So my bestie just got married in June, and instead of being in the "honeymoon" phase she and her H have been having a few problems. One of the problems is that in the past couple months, her H's sexual appitite has decreased and they barely have sex anymore. She said yesterday he rejeced her trying to give him oral. She feels hurt, rejected, and confused. I am just as confused, cuz I've never heard of a man not wanting oral. IDK what to tell her, so I told her I'd ask on the forum... What do ya'll make of this???

She asked him for an explaination and he wont give her one and the last time she tried to talk to him about it he blew up and said she's making a big deal over nothing and hung up on her.

Could he be experiencing some EDF and be to embarrassed to tell her?

I CAN CONFIRM I HAVE NEVER TURNED IT DOWN!! SOMETHINGS "UP"??!! Oops, FREUDIAN SLIP!

Yeah, I think a guy would only turn it down if they A) had an STD or B) just had sex w/ someone else. DUDE

Why does he have to be up to something? maybe he was tired or simply wasnt in the mood. Just because he rejected oral doesnt mean he is cheating.

I have many male friends (none of them are married, thank you) and this subject came up once during a movie.

They said the only reasons they ever rejected something was:

1. They hadn't bathed in the last day or two and didn't want to try this while, um, dirty.
2. They weren't in the mood. Men aren't 24-hours-ready.

But that's unmarried guys. He probably wasn't in the mood. I agree that just because he rejects it doesn't mean he's cheating.

But his blowing up at her, THAT hints he is cheating.

Sorry, I can't think of one good reason to deny such an advance......

If I'm not 24-hours-ready, maybe it's more like 23-hours-45-minutes ready.

And if it the offer presented itself during that super-small window, I sure as heck wouldn't blow a gasket over it. Well, not if I ever wanted to see the offer made again...........

TB

stressful job?
recent weight gain as a result of new brides cooking resulting in poor feelings of body image
high cholesterol

lots of reason men may experience ED or having issues with sex.

AW:

It's the "honeymoon" phase.

Since June.

Either there is someone else out there, or your "Bestie" isn't all that. What do you think?

Seriously, 4 months in, and this? How long were they dating?

If she is having difficulties like this now, this relationship is doomed. Might as well invite her here to learn more about herself, and maybe her issues in he marraige can be addressed.

LG

Thanks everyone...

~IDK about ED. He's only 26. She said he can get hard, but he just seems unintersted in sex. She has to initiate it.

~DUDE, another friend of ours said the exact same thing.

~How could he not be in the mood? She started licking it and he pushed her away.

~He hasn't gained weight,but she has.

~They were dating a year before they got married.

~He has only been acting uninterested the past couple months. Before, they had sex more often.

~Also, he told her he doesn't want oral ever again and she should be glad to not have to do it, not upset. WTF???

IDK guys... The first year me and my H were married, we were all over eachother. We did it every day, sometimes 2 or 3 times a day. I've never had a man reject oral. My friend said she hasn't either, until now. This seems really srange to me. I dont want to think he's cheating, but...

Lots of possibilities other than cheating. It is a sign , especially the blowing up, that there is something wrong between them. I would not jump to the cheating conclusion based on this alone. Work stress, marital dischord,fatigue-just a whole litany of possibilities.

ooops I guess he did gain weight too.

Since we're exploring possibilities, any chance he's gay?

Afraid of babies so early into marriage?

Physical Attractiveness may be his #1 EN. To be blunt, has your BF "let herself go" after M? This could leave a H leaving like he was duped, if not very frustrated.

I would also suggest that your BF make herself a little less "available" to her H for the moment, if you know what I mean. Trying to push for more SF when he's apparently not interested is likely to make matters a lot worse.

I've turned down booty before, NEVER A BJ!! It ain't happenen...DUDE

OGawd Dude, I now know far too much about you than I ever wanted to.

BTW AW: The only time the Wookie wouldn't was when he was doin' the tart.

What was he like before they married? Did they marry virgins (I did - amazingly some still do), because she wouldn't have had any idea about how it would be if that's the case. Unfortunately, there are some straight men out there who don't care that much about SF. I know it's hard to fathom, but it is true. And yes, pushing them about it makes it worse. There are a lot of variables. If she called him once and mentioned it and he blew up, bug red flag. If she had been trying to "talk about it" from the moment it happened until he blew up, a little different.

I can completely understand why it would be easy to jump straight from "no thanks" and a temper tantrum to an affair, but it may not be the case.

If she has gained weight and it's a problem, he needs to tell her. If they have both gained weight, he needs to shut up until he loses some

Hey, we're still friends though, right? I just have to be honest on here. DUDE

Is he loving and caring in other ways?
Is he also military? Recently deployed?
Lots of un-accounted-for time?
Secretive?
We all know the signs of an A, and we also know the signs of when someone is secretly gay.
Is he taking anti-depressants that cause a drop in libido?
Is he physically abusive at all? You said he "blew up." What does that mean, exactly?

EXACTLY my first thought.