Wow. Just wow.
Flowers?

If you're not telling (F?)WH about these attempted contacts you should. He needs to know about her craziness too; you don't want crazy OW to contact him and him be kind of blindsided by it all.

Other than that I think I would talk to an attorney. They shouldn't charge much for drafting a letter on scary attorney letterhead stationery. Like others said though... if you threaten legal action be prepared to follow through. Otherwise this will look like Fantasy Island before she's done.

This might be a TJ

Is it possible to file a sexual harrassment claim against someone you don't work with?

To me, this stinks of SH....I'd say sue the socks offa her, but she'd prolly like that...

It appears to be vaguely sexual in nature, but I don't think it fits the definition of 'sexual harassment'.
It DOES fit the definition of harassment, though. And the fact that she has shown up around your children makes it imperative that you get some legal advice. IMO.

Wow, I experienced for the first time, a response to a trigger...but this was the absolute craziest thing I have ever heard of...I was making dinner, which just so happened to be be the same dish that we had prepared together in my kitchen when I thought the OW was my friend. I was alone in the kitchen slicing peppers and onions and somehting about it must have caused me to start thinking of the entire affair and all that has come with it.

I didn't even realize what was happening...but by the time my husband walked into the kitchen to join me, I was nearly in a state of panic. He immediately saw what was happening, and helped me to relax and comforted/reassured me.

I just thought it was a little crazy though...I have been prepared for and experienced responses (although nothing to this degree)to different things, restaurants, hotels, even the clothes he was wearing on D-day...but Fajitas???!! Who would have thought those innocent little peppers and tortillas would have thrown me into a panic?

Amazing how can something so simple can upset me so much...

As a way to understand this it is quite likely to do with the smell of fajitas in association with the event and emotions experienced.

The smell triggered you.

The sense of smell can be extraordinarily evocative,
bringing back pictures as sharp as photographs of scenes
that had left the conscious mind.
-- Thalassa Cruso,


Here's a blog on it. Sense of Smell

Mr. W

So sorry this happened to you.

Something similar happened to me years ago, but it wasn't sense of smell. My grandfather used to babysit my sis and I from time to time. He always had these little lemon meringue tarts. Anyway, he died when I was 22, I was sad and life went on.

A couple of years later, I was at a bakery where I saw the little lemon pies, and just burst into tears. Really a strange feeling. But shows how powerful memories are.

I'm sorry if this has been asked before, i have searched and can't find this answer. Is there a way to do a reverse look up on cell phone numbers? I've tried some internet searching, every site I look at I'm afraid is some scam.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

Thanks,

I think you can do it on intelius.com. They don't charge unless they can ID the #.

thank you, perhaps I'll give that one a try.

I've used intelius.com and several others. I didn't find any of the to be a scam.

One of them even help me locate the new cell phone number of the other woman. The day I found out about the affair, the first sign for me that it was someone I knew was that the OW changed her cell phone. I used Phone Search Central
sales@phonesearchcentral.com. They were able to locate the OW new cell phone number by getting the transfer information from her old cell number. They were very helpful and I would use them again.

I've used www.emailfinder.com and www.peoplelookup.com. In addition in installed a keylogger, which was one of the best things I could have done. You can also get a automated voice recorder. I've become quite the detective.

This one has been helpful to me:

http://www.phonenumber.com/reversephone

I don't know if it will give you everything you need to know but, for myself, it has given me many answers when I need(ed) them.

Good luck. :-)

If all else fails, have your friend call it and ask who it belongs to. Or social engineer it out of her.

"Hi! you have won a free get away for two nights for you and one person at the Wolf resorts in Timbucktoo. All we need is confirmation of your full name!"

Just a little update....

We seem to be moving along fairly well. Sill in MC, which helps so much.

OW hasn't contacted me since March, no more flowers or anything...thank goodness!!! She has tried to contact WS adn left 2 voicemails, which he of course, listened to with me. you know the drill, she *needs* soemone to talk to because she had a friend die...or the last one was they were being evacuated from their home due to a forest fire...

That one turned a little difficult to deal with because then WS was focussed on her safety adn such, which opened him to start thinking aobut her and the affair.

which then caused me to trigger about hte whole thing. I am proud of us that we were able to talk it through. And the thing is, I did pray for her and her family, and for all the families affected by hte fires out there...but other than the caring on a basic level of I wouldn't wish the destruction of anyone's home...I really just don't care. I don't care about her or her kids or her family. I don't want anything to do with her...and i don't care what she does, as long as she stays away from me and my family.

I know that it is strange that I understand he is going through a phase of getting over the affair, he talks wiht the counselor about it...every now and then he talks about why we can't all be friends, I told him when he says things like that, it tells me that he doesn't really understand no contact and why we have to have it. That he doesn't understand just how deep the hurt and betrayal go for me.

Here's an odd question...does recieving a voicemail mean that no contact was broken on WS part?

Thanks for just letting me talk a little...it helps so much knowing there are others out here who understand...

One Day....

One day, I KNOW all of this will be better...one day, I know I won't hurt so much...but, right now is today and for some reason, today is a rough day...feelings can be so overwhelming...one nice thing though is that my fwh (I will call add that Formerly there from now on...although he keeps on having to earn that designation) could tell I was having a bad day and walked over to my office from his office, picked up lunch on the way and we had lunch together...(we normally have lunch together, but due to scheduling issues, I wasn't able to get out of the office today...)

I know he is working on learning to meet my emotional needs, which is such a positive step (in my mind)...

Just wanted to let you know, I read your thread and really am praying for you. I found out my husband had affair with ow and also men, and found out a month after giving birth to our son, its been 4 months since Dday and I still feel like its day one. My H is doing everything to be transparent, and going to counseling, but I am just so angry and hurt. I really really wish you well, and hope we both make it to the Full recovery thread one day. Take care ((((intears))))

Thank you so much, I appreciate your thoughts and prayers. i have read your thread too...I find it difficult ot post because i am a rather shy person and I don't know why, but it even translates here...it does help so much to know there are others out here going through the same things and working to re-build their marriage in a healthy, stable way.

I understand completely what you are saying too, sometimes, even though he is doing everything to be transparent and accountable to me, some days I am still so hurt...and my mind can wander and think of about a thousand different ways he could possibly be in contact wiht her that I would never be able to find out about...

Here's to full recovery!!!!

Wow...nearly 8 months now...who would have thought I or we could make it this far. I know we still ahve so far to go, and I feel as though we are at a critical point...one where we will see if the principles such as MB and counseling have relaly started to take hold in our marriage, or if one (or both) of us will fall back into old habits...I am so hopeful for us...he seems to be as well and has stopped one LB behavior (where he was using me to talk though his feelings of 'overcoming' his addiction to her)...talking ot a ocunselor aobut it rather than me...certainly helps my peace of mind!

I am glad to hear that you are doing better. It is hard to break old habits but as long as you constantly try to improve, you will make stride towards a new you each day. Are you using all of the parts of MB? Is your WH on board with it?

Yes, I am. He has read through the website,but has not joined/read the forums...and we are awaiting the arrival of HNHN to read together. We ahven't done that one yet...

He is on-board with recovering our marriage, at least that is what he says to me and I see it in the way he is acting, spending time together (although we aren't quite to 15 hours, more like 10 a week)...he is being accountable and transparent...however, I still have what I call 'trust issues'...but mainly feeling that I have to keep making sure he is staying on track...like I said in one of my earlier posts, just that feeling of there's probably 100's of ways he could probably be in contact with her...but I suppose trust has to come at some point, I have to look at the positives of his behavior and how he is working to earn back my trust...

It's great that your WH is on board with MB. You really do have to get AT LEAST 15 hours a week of UA. Not only is this time that should be spent together, but also meeting the four most important needs of Conversation, Sexual Fulfillment, affection and recreational companionship.

There are 100's if not 1000's of ways that a WS can contact an AP. It is up to the BS to ensure that there is NC.

Have you two discussed his EP's that he will put in place to ensure that this will never happen again?