a 17 year old just after her DD was born. Whatsup with that?

She sounds like a fool.

Yes, which is why I choose not to take her advice.

She sounds feeble minded. Or morally ambivalent - whichever. Neither is the basis of a spine.

And Faithy...it's actually poop fire to save matches (inserting vernacular for poop).

My momma and daddy and grandma and grandpa have all been known to say it from time to time.

You did good. Waywards are a lot like children, always pushing on our boundaries and testing limits.