|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 981
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 981 |
except maybe OM and myself for the RA. WOW, its all coming together. fwxw has COMPLETELY defogged. No blameshifting. Utter remorsefulness and back to her old self, after all my friends and family said I couldn't bring her back!! I can't even be pissed or hurt anymore as the WS that had the A doesn't exist anymore? She has vanished, gone forever!!! I have a preWW now, not even a fWW. Its really weird as there is still some hurt, but the abuser has been extinguished.
Anyone else get that feeling?
DUDE
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 1,116
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 1,116 |
If anything, Dude, you've given us hope.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 188
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 188 |
I wish I would have a PreWH - good for you 
BS:35(me)
WH:32
DS 12/8
OW1: 2004 EA/PA?
ILYBNILWY 4/09
OW2 2008/2009 EA/PA?
Separated: 06/14/09
D-Day: OW3 PA 06/20/09
Am I married to a Serial Cheater?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 4,698
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 4,698 |
I have a pre wayward, but a better model 
Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 200
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 200 |
Hi Dude,
Can you put your time line in your signature? Like bestrongforyou has.
I would like a preWH too. Congratulations!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 3,834
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 3,834 |
Dude: You can always have the newbies here to poke....  LG
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 981
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 981 |
Dude: You can always have the newbies here to poke.... LG No sheet! Yeah, even as fogged out as I was when I got here. WOW!! I read some of my old posts and was like, HUH??!! THAT WAS ME THEN?!! I think I always had wayward tendencies. My fwxw probably saved my soul by going first! She definitely saved my reputation/respect of my friends/family.(except at MB(and myself) due to the RA) DUDE
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,416
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,416 |
I think your thing is, you're just not wired to be bitter. Bitter people will always find something or someone (even total strangers) to be pissed at. I think it's great.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 981
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 981 |
I think your thing is, you're just not wired to be bitter. Bitter people will always find something or someone (even total strangers) to be pissed at. I think it's great. Yeah, you'd be surprised what you can let go of when you are flying around in new sports cars w/ younger attractive women??! Its hard to stay pissed while you have a MLC w/ little to no guilt/remorse. Some of the other guys I know who have had a WW sit and sulk for two years. Thats just not me. I'm a free spirit, party dude...DUDE
Last edited by Dude007; 10/28/09 09:55 AM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,390
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,390 |
Refresh my memory. Did you two divorce and then remarry?
BS - me 56
XWH - 57
12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.
6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.
9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me
Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 981
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 981 |
Refresh my memory. Did you two divorce and then remarry? Divorced, but not remarried. I kinda reluctant to take the vows again since they were broken, not that I'm concerned about another A, but it just doesn't seem right yet. DUDE
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,390
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,390 |
Dude,
I don't remember all of your story, but was it a nasty divorce? I've had a rough time in court this week, and I'm just wondering how two people get back together after a nasty battle. Just would like your comments on it....
BS - me 56
XWH - 57
12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.
6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.
9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me
Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,965
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 2,965 |
I don't want to be a preWW. I want to be a FWW.
Because pre-A, I had *crap* boundaries.
I'm SO much more savvy now, and careful.
I know how to protect my marriage, and I'm kind of rabid about it.
Before, I was a disaster waiting to happen. I just didn't know it.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 981
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 981 |
Dude,
I don't remember all of your story, but was it a nasty divorce? I've had a rough time in court this week, and I'm just wondering how two people get back together after a nasty battle. Just would like your comments on it.... Fairly ugly, remember I had an RA in my marital bed. We are back together. It can be done...DUDE
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 6,058
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 6,058 |
And nobody ever believes us when we say that 95% of all affairs end within two years, the wayward spouse eventually defogs and life can be better than it was before the affair.
I have no idea why nobody can accept that, but they never do...
Mark
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 200
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 200 |
Mark, I love your wisdom.
I wish my sister didn't feel I was putting my life on hold while I wait to see if WS will defog.
I don't see reconnecting with my family, making new friends and discovering the spiritual side of me as putting my life on hold.
I would be happier if I was in a loving relationship but right now I am learning how to be happy with myself.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,617
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,617 |
And nobody ever believes us when we say that 95% of all affairs end within two years, the wayward spouse eventually defogs and life can be better than it was before the affair.
I have no idea why nobody can accept that, but they never do...
Mark I am a glass half empty kinda gal now since Dday...so I guess some of us will just always believe that our WS's are in the 5% of affairs that do last... well thats just me anyway...
BW me-41 WH -39 DS - 9 married 12 Yrs together(?) 18 yrs when A discovered DDay aug 2007 found MB dec 2007 Moved out april 2008 still seeing OW Plan B Okay I fixed the ages, it was looking screwy.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 300
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 300 |
Because pre-A, I had *crap* boundaries. At least you had crap boundaries. I had NO boundaries. I was hit on today in a golf tourney. Some woman made several comments about my appearance and asked if I was married. I ended the conversation quickly. Anyhow, I don't really want to tell my W because I don't want her to think I'm trying to get her jealous or make myself seem desirable or anything. But enforcing my own boundaries was a great feeling. And it is easy.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 2,531
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 2,531 |
Dude,
I don't remember all of your story, but was it a nasty divorce? I've had a rough time in court this week, and I'm just wondering how two people get back together after a nasty battle. Just would like your comments on it.... From reading your thread Chai, your situation is more similar to mine. The true ugliness came after separation and it was long and drawn out - still going on really even 2 1/2 years later. I'm convinced WXH maintains the drama to feed his affair. The events in Dude's sitch happened rather quickly and though he took a nosedive off the deepend with his RA, he didn't get too far before he was back on solid ground.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 1,549
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 1,549 |
Dude, the only thing that worries me here is your kids. They are not grown ups, like you and W. These games you two play have consequences for them. Would you like to see them relive this pattern when they grow up?
That's why you might want to decide whether you're "all in" or not. Anything else is false hope for the kids.
Me:BW, FWH 1DD 1DS
Status: Chronicled in Dr. Suess's "The Zax"
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
725
guests, and
68
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,624
Posts2,323,518
Members72,026
| |
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
|
|
|
|
