Tell her from me that I hope she does really well in that job she gets at Taco Bell.

Ooops.

Was that a DJ?

You need to call OMW and tell her about the continued contact. If they are in MC together, the WTH is he doing calling you and your ww? You and OMW need to compare notes.

Oh, and run up the numbers on how much CS you expect FROM HER!

I know that Cali is granola and all, but a no job cheater has to weigh in SOMEWHERE in deciding who gets custody. Tell he you WILL FIGHT for the children.

Oh, and weren't they ORDERED by the Bishop not to talk to one another? I think a phone call is in order.

All you need to do is pull it out, show it to her, then put it back into your pocket. If you go on the offensive with it, it will look bad. If she files a false DV charge against you and the tape exonerates you, it will most likely be admissable.

In my sitch, my ex filed a false DV charge KNOWING she was being taped. She started to go batty, I showed her the recorder hoping she would calm herself, then she asked if I was still recording and WENT OFF on me.

It got me attorney fees for a false DV charge. Then, in custody, she tried to get it dismissed as evidence. But, in the DV hearing, she had subpoena'd the tape and had it admitted into evidence. Her arguement was bunk at that point.

Interesting that your wife is uneducated and hasn't had an outside job for most of her entire adult life. Sounds like there are some REALLY BIG unmet emotional needs going on there. What is the POS-OM doing to meet them? THAT'S what's creating the feelings of *luvvvvv* they have.
If she's a SAHM, with no way of getting gainful employment, it's a toss up in court. A sympathetic judge will give her the kids and make you pay support to her and the POS-OM.
Lawyer up, NOW. You don't have to file anything, but this sounds dangerous.

Definitely lots of unmet ENs, but more because of neglect and emotional abuse on my side. She is a SAHM and from the beginning, that's what we both wanted. She's never shown any interest in more schooling, though time to time I've told her I would support her if she wanted it. She loves the kids and wants to be home for them.

I haven't really posted much about my failures, but the list is long and believe me I've spent many, many hours beating myself up for everything I did wrong. And of course I hear it from WW on a daily basis ("you ALWAYS did...").

Sorry you're having a rotten day indarkness. I'm starting to realize how lucky I am that my OM lives 3000 miles away. I'm not sure R my M would have been nearly as easy if my H and I had to deal with running into the OM all the time. Maybe things will start to get better for both of you once OM moves.

By the way, I'm in So-Cal too. I used to live in OC before we moved to the IE.

And try not to beat yourself up too much. Everyone has faults. We're all human. Your WW will probably keep throwing your faults in your face as a way to ease her own guilt. Somehow, it makes her A seem justifiable if you did something that caused her to find someone else. More typical wayward behavior. I know I did it. My H even blamed himself for my A because he had an on-again, off-again EA with an ex-girlfriend for the first 10 years of our M. I can't say that didn't contribute to my feelings of not being loved, but it doesn't excuse my A. I am still responsible for my own actions, just as your WW is responsible for hers.

OK, so there are some paradoxes here. If your wife:
1. Made a conscious decision to drop out of high school and build a family;
2. Chose to have an A (due to a difficult M or whatever)
She now is in a situation where:
1. Her family unit is destroyed.
2. Her current children will have to come to grips with a half-sibling that was conceived through an affair.
So we all know she's completely lost her mind, but her decisions are antithetical to anything she's built her life upon.
I guess she must be hoping that you will disappear from the children's lives and let her and the POS-OM go off into the sunset to build a new life?
She's gotta be doing some serious tap dancing in her head.
Reason I bring all this up is that often waywards really weren't that "into" the idea of a monogomous family life to being with. Their actions and independent behaviors from the start have shown that. But your wife put all her eggs (literally) into the "family first" basket. Her education-not necessary. Her family and church-essential. But now, family and church are gone? Very precarious situation, if you ask me.

You need to get some legal advice, not file for D or LS but get some advice! In our lovely state, your WW will get the kids and a huge chunk of support. The courts will not give a rats patootie that she is cheating or even that OM is living with her. All they will see is a SAHM needs $$$ from you. You need to find out immediately what steps you can take to get around that. My guess would be to get HER out of the house without the kids for a period of time so you can claim abandonment.

BTW, here in CA you have two years from the birth of the OC to contest paternity. Do NOT sign the BC or declaration of paternity.

I'm not sure this is the best advice. IF his WW ends the A and commits to NC with the OM and decides she really does want to save her M, then indarkness would be in a better position as far as the OC is concerned if he did have his name on the BC. That way, the OM would have no legal ground to stand on as far as the OC was concerned and would not be able to interfere in their lives or the life of the OC. I realize this is a lot of IF's, but the baby isn't due for a long time, so there is still hope that the fog will clear before she gives birth. If the OM really does move away, that could help a lot.

It would be best for everyone if his WW ended the A and raised the OC with her H as a family, especially since they have so many young children. Their youngest is only 20 months old, after all.

I have a question, when does it become time to protect COM and ID FROM the ww?

Cos I'm of the opinion that the longer ID waits, the harder it will become...and let me tell you all from experience, it wasn't till I actually put my own boundries/protection in place that the fwh decided to end it with VD.

Never underestimate the value of a well thought out plan. Even if you don't have to use it.

Help me out here - COM and ID? I don't think I've seen these abbreviations here before...

ID is you - InDarkness

COM = Children of Marriage

I'm not saying ID shouldn't protect himself and his COM. I'm just saying, this is still very early in the game. His WW is what, 6 wks. pregnant? I'm not sure how long the A has been going on, but I think she got pregnant very soon after the A began, so not that long. This is a very foggy time for his WW, and it's complicated by her pregnancy hormones. I had already decided to end my A when I found out I was pregnant, and the hormonal thing still caused problems for me.

I think he still has some time to wait and see if the A dies a natural death, and it seems likely that it will. The reality is that his WW has no job, no money, and no education. If the OM gets a D, most of his income will go to CS for his COM's. Yes, the WW may get support from ID, but she won't get his entire paycheck the way she does now. Also, her relationship with OM will never be accepted by the church, or her family, friends, or even her own children. She will forever be isolated from the very things that are most important to her. I think all of this is going to occur to his WW at some point in time and it is going to be a big reality check.

ID is you, COM, I'm thinking children of the marriage?

Yes, I feel that we are still very early into this whole thing.

The A started 8/25, Dday was 9/10. So we *really* are not that far along. The frequency of in-person contacts between WW and OM have decreased substantially over just the past 7 weeks. Exposure has done a lot to make contact harder. And now OMW is moving out of state, OM won't see his kids and OM is trying to initiate a period of NC.

WW's head is still *way* in the clouds. Just talked to WW sister who says WW is asking for number for lawyer sister knows. WW has threatened D many times before but I think OM is putting pressure on to get her out or maybe kick me out, who knows.

>to get her out or maybe kick me out, who knows.


All the more reason to protect yourself and your children.

Write, you know that I fully support BH raising OC as his own and keeping OM out of the M. My advice is based on the current situation of OM and WW still in contact and the assumption she wants to move out to pursue her luuuurve with OM. Of course if the situation changes and OM is out of the pic, NC is in place then ID should sign the BC. Right now it does not look good, we ALL know that can change. Right now, ID needs to protect himself, his assets and most of all his COM.

ID,

If the baby comes to term, did you consider adopting out to an uninvolved couple? If you are LDS I think they can help out.

I was adopted out of my original family. In the end I was with two parents who wanted me without reservations.

NJ

newjersey:

WW says adoption is a no-go. I don't think she could or would do it.