From WW:

"Hey why are you such a [censored]? ... you know what i want to be happy and you are fighting me on it. Just stop ok! You have had more than enough chances tio to change and you know it"

Since I started pushing back about 3 weeks ago, things have gotten progressively worse. I guess she realizes I'm done being a doormat and a waiter (woman eats like a horse).

imanotherone - I hear ya. I know. Kids need to know. I know. It's hard. I think I'm more concerned about WW blow up than kids reactions - they can take it. WW will flip out. And I'm so worried about my precious daughter just getting completely screwed up by this whole thing. WW will twist her.

Here is another idea. I think you mentioned that OM had moved in with his parents? Have you spoken with his parents? I would give them a call and let them know that OM is still seeing your WW. Especially if they are members of the church, this probably won't make them very happy. Maybe you could get them on your side and enlist their help in keeping OM away from your WW.

I really hope your WW snaps out of this and realizes what she is doing to your family. WW's may not break off the relationship as often, as MrWondering pointed out, but it does happen. I was the one who broke off my A. OM had already moved out of his house and filed for D and asked me to marry him. So, there is hope. But still, there are no guarantees, and you need to protect yourself and your kids.

Tell them. Tell them now! Say it just how imanotherone put it, in terms they can understand. Your kids need to know that what their mother is doing is very, very wrong, especially if she's starting to use them and manipulate them. Please don't put this off another day.

Indarkness,

Time for you to really trust your Spidy Senses. OM is homeless and desparate. Don't underestimate your WW and OM conjuring up some bogus DV claim and getting you kicked out of the house and her moving OM in. Some things I would recommend you do:

1. VOice Recorder going at all times when with WW. It may just save your skin if a DV charge comes along

2. Talk to your lawyer ASAP about what your options are.

The courts take DV very seriously and the laws are set up in a shoot first, ask questions later fashion. With a pregnant WW, you are put at even more of a disadvantage.

Listen to PSU. He knows what he's talking about. Seriously.

I shouldn't have contacted the OM last night. I just got a really long e-mail from him. [censored] is smooth with words. He sent it to WW as well. Basically tears me apart, says everything WW has been saying - nothing surprising. But then he says this:

"As for your children, they would be rich with love, culture, adventure, work, service, and spirituality. I would love them as my own."

I'm not going to respond, just let it sit there so WW knows I read it but didn't do anything with it. But it's hard with that last sentence.

Damn, this is starting to get ugly. Just what I didn't want to happen.

Forward it to the Bishop.

Wasn't it the church who told him to stay away from WW?

DD:

Here's the very last line in the e-mail:

"These are just some of my thoughts. Tell the bishop I say hi when you forward this to him. "

He's daring you to. Double dog dare.

He doesn't care about God. He doesn't care about the church.

AND HE DOESN'T GIVE A RAT'S BLACK YOU-KNOW-WHAT ABOUT YOUR KIDS.

(or HIS kids, for that matter)

I need to say this, and please try to keep it always in the back of your head.

Sometimes there comes a time when you can only save who you can save.

Do you know what I mean?

I mean there MIGHT come a time when you can't save your wife or the OC (because the OC is HERS), and you will be faced with the problem of trying to save who you can or let everyone fall down.

I am saying this because YOU need a plan in place IN CASE your wife loses what mind she has left.

If you want OM and WW raising your kids and SHOWING them that it's okay to throw away the people you pledge to FOR LIFE for an ITCH, then continue to NOT make waves - and DO NOT contact a lawyer.

But if you don't want this to happen - if the worst happens and your wife is forever swayed by the dark side and leaves - then YOU MUST have a backup plan to ensure that she IS NOT the primary caregiver/teacher of those kids.

I'll be dadgummed if I'll sit here and tell you to keep carroting the Plan A carrot without the stick. Where was the stick last night of plan A when you found out your WIFE was doing the dirty with OM?

Cos, I see that she's had ZERO consequences here. ZERO!

And let me tell you...even if you survive this and you *think* you are recovering...ZERO consequences is a recipe for an OC#2.

Trust me here. Livin' mi vida loca.

Wow, this guy sounds like a real piece of work. I would forward it the bishop anyway. Of course, since he's already been excommunicated, I don't know how much influence the church will have on him at this point. I mean, what else can they do? Your WW and OM have jumped off the deep end spiritually, emotionally, and psychologically.

It is imperative right now that you do what you have to do to protect yourself and your children. Contact the lawyer. You do not want to end up in a situation where WW and OM are raising your kids in your house on your dime. Call OM's parents and see if they still have any influence over him at all. Talk to your kids and tell them exactly what is going on. Make it clear to them that you love them and that what your WW is doing is not right.

Your WW needs to start suffering the consequences of her action. Yep, she'll be steaming mad when you tell your kids, because then she'll finally have to start answering for her behavior to the people who mean (or at least should mean) the most to her. Right now, she's living in fantasy land, and she'll keep on living there as long as you allow it.

Please listen to Writer. Both of us are telling you this because your wife and the POSOM have gone way too far with very little consequences.

Indarkness,

I bumped up a thread for you called "Caught them in the act". The thread originator, Runnerboy, walked in on his WW having sex with OM. She wound up preggers.....

It is an amazing story on what to do in your sitch and think you could learn a LOT.....RB was amazing and he recovered his marriage even WITH the OC

Read it........ And apply......

Not2fun

ps......I'm truly sorry for all you are going through

N2F, thanks for the bump. Reading through it now.

OK, I feel the need to summarize where I am right now so that I can get my head back in the game. Last 24 hours have been way more emotional than I thought they would be. I thought I was past most of the emotion.

OM and WW have tried voluntarily to do NC at least 4 times. Each time has failed within a few days. NC is not working. I have blocked most of what I can and I can take extreme measures to block everything else, if it comes to that. I've wanted OM and WW to initiate NC on their own hoping they would be more likely to stick to it if they initiated it. But they are weak and seemingly incapable of doing so.

WW is desperately trying to leave the area. She is embarrassed, guilty and her pregnancy is starting to show. She wants to be gone, now. I have so far mostly ignored her requests.

OM is now living with his parents about 60 miles from us but he works only ~25 miles away, so contact is still feasible. OMW and kids have moved to Utah. He says this doesn't bother him but he's a liar - I know it kills him. Particularly cuz he hates his wife.

I have been implementing more carrot than stick of Plan A as DD so correctly pointed out so that I could attempt to "keep the peace" as it were. But WW has just been using this time for cake-eating.

Plan B was originally scheduled for Jan. 3rd - I don't know if I can last that long, particularly with the kids hanging in the balance.

I am going to see Marriage Counselor alone tonight. WW was supposed to come but backed out due to "cold". Whatever. I'll get someone to watch the house to make sure OM doesn't sidle on up.

My goal has been fog busting but WW is very stubborn and very much "in love". Can't seem to break her.

LAWYER.
NOW.
NO BARGAINING.
EXPOSE TO KIDS.
NOW.
If need be, tell kids OM is trying to STEAL them from you. You have the writing to prove it.

I raise you and have him send it to OM's BW's Attorney.

And ask the OM's BW how she feels about half her money supporting the OC. Ya'll need some big guns to shoot these waywards out of the sky. They're in la la land.

The less you interact with the OM, the better. The POSOM in my sitch does everything he can to "show" he's a better father than me. In fact, he testified in court how horrible of a father I am. Then my attorney crossed examined him and asked him about his bench warrant for CS arrears.

You are dealing with an OM who is showing sociopathic tendancies. He has already claimed your wife, he is working on claiming your kids and it looks like he going to start into claiming your house. Look at the logic - his mom is further away from his work than you. The quickest solution to his problem is a temporary restraining order against you.

Believe me, I went through this same crap. The OM in my sitch lived in our tennant house on our farm. Once WW and OM got wind that his previous landlord was going to reposess his horses that he left after he was kicked out, WW took out a restraining order on me getting me off the farm. The next day, WW and OM moved the horses onto the farm. Then, WW asked for a continuance on the restraining order hearing thus I was forced to find a place to live.

You need to talk to a lawyer and see what your response should be if WW takes out a TRO.

LISTEN TO PSU.

Contacting a lawyer today. Telling the kids tonight as well. I'm done with the games.

Just a quick spiritual note. I'm reading the BOM on my lunch break and today I was reading 2 Ne 7 and I came to this:

" 7 For the Lord God will help me, therefore shall I not be confounded. Therefore have I set my face like a flint, and I know that I shall not be ashamed.
8 And the Lord is near, and he justifieth me. Who will contend with me? Let us stand together. Who is mine adversary? Let him come near me, and I will smite him with the strength of my mouth.
9 For the Lord God will help me. And all they who shall condemn me, behold, all they shall wax old as a garment, and the moth shall eat them up."

I needed that. Amazing the way the Lord steps in and helps in small but definitive ways.

Back to the battle...