That means you have a large BEHIND in the states. Its used as a retort to someone who is one and won't quit judging you when you have confessed already...DUDE

I don't know about restitution. My H and I have always had a joint account, so that wouldn't really have made sense. As far as compensation, I agree that suffering my own consequences isn't the same as compensation. Even if H had gone out and had his own A, it still wouldn't have been the same. I did put lots of EP's into place, and we renewed our vows, but I don't think there is any way I could ever make up for what I did.

Regarding forgiveness, my husband has forgiven me. Notice I did not say "forgot." Those two do not have to be inextricably linked. How could anyone forget outside some sort of radical brain surgery? My H says forgiveness was a process for him. He had to decide over and over, daily in many cases, to forgive me. He says he did it at least as much for himself as for me. I guess some people might enjoy hanging on to it indefintely, but he didn't. He's just not wired that way. I really believe that forgiveness was the only way he was going to be able to stay married to me.

I've never been the BS, and I cannot even imagine how horrible it was for my H. I didn't talk too awful much about my hurt because I had this gut instinct that I didn't really have a right to. I don't know if that was the best move. My H finally begged me to find a counselor about 2 years after D-Day because I was still having this terrible cycle of guilt and feeling dirty - to the point of scruvbbing myself raw with several showers a day. I probably should have talked more about it. The bottom line is, adultery is wrong for a reason. It's just so terrible and hurtful and selfish and dishonest.

Glad to see Dude is back in regular form. For a while there, I thought he might have been genuinely remorseful about those days. He looks back at them and says, "good times, good times."
One question dude: while you were partying like a rock star, were your kids enjoying the ride? Was it fun for them to see first their mom, then their dad, engage in degenerate behavior? I don't know the current ages and genders of your kids, but do you ever worry that they might "do as mommy and daddy did" at some point in their lives? Do you hope that they do? Just curious.

Let's keep posts productive and stay away from the personal attacks.

Thanks

My young children are completely innoculated from the situation as my fwxw went bonkers, then I went MLC. The NON-Wayward of the time kept their composure til we both came back round. I'm cool w/ everything and I beg for forgiveness. All I'm saying is that it was a lot of fun?! Is that ok to admit? It was exciting!! Its wrong, so is going 120 MPH, but its fun and exciting. "AT THE TIME" that was my needed form of restitution and I think my fwxw would tell you that is my personality. To sit and cry every weekend is not me. I'm just not like that. My kids are great! I promise...DUDE

Okie doke.

Hi Rivera, Not sure which of my posts you were referring to. My post to Dude was in response to his post about RA joy-riding.
My post to writer was about her stance on how we should have sympathy for waywards. I wasn't referring to her, specifically. Just saying I will NEVER have sympathy for the consequences a wayward suffers as a result of their behavior. Sorry if I was too blunt. I'll back off.

We are still friends...I'm just being honest. If I told you that the MLC was the most boring time of my life I would be lying through my teeth. Not to brag, more so that I did feel like I was getting my restitution...Hope all is well IMA..DUDE

Hi RIVERA!! Sorry about the FA comment to TheROAD. DUDE

imanotherone, my post was not to you! Your posts are just fine. Sorry I gave you the wrong impression. The posts with problems have been edited.

Thanks, Dude.

No worries here, DUDE. I understand it was the time of your life. And actually, that goes back to the whole original post. Most waywards HAD THE TIME OF THEIR LIFE, at least while deep in the affair. Sorry if the ride ended with an ugly bump. But you enjoyed the ride, or you wouldn't have taken it (again and again, except for on night stands).

Oh, I'm not looking for sympathy. I don't want it and I don't need it. Just presenting the other side of things.

I've been on both sides. I know which one hurt me the most. Take it or leave it, but it is what it is.

And yes, it was self-inflicted. That made it even worse, knowing that I was doing this to myself and my family and yet feeling so powerless to stop it. If you shoot yourself in the foot, does it hurt any less than if someone else shot you? Maybe more difficult to feel sorry for the person who shoots themselves, but the pain is still the same. And, as stated before, I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me.

I'm sure many waywards never do suffer the pain and guilt and remorse that they should. I can understand BS' wanting restitution in that case. However, as a BS, I can tell you that no amount of money in the world could ever make up for that sort of pain and suffering.

I think we agree on this point for sure.

Sorry, you drop $20 Million in my lap and I will strike BETRAYED from my vocabulary. I'd go through it again in a heartbeat for $20 MIL... Sorry, there is an amount of money that can cure the pain...YOu don't think so, but that kinda cash will make you forget your were ever even married before. DUDE

Gotta give you props for your honesty. Personally, unless that $$ can buy me back the last 8 years of my life (and not just tack on another 8 after 90 KWIM?, then NOT INTERESTED.

Rivera, you've been played! He just made the comment again, only using initials!

Dude's apology for the affair also repeats the insult.

Initial apology: "I'm sorry I stuck the knife into you".

In later discussion: "You know what felt good to me? Sticking the knife into you. But we're cool, aren't we? I said it was wrong".

Sorry. I just saw it as a reply to ima. My bad. Was someone making a comment about the size of my butt? I resemble that remark!!!

Yeah, but the strange thing is that I never see WSs even willing to try this. Even if it offers but a respite from the pain, it would help. I think playing Pebble Beach at my WSs expense for the rest of my life would help me get over any resentment.
As for Ws pain, I say suck it up. No one can tell me that a WS is not getting pleasure from sex. By definition, it is pleasurable. So, the WS banked the pleasure. Why not spread it around to the BS in the form of morally acceptable restitution activities, liie a vacation or a membership at a golf club. WTF, why is this not fair?
Isn't there a pricetag for all that fun? Why not do some extra work and find more employment so your BS can partake in some fun?

ITA.

With respect to prostitution rates, it would be nice if WS's treated BS's with even a fraction of the respect a prostitute gets. As it is, we are lower than a common street hooker. Not only did we not get paid for our years of loyalty, service and sexual favours, you robbed us blind and ripped apart our families. I envy real prostitutes who know this to be merely part of the job and if a john doesn't pay, they call their big friends in to shake them up. A BS isn't nearly so fortunate. We are prostituted against our will under the guise of being loved and cared for. And we're left prone to all the same diseases as a prostitute and treated with the same regard by snotty people who have the gall to suggest we should feel bad for the person who did this to us.

I agree. I'd take less than 20 million. I doubt I'd forget it but, yeah, I would go through this for, say a million.