Try to make a long story somewhat short. 5 months ago found WW having A with old high school friend. Ex-cop OM points her at domestic abuse (emotional) to build case if she decides to divorce. A continues till in Aug. I tell WW family and friends. By Sept. I've had it start filing for D and OM runs for the hills (and as likely WW is not ready for divorce). Been verifying NC ever since and she got dumped so he is out of picture.

All along she has been seeing abuse counselors and her midlife crisis starts to deepen as she deals with sexual abuse by brother and others in her past. Of course I am to blame for everything now. Although slightly remorseful, she still compares by 20 (yeah right) years of emotional abuse to her minor (yeah right lying to my face daily over a 6 month period) infraction of having an A.

We basically are living apart in the same house but not constantly fighting or anything. 13 and 14 yr old boys handling this well. Problem is she hasn't made an ounce of effort to return to the marriage, either she is spending all her time playing victim in her midlife crisis (which I hear about hourly), or she is slowly building enough strength and backbone to work her way out of the marriage. She treats me like a roomate/servant, happy to have me bring home the money, be there for her when she doesn't feel well (apparently I have been giving her migraines and anxiety last 20 years), and raising the kids while she figures this all out.

I am exhausted and a few weeks ago I decided to again start pushing for D, she clearly just has cut me mentally out of her life (she says I am just working on myself and being there for my kids).

Then last week, my wife's exam yields a lump in her breast and she has to get a biopsy and as well they want her to get an ovarian cyst removed she's had for a year and has put off the surgery, Now I want to support her anyway I can, but I really just want to be out of this....

I know there is very little I can do right now, but can someone give me some kind words, I am just so depressed?

Your wife is still in a dream. She doesn't know what life is like without you always being there for her. Move forward with your life and i'll bet she changes her tune, if it looks like the marriage is really ending. Then she is just a miserable older single lady with no one to listen to her problems. focus on your boys. She needs a major humbling. Good luck.

Brokenhead,
Sorry you are here. Do you want to try to save your M or do you know for sure you want out? If you want to try and save your M you can look at Plan A&B (link below). You can also read the articles here on how to survive A and restore a M. It really all depends on how much you think you can handle or want to handle. It took two years to restore my M from my H so called MLC.

Plan A & Plan B

Plan A: Carrot & Stick

Does she work?

What actual events does she cite as your emotional abuse?