After going dark for a couple of months I thought it wise to check back in. Sadly all my posts were lost and I wish I could read through them to reflect and feel the warmth and guidance you folks have given me.
When I filed for D not a day later WW came to me and said her and the OP broke it off. I told her too bad, but I managed to verify NC and she is (somewhat) remorseful. Long and short of it the D is on hold after a couple of months. I think he was just a philander as he is back with his fiance and it looks like when the heat/responsibility got turned up he ran for the hills. She clearly got dumped (or feared D so much that she helped to break it off). She still makes the occasional facebook query on his name, but he has de-friended her and I've tracked her and still NC.
We have shifted to this weird balance, where I think she is still withdrawing from A and we still really aren't acting like husband and wife. We do a good job with the kids and spend time together in the house, but she treats me like a roommate not a husband. I've been plan A with her as much as our situation allows, but it is been draining. Given the choice I'd probably push the D along because to some degree her idea of reconcilliation is trying to fix me. She is still seeing the domestic abuse counselors twice a week for that terrible "emotional abuse" I have given her over the last 10 or 20 years.
I've been doing the co-dependancy 12-step route and as much as I have learned about all the things I've messed up in the relationship, she is a poster child for co-dependency. She continues to lean on my abuse, her kids don't care about her anymore, her family is a mess, her brothers sexual abuse as a child... all to escape taking resposibility for her own life and moving forward. If everyone in her life would just act the way she wanted things would be just fine...Really sad.
In our current situation I would really be leaning to startup D again, it just seems so futile. Problem is she has health problems now (and ovarian cyst and a lump in her breast) and I feel like I can't move forward.
I want to thank you all again for guiding me this summer, I could have never made it without you.
Brokenhead
