Listen to our Biker here. Get in to the lawyer NOW!

Your wife has jeapordized the children and you have PROOF!

Ditto Delean-De!

It's OK. I'm calm. No one knows, except here. I've already got a call into the lawyer. He's in court, will be out in 30 minutes or so.

I'm glad I talked to the OM the other night cuz I might have called him today in a rage. Now that urge is gone completely.

The kids will know tonight, that is for damn sure.

Sorry, I can't be with someone that would do something so unbelievably heinous. It's time for plan D.

Kids won't know specifics I mean, just about A.

Good work. Stay calm. DON'T let them know you're monitoring anything. Don't change your behavior with your WW. When you look at her, you'll want to spit in her face, probably, but DON'T do it.
I knew about my H's A for about a WEEK before I said anything. I got on here, got my ducks in a row, and got ready with the heavy wood. When the time came, I whacked him so darned hard with ALL the evidence, he crumbled.
Wait until the Bishop reads this one. (But don't show it yet, because the folks in the church won't be able to keep their mouths shut.)
Lawyer should be able to handle this one. If she tries to deny any of this stuff, remind her that she's going to be asked UNDER OATH. If she thinks she's going to hell now, just wait.

This may not be possible, and perhaps someone with more experience could chime in here on the legalities and all, but is there someplace that you could take the kids to for a couple of days just to get you and them out of this situation? Maybe you could go to visit your parents or some friends? It might do you good to get away and clear your head and think without constantly having to be hit over the head with your WW's actions. And it would certainly be good for the kids not to have to be exposed to all of this.

>It's time for plan D.


I totally understand.

Do you have anyone IRL close to you to talk to about this? Can you speak to your Bishop?

I'm so sorry ID.

Unbelievable. At 20 months old, that baby is old enough to understand that the guy that mommy is "wrestling" with is not his daddy. Under the measure the law uses, "the best interest of the child", your WS has failed miserably. You have GREAT ammo to get full custody based on this behavior.

I sure hope so.

When you talk to the lawyer, see about getting a restraining order to keep OM away from your children. This man has exposed himself in front of your kid....I don't care how "discreet" they tried to be.

If I were you, I'd try to see if you can't file with the police, too...there should be some law that says a grown men can't have sex in front of other people's kids, right?

Shoot...hook HER up, too.

Have you thought about going to the police?

I'm going to let the lawyer guide me. He's a good man. They have no idea anything is up. So I have time on my side right now. Believe me. This is going to go down quickly.

Once you've used the email to your legal extent, ask your lawyer if it's ok if you send it to the bishop. This ought to bring some serious 2x4s from the community. She needs to hit ROCK BOTTOM now.

Eventually they will try to lie their way out of the content of that email.

They will say they KNEW you were reading it.

Strategize with your lawyer. It's likely you won't want to bring up that precise email UNTIL you have her in a deposition where you can ask the question and THEN drop the email as a bombshell. She won't have time to conjure up the lie and by that time the excuse "we knew BH was reading" won't hold water since they CONTINUED all their communicating on that same email account.

It would help if you were to get some corroborating evidence. Even personal notes about yesterday that you can use yourself on the witness stand or in deposition to specificy recall the timeline of yesterday. A timeline confirming that wife was NOT home and her whereabouts unknown during the period of time in question. As much as you don't want to call OM...you COULD consider it, record it (if you are in a one party recording state) and get him to provide you further corroboration.

Also...be careful of privacy laws. Discuss such with your attorney carefully. As I recall, didn't your wife give you access to all her emails and she just forgot? Isn't your snooping really consentual, since she knows you've got a keylogger on the home computer (for the kids sake) and since the keylogger is consented to...aren't it's reports consented to?

Be smart and be calm.

Mr. W

Neither keylogger nor e-mail access have been consensual. Again, I am going to let the lawyer guide me.

Okay, I know you may not want to hear this right now, but here are some things to consider. I'm not even sure if you would still want to save your M, but if you do, there may still be hope. I know, the situation seems pretty hopeless right now, but I'm sure my H felt that way at one time.

I haven't shared a lot of what the 6 months of my A was like on here, mostly because that was 2 years ago, and I don't like to relive it. But I'm going to share it now, just so you can see that sometimes, even the most hopeless situations work out.

During the 6 mos. of my A, my emotions literally bounced around like a yo-yo. I wanted to work on my M, then I wanted a D, then I wanted to go off by myself for awhile without any contact with OM or my H to figure things out. I went back and forth between these extremes at an alarming rate. It seemed at times that I would just never be able to make a decision and stick to it. I started having thoughts of suicide because I really couldn't handle being on the roller coaster anymore and there didn't seem to be any way to get off.

When I was in my A, I did some pretty despicable things. The OM and I exchanged a hoard of extremely graphic and inappropriate emails, including very pornographic pictures. My A started in July, during my residency at our school, and within a few days, OM and I both returned to our respective homes, 3000 miles apart, so our A was mostly long-distance. After many months of nagging and begging, I convinced my H that I needed to go back East and see the OM so that I could "figure things out and find out what I really wanted." I made the trip in November, on my H's dime, where I proceeded to have a romantic weekend with the OM at a very nice hotel (at least that part was paid for by OM). I returned from that trip and told my H that I wanted a D and was going to marry the OM. The OM and I even announced to all of our friends at our school that we were going to get married.

Not long after, when the OM started talking about moving to CA to be with me, I began to have doubts. He wanted to move into my house as soon as my H left and "be a father to my kids." The thought terrified me. I finally woke up and started locating at least a few of my rational senses.

Luckily, my H was willing to give me another chance. I don't know why, but I thank God everyday that he did. Thinking about my actions during my A still makes me sick. It made me sick just typing that. But I felt that I needed to share that, just to point out that, even when things seem at their darkest, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Your light may lead to a recovered M, or it may not. I can't predict the future. I'll admit that things look pretty bad for your M right now, but I'm sure they looked pretty bad for mine too when I was in Vermont banging the OM while my H stayed home with the kids.

You need to protect yourself and your kids right now. Your WW isn't in her rational mind. Yes, she is psychotic. But, this psychosis isn't necessarily permanent. There is still hope that she may snap out of it. What you decide to do when and if she does is completely up to you.

Writer, you say it was the "be a father to your kids" line that made you do a gut check? Why is that? Had you not considered that the POS-OM (a.k.a. greatest guy ever at that time) would become the new daddy? Was it guilt about taking the kids from your H?
Reason I'm asking is because you seem to identify with this WW in ways I cannot. Maybe some of the things that gave you pause will help wake up this woman. Short of physical violence, I'm all out of ideas. And clearly, that was joke folks. I don't want to beat her up. Well, yes I do, but I wouldn't.

I didn't want to mention this because there has been no positive diagnosis but last night I went to see the marriage counselor that WW and I had seen last week. I went alone, WW was at home having e-mail sex with OM.

Anyways, 2 minutes into the meeting, counselor starts asking me a series of questions and about 3 questions into it I realize what she is asking. She believes that my wife suffers from Bipolar Disorder. She says "your wife has all the markers.." and lists off a series of symptoms.

I've had several people ask me about this but I never really considered it before now. One thing I haven't brought up on this board and which was only confirmed to me about a week ago is that my wife has tried to have an affair at least one time prior and looking back I now suspect at least 3 or four other incidences. It's scary. Because hearing the symptoms and reading about it just brings everything into place. Risky sexual behavior has been my wife's fantasy from the time we were first married. Not with other people, but in public places, that kind of thing. Of course I never wanted that. And now, having sex in front of a baby. Well, crap. That's just sick. But to someone with BPD, I mean, who knows.

I'm not justifying anything. But if this becomes a true diagnosis, writer1, it might change my mind on forgiveness. But who knows. I'm still way emotional right now.

Still, I thought I would throw this out because it certainly seems applicable now.

There is another FWW on this site - lurioosi2 - who was diagnosed bi-polar. She got treatment and her and her BH are still together and in recovery. You may want to look up some of her threads. I'm not sure how many of them were lost in the recent site crash, but she may be of some assistance to you in understanding this condition.

Imanotherone: I think I do understand (or at least am trying to understand) some of this WW's thought processes. I don't know why that is. There's a lot about this thread that reminds me of my own situation, I guess.

I think what made me ultimately snap out of fog was two-fold. 1) I started to realize that OM would never be an acceptable part of my life - not to my kids, or my family, or my friends. OM made it sound so simple - I would get a D and he would move into my house and we would be one big happy family. My kids could live with us. His kids could spend the summers and holidays with us. Everything would be great. Only, it wasn't. I tried to imagine going to church with OM, or just walking through the grocery store and running into someone who knew me and my H, and I couldn't do it. OM seemed to have no problem simply taking over my H's place in my life and my kids lives, but I had all kinds of problems with it. It just seemed fundamentally wrong to me, and no amount of justifications would work against it.

2) Probably won't apply in indarkness's case, because his story is different, but for me, the real thing that saved my M was the realization that my H actually loved me. You see, before my A, I really didn't believe that he did. He was involved in a 10-year EA with an ex-girlfriend that started 1 week after our wedding. I won't get into the details, but there were many instances where he lied about so many things, would break off the EA, start it up again and lie about, start feeling guilty and confess, etc. etc. I never felt special to my H because of this. I always felt like #2 in his heart. I just came to accept that this ex-girlfriend was the love of my H's life and that he may never feel for me what he felt for her. It took seeing how hard my H fought to save our M after I revealed my A for me to finally start to believe that he may be able to feel for me what I had always wanted him to feel. I haven't brought that up before, because I didn't think it really applied to indarkness's situation.

Dr. Harley, on telling the kids: