Just 6 days ago I learned that my husband started an affair with my best friend and his best friend's wife. (our children are also best friends). Since getting caught, he has said some things that I just can not believe. He claims he has found the one true love he has always been searching for and that we have nothing in common. We have been married 22 years and in my mind, we have everything in common. Yes, we have been going through a difficult cycle; I am very much at fault for my actions in the home. (i.e. not showing enough affection and love, etc...) I know that the "girlfriend" has an emotional tie to my husband but is not in love. I want to save my marriage and make it better!!! I can't imagine my life without him - even during our most difficult times I never thought we would end our marriage. He agreed today to counseling; mainly because his girlfriend has called it off. I want him to go to counseling with the ability to keep an open mind about fixing and improving our marriage and not just that one last thing he can do because he owes it to me. Our children are devasted, as you can imagine. Our families were so close. We own a dairyfarm together, show cows together, support our industry together, have many friends together and have spent a majority of our time together. Plus, we have both been great parents to three beautiful daughters. I read that once an affair ends he will go through a withdrawal; I hope that is happening and he will agree to put additional effort into counseling. It is very hard working together when we are both suffering and it has put a great deal of pain and stress on our friends as well. Most hate him, along with his daughters right now. I understand he is dealing with that as well. How can I go about this the right way? I absolutely do not want to lose my best friend (meaning my husband)?

Welcome to MB. I'm sorry that you find yourself here.

The right way of going about this is to listen to the vets who give you advice. Your marriage can recover and grow, but you have to listen and be willing.

I am hoping that Melody will be along very soon to get you started. Please take comfort in knowing that we have all been here in one form another and that you are in a very safe place.

What your WH is saying is hogwash and don't listen to him. If you can get Surviving an Affair, read it and read all the articles on here. Gather the information and become very knowledgeable in what is happening.

Next.... just breathe... this didn't happen over night. Nothing can happen over night to make or break this. Having a definetly plan and strategy will truly help you along the journey.

Hooeee - let the Wayward-Speak begin. Farmer's Wife, you've just begun to reclaim your M. The ride will be bumpy, so hang on tight. Vets will be here shortly to help you. Some short comments:
1. He has NOT found his one true love. He has found an addiction that threatens his M.
2. Do NOT blame yourself for any perceived 'problems' in your M.
3. Don't believe anything that comes out of your WH's mouth right now - consider him a falling-down, mumbling drunk. Do not believe that the A is over. Do not believe the AP doesn't 'love' him. She's an addict, too.
4. You need to expose the A to anyone who can help you put pressure on your WH and his AP. Is she married? Call her H with the facts. Do both of your families know? Tell them.

There are other weapons you'll want in your arsenal, as well. You'll be learning about them shortly. I'm sorry you're here, but you've come to the right place.

Yes, her family does know and they are devastated as well. During the past, I knew she wanted a divorce from her husband; I am not sure if she used this as her way out. She has called and admitted her mistake (not that it means a whole lot) and stated that all though she had feelings for my husband she was not in love with him. She is the one who asked me if I still loved him and would I try and work it out. I was truthful and said "yes." She said to me she would call it off immediately (I know, careful not to trust her) and encourage him to go to counseling and work on our marriage. As of today, she kept her word because my husband was very angry/sad when he told me that the one person he could talk to had called everything off. Like I mentioned before, I just want him to reflect and go to counseling for the right reasons and with the effort that is needed and not just with an angry heart to appease me.

You need there to be no contact between your WH and OW. If there continues to be contact, then the affair will not die, and your marriage will not get better. If you own businesses together and such, you need to cut ties. If you are in a rural area and you cross paths w/ the OW, you will need to move. Otherwise, she will always be in the picture and your marriage will not survive.