Sadly, I recently found out I have a friend in a similar situation. She found constant phone calls from her husbands cell to one number that turned out to be a woman. He says they are just friends but she recently found another cell phone in the house. Her WH is a real jerk. They have been talking divorce off and on for awhile. Everytime she says she is done, he steps up and plays nicey-nice. For over a year he has been hiding money, but she is not sure where. They have a chronically ill daughter, who he has repeatedly refused to help with. He has even told daughter that her mother has made her a hypochondriac.

He has told her repeatedly that she will have to be the one to move as he has no intention of ever leaving the house. What should she do?

claygal, she should file for divorce. Her attorney will guide her in how to do this.

I am having a hard time convincing her that she needs to call OWH. (Sound like somone else you know???) she says she wants to get more info. I say she has enough, What do you think?

I think you should concentrate on what your going through because your judgement might be clouded and you might take out the anger you have for your WS on her WS. The best thing you can do is refer her to this site and tell her of the positive experience you have had on here then its up to her if she wants to carry on living in the bubble she is in or decide to get out of it. For example if you tell her to leave WS and she does but then regrets it she will either cut you off cause she wont be able to get back with WS knowing fully what you think of him or she will take her anger out on you cause you "pushed" her into dealing with something she wasnt ready to deal with. Being there for your friends is admirable but isnt easy and can go wrong.

I have already referred her here. She is being cautious, but she has known about these communcations for over a month. I will not push her, just be there to help her any way I can.

Focus on your own marriage but offer her guidance and support by referring her to the book Surviving An Affair.

Her marriage might be salvagable even though she was considering divorce. She can read the book and decide what to do.

I dont mean to sound sexsist but I beleive women especially are gifted with having great instincts, if her gut feeling is telling her he is doing something he shouldnt be doing then she needs to listen to that. I had been married 10 years to a guy who doesent even know how to talk to women never mind have affairs and yet when i got that gut feeling i followed it and discovered the affair. She clarly is still at the stage of making excuses, when my friends were in similar positions i used to tell them you only get one life and so you want to live it in this misery with no way out or do something scary but then once its done its done and life can stand a chance of gettinge better even if it takes time and that statement is valid weather you carry on the relationship with you partner or not.
By the way if she wants a divorce and wants him out the house so badly why is she scared of contacting OWH what has she got to loose?

I agree. I only said she has considered divorce. I don't think she is at a point to make a decision. I don't thing she knows what she wants to do. I am sure she will have a clearer head in a few days. I will support her either way. I know that this has to be her decision. She still seems to be hoping that her gut feeling is wrong. I am only trying to get her to understand that her husband is in an EA at the very least. He went out of his way to buy a new cell phone. And take greet steps to hide it from her. That should be proof enough. I am not telling her what to do about her marriage, only to face what is going on, and then decide what she wants to do.

whats the WS got to say for himself?? Why has he got other phone? has she even begun to ask him about anything

She hasn't confronted him on other phone yet. She registered it and is going to watch calls for a few days.

All i can say is OUCH cause shes gonna get hurt thats for sure weather she gets hurt today or in a few days time when she is conronted with the sort of evidence she needs its gonna happen. I feel like I just want to rip the plaster off and let it sting but then atleast the injury can start healing. Im frustrated and she isnt even my friend so i cant immagine how your feeling