I posted this under the marriage builders forum also so I apologize if its a duplicate post for anyone. I could really use some help and suggestions.

My wife and I have been married for 9 years, with a 5 year old and 2 year old daughter. 15 months ago, my wife moved out citing an emotional affair I had 4 years ago. During our 15 month separation we have remained very cordial, attend church together every Sunday, but my wife will not discuss our relationshiop and will not consider efforts to help us reconcile. Recently she started discussing selling our house and filing for divorce. I made alot of mistakes early on in our separation about pushing for my wife to see the changes in me and return home. I have stopped most of my efforts to convince her to return and just try to treat her respectfully and lovingly each time I see her which usually means not discussing our relationship.

Last Sunday at church a couple gave us each a letter asking us to consider attending a marriage conference together. I was thinking of asking my wife is she was open to considering this option but I know she will refuse. My wife knows how I feel, she knows I want to restore our marriage and I am willing to make any changes needed but she is incredibly cold and distant.

For those of you who may suggest there is somebody else she is involved with, I don't know. You may be right - she denies it but even if there is somebody else, I can't do anything about it.

What can I do to stop this divorce from happening? How can I get thru to my wife to show that she means everything to me and our marriage is worth saving? She has not filed yet but tells me she has been to see attorneys and it is coming. How should I react towards her when me see each other at our daughter's dance practice each week or when we talk on the phone at night so say goodnight to our girls or when we go to church for 2 hours each week? My method has been to treat her with love but not discuss our relationship. Is that the correct approach because it doesn't seem to be slowing down the marriage heading towards divorce?

Huh?

Why would you say that?

There are a dozen things you can do about it.

Are you saying you're not willing to fight to save your marriage?

If that's not what you're saying, then go out today and find a PI and hire him. Step #1.

Thanks for the reply. What can I do about it? I can't stop her. I don't want to divorce her and don't believe in divorce. She already doesn't live at home. I have thought of hiring a PI but what would I do with any info I obtained? She could tell me that she was seeing somebody to my face and I would still want to fight for my family, fight for a mom and dad for our two girls.