Ummm...that's not a great sign - on either of their parts.

Would this line of thinking apply to a woman who turned down some form of sex, as well. Women are thought by many to have higher sex drives then men. so, if she turns him down, is it likely she is gay or having an affair?

Actually, Zelmo, ask most guys when they're in a bar and they hit on a woman and are rebuffed, about half of them whisper the word D ike as they walk away. So, whether they believe it or not, some like to use sexual orientation as a way to explain behaviors.
In this case, however, we have a man that was previously sexually active, then lost his job, then decided to sit on his butt on the dole, then finally took a job he may or may not like, who spends a lot of time with "guests" not his wife. This wouldn't be a big deal, but now he's hostile about things, and pushes away even the simplest sex acts (oral). He can still sit on the couch for that, but no? Somethin's up.

Women may be thought by many to have higher sex drives than men. It is my personal experience that the sex drive is age related, with men wanting it more in their 20s and 30s, and women wanting it more in their 40s and 50s. And I'd say overall men want sex more than women but I don't have any statistics to back that up.

That said, I don't think it's the sex drive that made me jump to the idea that he might be gay. It's the fact that they got married and almost immediately sex dried up - even oral, which is usually an easy O for the guy with no effort required of him. So it's not like he's thinking "Oh, geeze, she takes for-EVER, I don't have the energy for this...". Also the fact that he gets *angry* is weird. It's like he's being asked to do something that he really does NOT want to do. That's where my gaydar popped up, really. Over the total lack of desire coupled with anger at her approaches, and it all happening right after they married.

I do know a couple of gay men who married, and fathered children. They did it to fit in, or gain approval from authority figures in their lives (usually parents). They were both miserable and I know one is long divorced. Haven't heard from the other in years.

Wonder if the unemployment has him depressed, and feeling down about himself, and unworthy... and lashing out at his wife? Is that a possibility?

I won't get graphic here, but when my own H was unemployed forawhil, he got very depressed (which sometimes made him more angry-seeming), and SF was not on his priority list, looking back it was most likely because the depression and stress made things difficult. And though he is 100% man, he does not think about SF 24/7. I probably think about it more than him; no, I know I do. But he is not gay. And he is not cheating. He just isn't "typical" (whatever that is).

That doesn't mean don't be aware and don't be vigilant, but it isn't always gay or an affair. Sometimes it's just life or stress or I just don't need it that much.

I would agree with you luri, but armywife said the guy was telling his new bride he doesn't EVER want her to do oral again. THAT is an odd thing to say for any red-blooded, faithful guy.

I am unclear whether it is the sex-drive itself or just regarding oral? If it happens during straight sex too, then it might be physical or mental. However, if it only happens during oral, then I think we can assume it is mental.

I have to admit that I have received bad oral before, so maybe she's just not very good. Not likely, but possibly. I am sure Dude would be willing to test that out for her.

Also:

That cracked me up. I am pretty sure that the chances of getting pregnant with oral is close to zero!

TOO FREAKIN FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!

Not2fun

All women can be "trained" if given the proper "tool"...DUDE

Okay.

That's it.

I'm scrubbing my mental eye out with a brillo pad now.

Seriously, if she ain't doing it right, simply correct her?! I really don't get it. I have given pointers during SF before. I thought that would be normal??!! DUDE

I think it would be great if people did do that. Instead of allowing someone to continue doing something that they didn't like. I got the I sometimes think about how my ex gf used to do it while you are doing it. Definitely not helpful and I don't want to do it ever again. If done in a loving way I think that is an awesome idea.

OMG!!! You all are great!

I have to go to work, so I'll get back to this later. Great suggestions. Next time I talk to her, I'll tell her what ya'll have said, or maybe even show her this thread. I'll also mention the LB questionnares.

Thanks everyone! Be back later...

I just read this whole thread and the first thing that occured to me is that perhaps he has some previously undisclosed STD like Herpes and he was/is in active infection phase and didn't want her to know?

This happened to a friend of mine.

This was my first hunch...DUDE

I just thought of something else that might be to blame - porn addiction or something similar. Time to put a keylogger on that PC...

Ding Ding Ding I think we have a winner. An affair is not the first thing that jumped into my mind. I think it far more likely that it has to do with porn.

Look he was not working. For a guy that is a very bad thing. Think about it but a man is what he does for a living. When you meet people the first thing they ask you is "What do you do for a living"? It is who we are and when we are out of work it can be very depressing. Now add on the fact that he has so much more time on his hands he starts doing the porn thing.

Now if he is looking at porn then we are probably well for lack of a better term he probably has a grip on things and he is "Shaking hands with the unemployed" if you know what I mean. Now if he has been doing that a lot well the oral sex thing will probably not work very well since he has already taken care of that.

Now Porn may or may not be a problem in a marriage but if a wife is offering to have oral sex with a guy and he is doing porn instead then we have a huge porn problem. This is far more likely than him being gay. It also explains a lot.

When you have a man who has had no job for a while and he has too much time on his hands and a computer then it can make for a lot of solo sex. I have never turned down oral sex in any relationship I have been in. Men will almost never turn it down no matter how bad things are with the wife. I would bet money on porn and masturbation from said porn.

My guess is he has just been loving himself too much and so the oral sex could not have been done.

If you read the original post you'll see that the issue is that the H is refusing SF for acouple months and even refused oral.

It's not uncommon for a recently M couple to struggle with "baby" issues.
Like a W pushing and and wishing babies and the H to say yes but not so eager to have a baby and not make it clear to W.

The fact both want babies does not mean they are coordinate time wise.

Besides, we are just exploring possibilities.

That sounds great, but if someone has some type of sexual aversion, suggestions may not be tolerated. My W had a 20-year aversion to sex. If I were even to suggest something minor, such as "can you bend your knees a little," it would have been caused a huge fight. So suggestions on oral technique would have been a nuclear explosion.

So if the friend has some type of psychological aversion to oral, it might be deep-seeded. I couldn't speculate as to what could cause an aversion to receiving oral, but it could be something major like a childhood rape or something so innocuous as a previous partner criticizing the way he looks.