How could he be if I check his phone and call records...I also check his email. She lives 11 hours from us. Do you really think it's still going on?

Sure. At least on an emotional level.
Here's how he could physically do it:
Having an extra cell phone. Emailing her from work or wherever you can't see.Calling her from work.

Does he ever go out of town, to 'conferences', or does he ever have to do a day trip anywhere? Eleven hours is easy on a plane. He could be at home with you in the morning, fly to her by noon, spend the day and then be back at home with you in the evening. Heck, there have been people who've had two separate families and maintained them that way for years!

Have you confirmed independently that she is really 11 hours away?

Yes she is 11 hours away. I am sure that she at least lives 11 hours away. He hasn't taken any business trips and I felt like he came clean...

Hey, ls - why don't you confine your posts to your other thread? That will make it easier for us to follow you.

...they are friends and I don't want to interfere with their friendship...

"Exposure is very likely to end the affair, lifting the fog that has overcome the unfaithful spouse, helping him or her become truly repentant and willing to put energy and effort into a full marital recovery. In my experience with thousands of couples who struggle with the fallout of infidelity, exposure has been the single most important first step toward recovery. It not only helps end the affair, but it also provides support to the betrayed spouse, giving him or her stamina to hold out for ultimate recovery."

"The reason for the wide exposure is not to hurt the unfaithful spouse, but rather to end the fantasy. Your husband's secret second life made his affair possible, and the more you can to to make it public, the easier it is for him to see the damage he's doing. Keeping it secret does damage, but few know about it. Making it public helps everyone, including the unfaithful spouse and lover, see the affair for what it really is."

We will meet in same social circles because of our work. And no they don't work together but their buildings are across from each other. They both work down town and I work in the galleria. But we have several friends that know and watch.

JohnW:

My experience helping thousands of couples survive an affair has led me to the conclusion that exposure is one of the most effective tools in ending this tragedy once and for all. An affair is not only a very painful experience for the betrayed spouse, but it's terribly misconceived. It fails 95% of the time. When the light of day shines on it, it's more likely to be seen for what it is -- the biggest mistake a person could ever make.

At first, exposure usually seems cruel from the unfaithful spouse's perspective. It looks like vengeance. But after an unfaithful spouse clearly sees the damage the affair has done, and has come out of the "fog," that spouse is usually thankful that someone had the sense to expose it.

There's another reason that an affair should be exposed. You might ask yourself the question: If you had not known about your wife's affair, would you have wanted the wife of her affair partner to tell you about it, even after the affair was over? If you would have wanted to know, you should tell her.

Best wishes,
Willard F. Harley, Jr.

I do feel like she got away scot free...

We have been going MC but I am up and down.

"The plan I recommend for recovery after an affair is very specific. That's because I've found that even small deviations from that plan are usually disastrous. But when it's followed, it always works. The plan has two parts that must be implemented sequentially. The first part of the plan is for the unfaithful spouse to completely separate from the lover and eliminate the conditions that made the affair possible. The second part is for the couple to create a romantic relationship, using my Basic Concepts as a guide.

I'll describe these two parts to you in a little more detail.

The first step, complete separation from the lover and eliminating the conditions that made the affair possible, requires a complete understanding of the affair. All information regarding the affair must be revealed to the betrayed spouse, including the name of the lover, the conditions that made the affair possible (travel, internet, etc.), the details of what took place during the affair, all correspondence, and anything else that would shed light on the tragedy.

This information is important for two reasons: (1) it creates accountability and transparency, making it essentially impossible for the unfaithful spouse to continue the affair or begin a new one unnoticed, and (2) it creates trust for the betrayed spouse, providing evidence that the affair is over and a new one is unlikely to take its place. The nightmares you experience are likely to continue until you have the facts that
will lead to your assurance that your husband can be trusted.

An analysis of the wayward spouse's childhood or emotional state of mind in an effort to discover why he or she would have an affair is distracting and unnecessary. It takes precious time away from finding the real solutions. I know why people have affairs: We are all wired for it. Given certain conditions, we would all do it. Given other conditions, however, none of us would do it. So the goal of the first step is to discover the conditions that made the affair possible and eliminate them.

After the first step is completed, the second step is to create a romantic relationship between you and your husband using my 10 Basic Concepts here
as your guide. While your relationship may be improving, it won't lead to a romantic relationship because you are not being transparent toward each other. Unspoken issues in a marital relationship lead to a superficiality that ruins romance."