Would insistence on this be contrary to MB principles? I mean, I think I have read that it is reasonable for a BS to insist on transparency indefinitely. A BS should have lifetime access to cellphone records, e-mails and expect whereabouts responsibility for the duration of the marriage.
so, assuming a family had the means such that cost was not an issue, would it be objectionable to insist that one's WS , periodically, at regular intervals, get tested?
I see post nups being endorsed, soemtimes, ostensibly to protect the Bs financially. That would seem to indicate a BS is within his/her rights to protect him/herself in the future. Is there any difference in requiring a WS to submit to testing so as to protect one's physical well being?
What about creating a fund for future testing, that the WS could pay into from his or her discetionary income. same with a fund for hiring a PI down the road, should a BS become suspicious.
essentially, what I am asking is are there limits to what is reasonable and what distinctions ar there between advocated future safeguarding methods and others.

Well Z maybe for WH, but most women get yearly exams with OB's and STDs is part of the order when they get their papsmears.......at least I always have....

I was thinking bi-weekly

......(tell me you weren't serious)

Z,

What gives with the 20 questions??? Is something going on you aren't telling us about???

Not2fun

Zelmo, seems that if a couple were working on recovery, the BS could ask for this, and if the WS were sincerely interested in doing right by his/her BS, interested in meeting needs as MB principles urge (I think this one would fall under the category of "openness/honesty"), then the WS would say "yes" to the testing, without the rigamarole of funds or escrow accounts. Testing isn't all THAT expensive -- one could probably cover the funds by forgoing a few months' worth of Starbucks runs. (I've had to get tested for my wife's peace-of-mind after my A., and I've been glad to do it, not only for me, but out of legit concern for her physical safety & her emotional well-being. And what kind of signal would I be sending her if I refused??)

In other circumstances, where the M. is really off-track and/or the mistrust is so deep that lawyers have to get involved, then maybe people could write this sort of stuff into "post-nups". Or if it's splitsville, then maybe there's some judicial precedent re: court-ordered testing; but you'd have to ask a lawyer about that.

From this post as well as your other one about restitution or reparations, I gather your WS isn't the conciliatory/remorseful sort. This I'm sorry to hear. I know I'll never be able to fully appreciate that sort of pain & injury unless it happens to me, God forbid.

I dunno... in my case, I knew the rules, and if I'd stopped to consider, I knew the probable consequences of violating them -- I knew I could lose my wife, home, my kids, my friends, maybe get a bullet in the neck from my OW's husband, but I stupidly did it anyway (and will regret it every day if I live to be 500 years old). I just don't think there's a legal fix for getting people to treat each other decently. We can tinker with laws & penalties at the margins, but we've been trying to legislate selfishness, lying, adultery & sin itself out of existence at least since Moses, and I don't see that we're any closer.

Just trying to get a theoretical handle on this stuff, as, I am divorced.
In law school, many of my profs would do this. Thye would take an accepted principle , and start taking it to the extreme. It is a method to test the principle. I realize that using absurd examples does not invalidate something.
I think the thing that I don't really understand is how a marriage is good, when it is neccessary to implement protection. Always seemed to me that the true test of love would be if , despite temptation, one's volition was what drove the integrity.
When I was an altar boy, we had a cool, old Irish priest, Father Joeseph. We were forced for years to attend mass every first Friday of the month, so as to secure a plenary indulgence(protection against going to hell, asd eliminating accrued purgatory timeI viewed this as a good investment, at the time. thought it might give me carte balnce down the road. :/)
In any case, I questioned FJ on the value of attending when it was being forced on us. I could not understand the value of this to God, as it was not voluntary.
He agreed and gave me a dispensation(which involved my sitting alone in the cloakroom while my classmates attended mass :/)

I am not sure biweekly would be medically necessary, but if my H asked me to get retested I would. Unfortunately there are cases out there of people being diagnosed with HIV years after the activity. So it would make sense that one round of tests might not be enough.

Unfortunately, I wish I could say I was one of those people who always let my integrity guide me. Every time I have ever told a lie, every time a lost my temper, every time I slept in my soft bed instead of getting up to worship, I was not choosing my integrity. My A was a very extreme and radical example of that wrong choice. I have to hope that true repentance and a willingness to do whatever I need to will suffice for my H. So far it has, thankfully.

Yeah, knowing myself as I do, I really think that if myXWW had shown remorse and asked for forgiveness, I could have probably forgiven her. Of course, that whole concept is a hypothetical and a fiction, as NPDs do not accept responsibility.
I'm serious about the NPD. I found out some hair raising stuff about her past, and the incredible stuff she was doing throughout the marriage, not just the cheating, finally made sense when i learned about PDs.

Here is why I don't think regular testing for STDs would be effective. First off, if the WS did contact an STD, it would be passed onto the BS by the time it showed up on a test anyway.

Secondly, having to deal with regular STD tests would do nothing to make me feel safer, but would keep me triggered all the time. Extraordinary precautions won't do that. Routine transparency will just help me feel safe. Running off for STD tests keeps the affair top of mind all the time.

Keeping it top of mind would be an obstacle to creating a romantic relationship. Nor would I want a truly remorseful, repentant WS to have to go through that over and over again.