Thanks BH. you are right, and know life will go on with or without him. I have the girls and that is something he doesn't have right now.

I did go buy myself a cute new pair of shoes this morning as dog chewed up a pair of mine. Like the new ones better anyway.

I have a class this afternoon. Lerning how to make glass beads and pendants. Trying to make things as normal as possible. it is jsut hard sometimes

Its good to hear that you have plans for yourself and they seem really appropriate, I wouldnt want you to be so busy you dont have a minute to think or not busy enough so all you do is think about situation. You got the shoes now take the the shoes out somewhere lol.

I am so anxious to read your WS reaction to plan B. I think he will be hit hard as not expecting it.

As far as your girls go, the way he deals with them is one of the things you dont have much control over. Let him make his mistakes because then he cant blame anyone but himself.
you concentrate on giving the girls all the love and care you can and be proud of yourself and the fact that you are not in a postion that will make them loose respect for you like he is.

Just simply tell him that you can see he is upset about the girls attitude towards him and if he needs help/advice regarding how to deal with girls your happy to help him, but you wont interfere unless he asks for the help, all you can do then is advise him and its up to him to take up your advise.

Hey all. Well I am sorry to have to say this, but I went to plan B last night. In some ways I feel like a failure for not sticking it out another week, as was my origianl plan, but I also remind myself that I have been going through this for a year. I did plan A instinctively although I know I made some mistakes along the way - relationship talk mostly.

I had been feeling at the end of my rope for 3 days and was afraid of my nagative feelings growing stronger.

Last night was the last straw. WH took oldest to get a phone. She then called me to ask me to bring youngest to meet them for pizza. I explained that she wouldn't be done with basketball for 45 min. WH and oldest daughter came home, and WH stayed for about 15 minutes and then left without seeing his youngest daughter. He only saw her Sunday for about 5 min and has only made one 30 sec. phone call to her all week. Even my oldest daughter was very confused by this behavior.

She tried to text him. Youngest did the same. I tried to call him twice, no responses to any.

So.... I sent the plan B letter. I am just so tired of him saying he wants to come home, and then doing NOTHING to try to fix, even with the girls.

I felt that plan B was necessary at this time for two reasons:

1) I'm not sure I can be nice to him anymore, especially with the way he is behaving.

2) He seems to be more emotionally distant the last few days. We have had some nice lunches and dates in the last week, so I guess my feeling is that there are some good memories for him to hold on to. In another week, I'm not sure I would even see him, so I wanted to keep these memories fresh for him.

I am turning it all over to God. Only time will tell. But I am feeling pretty low right now.

Here is the response to Plan B letter - It just arrived in my email

Dear xxx,

There are so many ways that I could respond to this. My typical angry sarcasm would be inappropriate. Now you have brought in another person whom I barely know to act as a liason, counselor's that I don't know, books that I haven't read, The result? I am more frustrated than ever. I can say no more. You will think you are right anyway. Maybe
I will repond again when I am more calm and rational. actually, I am calm and rational. I just don't have anything nice to say right now.

Translation: How dare you stop me from crapping on you! How dare you stop ME from controlling YOU! How dare you refuse to participate in a part-time relationship with me while I live single the rest of the time! How dare you stop my cake-eating! How dare you - etc., etc., etc.

You should not be seeing ANY more of these messages. That's what your intermediary is for. You should not know anything about what your WS is thinking, planning, feeling, doing. That's what Plan B is for.
Mulan

Block his email address RIGHT NOW

Agree with Mulan. If you are in plan B, block his email. Block his phone on your cell, too. You've drawn a line in the sand. DO NOT let him step over it.
He has clearly been cake-eating. Unexplained absences and failure to answer texts means only one thing--continued contact. Could even be a different OW, for all you know. Were you able to check in with OWs H?

Huh???

Plan B means you don't read his email.

#1 -- He's already trying to break your Plan B.
#2 -- He's already indicating he's going to break it again by responding later.
#3 -- He's trying to manipulate you, by making you fear his "frustration" wah wah wah.
#4 -- There is not once sentance about what he's put you through or any empathy or understanding of YOUR feelings. Just him him him.
#5 -- You let him break your plan. Already. You read it. You should have had a plan in place to BLOCK or FORWARD that email without reading the contents.

You need to be 100% on board with Plan B. Not out of emotion, but because of your PLAN. That is the danger of starting the Plan B letter -- because then you think you can give it to him in a moment of emotion -- without being prepared and committed.

You want this to work, right?

I am waiting to hear from OWH. Sent email stating that I suspected further contact.

I ma trying to fingure out how to block emails and phone numbers. Anyone know? Can't find help on my email page

Lexxxy is correct, but don't beat yourself up over it. You've got to really work at going DARK plan B. A half-arsed plan B is worse than no plan B at all. But there will be setbacks. Luckily, yours happened two hours in, not two weeks in. Now, plan B "starts now." (See, you only lost 2 hours of plan B?)
Just stay dark. If he calls or texts the kids, tell them not to hand the phone to you or to relay messages. He must learn to go through your IM. At first, he'll resist this like nobody's business. Eventually he'll learn the IM is the only conduit.
All in.
Or all out.

Agree w/Lexxxy 100%

Emails from WH should be blocked or forwarded to IM.
His phone number should be blocked from your phone (he can call the girls on their phones).

You no longer exist in his world.
He no longer exists in yours.
Dark.

What email do you use?

Most email programs have an "Options" button. Go there and keep looking until you find a way to block senders. It may under the junk mail settings.

I don't know how to block phone numbers - I do not use my cell for messages, and it's really only for me to call out and is almost never on - but you could look up your provider's website (Verizon, or whatever) or call their help line.

if nothing else, with both email and phone messages, the instant you know it's from WH you DELETE the e-mail or voice mail. You don't read it and you don't listen to it. Blocking will just save you from the trouble of doing this, and will protect you from ever watching your email or phone "just to see if he's sent something." You should not even know if he's sent something. That's the whole idea of Plan B.
Mulan

Waa waa. Typical response. Don't even waste your time thinking about it. We could have written that FOR him.

Now, move on with your life. If he chooses to join you, great. If he doesn't, you've still got a great, powerful life ahead of you - without his manipulation.

I have yahoo

Just start a new account! And delete the old one. Send emails to everyone ELSE what your new account is. Then delete it.

Sounds like he is indeed clueless what he is truly in for with your plan B.
He is trying to play the old response game with you.

He is in for quite a surprise.

I am not a doctor, so this is just my layman advice (I went plan B a month ago)



if you are not already taking a mood supplement...

get some Sam-E from Target or Trader Joes or another store and some B6,B12 and Folic Acid tablets and start them today. If you are bi-polar....don't (bi-polar people can't take it since it could trigger manic episodes)

or talk to your physician about anti-ds. you will need them to get through your own withdrawal from you WH.

I didn't go to mood supplements during plan A but had to in plan B due to my grief of transitioning to living without my WH. It is tough stuff. Thankfully, each day I get a little less sad.

Now that you have implemented B.....take comfort in knowing that you did it when you knew you had to do it. You just had to do it a bit earlier than you planned but that is not so dreadful. Your spirit knew to do it and had the strength to do it.

That's what I am going to have to do. I guess.

I am having a yard sale tomorrow. WH knows about this. He told DD last night, before I sent letter, that he was coming over to help. What do I do if he shows up? My DD's won't be here for most of the morning, so I will be here by myself.

He is not welcome to come over and help. Relay that information to him through your IM if you think he didn't get it from your email.
Be prepared to abandon the yard sale.

Hey Claygal

Wow, you went to plan B. First of all well done for having the courage to fight for your marriage this hard. Secondly glad WS responded (even if asked not to) as shows its got to him. I he didnt care he would have grabbed opportunity to separate from the family and run to the hills with it.

So here we are now, you know he cares you read his first email, from this instant no more contact with him at all costs.

As you stated in previous posts you have friends that you have supported so its time to call them up to return the favour, when WS knows he can get to you and talk to you its one thing but when you put a barrier there then thats when it will sink in better, for example (and im not sure the vets will agree with this) had you blocked email and redirected it to your choosen mediator then she could have responded on your behalf saying "sorry this email has reached me istead of your BW as stated in her letter she does not wish to have any contact with you until you decide to work on M so from now on all contact will come to me and i will only pass on the information in case of emergency. Please respect your BS wishes not to contact her and read her letter carefully as she has made her position clear to you, Please note that any further emails will not reach her, your calls will not be answered"

The fact that someone else is backing up what your saying in actions and in words might really get the point home.

As far as tomorrow again you need to have a friend present that will relay and help you enfore plan B. Tell supportive friend to help you keep away from WS no matter what he says or does until you get what you are asking for.

This is your time to take control of the situation so enjoy it as much as you can. And even when in doubt remember he didnt run for the hills when he got plan B letter.

Question to vets, at what point do you end plan B? for example if WS comes over begging and pleading is that the end of plan B or do you continue it until ACTIONS are in place?