I am new to the forum and have been reading up on all the MB stuff on the website. Here is my story and I need some insight desperately. I have been married two years and have an almost two year old and am 5 months pregnant with our second child. I am the bread winner in the marriage. My husband does not work or do much at all for that matter. I have a little resentment, but it is manageable. Anway, about 6 months ago my husband began going out all the time until 3, 4, 5 o'clock in the morning every night. Sometimes he didn't even come home at all. It made me angry, but I did not think he was cheating because he always assured me he would never do that. Well about a month and a half ago I girl called me in the middle of the night to tell me she had been having a 4 month affair with my husband. Not only that, but they had unprotected sex often and he was telling her he loved her. She claims she thought we were seperated and found out that wasn't true and she was not the only one either. So I started doing some investigative work. I found about 4 girls he had been sleeping with over the past year, that I can prove anyway. All of them were unprotected sex and he told them all he was either divorced or separated. I met some of them and they are mostly very unattractive and quite large which I don't understand and makes me feel worse. When I confronted him he admitted to two of them, but claimed that was it. I know that is not true, but I can't make him admit it. He says he did it because we never had sex. I said well why did you say you loved them, he denied it, but I saw the text messages. I was so destroyed. I have done everything for him. Supported him, took care of him, cleaned up after him, ect. So I immediately went to a divorce attorney and filed my adultry complaint and kicked him out. Then I started experiencing life with a child and a big house to take care of all by myself and I hated it. I was lonely (I don't have any friends because he went out after I got home from work so I never met any) and being a single parent and pregnant is just so hard. My house is falling apart and I don't have the money to pay people. So I started re-thinking my marriage. He claimed he was sorry and would never do it again so I let him come back. He has been doing well. He does not go out at all and I check his phone records and he calls no one. The problem is I just can't get past it. I think about it all the time. Having sex with him now just disguists me. The entire time I am thinking about him on top of those ugly fat bodies humping them (sorry I know that is graphic but that is what I think)and how he was inside many many other women. It is very difficult to even get through it. I have constant images in my head and I just don't know what to do. I have been going to counseling for a long time and that has not helped. We went to counseling together and that actually made it worse he was like trying to defend his actions to the counselor. I don't know what to do anymore. I want my marriage to work, but is it just a lost cause?

Bump...

Can one of the Vet's help out here?

You clearly want to be married, but this guy is not a husband. He is a child who used you as a mommie and went out on dates while you sat home and took care of everything else for him. That's what a mommie does. He has no interest in being a husband to you.

Is your divorce final? If it is, you can start looking for a decent man who *does* want to be a husband and a father. You need a man for that, not a little boy. Keep looking and you will find one.
Mulan

Give your 30 days notice, pack your belongings (I'm assuming you're renting) and sign a new lease for yourself and your baby. Change all the bank accounts so that he can no longer get money from them; if it requires his signature, simply start a new account for YOU and start putting your paychecks in the new account. Then move.

There is no way to save this marriage.

btw, where does he get the money to go out every night? That would be a great place to start getting your life back on track - stop supporting his affairs! Save that money for your baby and childcare.

I would have to ask why you even want to save this M? Your H doesn't work. According to you, he doesn't do much of anything, except go out and use your money to sleep with other women. I know the thought of being alone with two young children is scary, but it has to be better than staying married to someone who obviously has no regard whatsoever for you or your children. I'm usually the last person to suggest giving up on a M, but in your case, there just doesn't seem to be much worth saving.

I also wouldn't be having unprotected sex with your H if I were you. You're pregnant and your H has had unprotected sex with who knows how many women. Your chances of catching an STD are huge. You need to protect yourself and your unborn child.

I honestly think you and your children deserve better. There are better men out there.

Oh, and make sure you get tested before you give birth, so you don't pass on Herpes or something else to your baby!

I know I need to leave him. Unfortunately, I don't rent I own. Everything is in my name so I am financially responsible for it, but the kicker is I bought it while married to him which according to my lawyer makes it half his. If I move I will have no money to pay for my mortgage, an apartment, and two kids. He will live in the house, but he won't pay a dime and he won't leave so I will have to leave and pay. Plus child support will be a joke. Since I made all the money and he has no job he will pay the minimum which is $65 a month. I feel completely trapped. I don't want to lose everything I have spent my life working for when I did nothing wrong in the situation except be there for my husband and do everything for him.

alm, see a lawyer about filing for divorce (on grounds of adultery if allowed where you live) and find out what you need to do to get him out of the house. Do NOT tell your WH you are going to do this - you don't want him filing first and forcing YOU out of the house.

Let the legal system help you with this. It may be that a separation agreement first might help, or it might just be better to file for D. Get a good attorney and they will advise you. Good luck and let us know how it goes.
Mulan

Go to www.unitedway.org and look up the office closest to you. Go there and ask them to help you with all the steps you need to take to get him out of the house. The courts see people all the time who have no cash flow but have to divide up the house. They'll figure it out. United Way can get you in touch with the right people.