I found a receipt today for a mini GPS logger... which I assume means my husband is tracking my whereabouts. It's one of those ones you have to download the data from--not that reports your location on demand.

I have to go search for it on my car now. If I find one, I'll probably just leave it there, because I'm always where I say I am, so it's not really a problem. I just want to know for sure.

Does anyone find it odd that he might be tracking me? I am the betrayed spouse, and he is the wayward. Why would he start tracking me?

or things are not hunky-dory in affair land and he is tracking the OW's whereabouts....

I don't think the affair is active anymore... and she now lives 2,000 miles away. I guess it's possible there's a new one.

I'm going out to look at my car now. I hope it IS on my car now.

Do you have teenage drivers in your family?
Sometimes parents GPS their teens.

Nope, it's just me (30) and him (36).

Okay, I didn't find it. This is where I have searched:

INSIDE
> Underneath both front seats.
> Underneath the dashboard for both front seats, where all the wires are. Felt around in there a little too.
> In the glove compartment, armrest, etc., and above the visors on both sides.
> In the pockets on the back of both front seats.
> In the trunk, including around the spare tire and inside all the little compartments.

OUTSIDE
> Underneath the car, as far as I could see. (I laid down on the ground and looked up at the bottom of the car, from all four sides. I didn't think I could see everything easily here, though. I was thinking of going to my dad's, jacking my car up, and rolling under there to get a better look. But the thing would have to be in easy arm's reach, right?)
> Inside all four wheel wells.
> Around the engine. (Lifted up the hood and looked around.)

I am not very car-saavy, but I do know what a tracker looks like, especially since I looked up the model number online based on the receipt. Is there any place that I could have missed?

If not... who is he tracking?

Maybe he just hasn't installed it yet?
Is there a way to bring up the concept of GPS tracking casaully in conversation and watch his reaction?
Try:
"Dang, you wouldn't believe what Selma said about her teenager. She thinks he's been slipping out at night to see a girlfriend and she's afraid the girl is going to wind up pregnant. I can't IMAGINE going through that. But how could she POSSIBLY monitor his comings and goings..."
tee hee.
See if he offers up.

This is sounding really strange...who knows what he is up to? But, Ima's idea is good. Maybe you should get one too and put it on his car...

My WH frequently would accuse me of having an affair, GPS tracked me, etc. when he was the one cheating. I guess this is transference. Even when he found absolutely no evidence he would still accuse me. CRAZY ~ I know!!!

As for hiding a GPS tracker... it can be hidden in objects (e.g. gym bag, box, etc.) so look in those type of things in the car too. Are you able to log into the account to see if he has downloaded info from it yet?

Maybe, but the receipt is dated Sept. 2. So he's had eight weeks to do something with it. I suppose he could have put it on my car, found nothing, and then taken it back off. But why not just keep going with it? I would.


I can try that, but I doubt it would work. There's no one (like a teenager) that he would have an obvious reason to be tracking. So it's got to be either me or another woman... in either case, he's not going to offer up.

I thought maybe we were finally okay, because for the last few months, he'd finally stopped doing things like hiding his cell phone under the bed at night, etc... it seemed like he was finally getting less secretive and more happy with me.

But maybe he's just gotten better at lying, and he's figured out what things he needs to hide. I just spent all day looking for his credit card bills, etc. He's stopped putting them in the same place--hasn't moved the old ones, just stopped adding new ones--so he must've figured out that I was looking. I've checked literally everywhere I can think of in the house, even the basement.

Damn it, damn it, damn it.

I took every single bag, piece of paper, object, etc., out of my car today. There's nothing left in the car at all, except for maybe a few pens and an umbrella.

Looking at his computer isn't an option. My WH is a data security professional... I have no access to his computer at all, and there are no loopholes for me to install any kind of keylogger (hardware or software). He knows what he's doing.

I'm actually thinking now that, if he was/is monitoring me with GPS, maybe he's monitoring me with a keylogger too. That would explain how he knows what to hide, without my saying anything, because I was talking about it here. He'd know how to do it without leaving any traces. He could probably monitor it through the router or firewall, without even needing to install anything on my computer at all.

Makes me wonder if it's safe for me to talk here.

Go to your local library, create a new identity for here and log on there only.
BUT...if you're that concerned, I think you need counseling sessions anyway. Clearly, he's not meeting your ENs if you're this nervous about it. The M is in trouble, and you need help. Even a phone session with the Harleys would probably help.

Maybe he bought it with the intention of having you see the wrapping that it came in, to sidetrack you from what HE'S up to. A mind game, maybe?

Hmmmm. I never saw the wrapping, and the receipt was hidden too. I don't think I was supposed to know.

Could he use his cellphone to check the GPS log? Maybe he wants to know where you are when he's somewhere he's not supposed to be.

My WS used to call me at our business back in the days before Caller ID was available on cellphones to ask, "Did you just call me?" I finally figured out that he was checking to make sure I was at work at that particular moment.

Keep looking for that tracker. Check the bottom of your purse. He's got to be checking on either you or some OW.

I think Lady C is on to something. Can you take your car to a mechanic and have him check places you can't get to? Behind the glove compartment or near the computer - those might be hard for you to get to.

Anna,

If you are using a network at home wireless or not he is able to track everything you do through the network. He knows everything you are posting here if he wants to know.

Wow, I never thought of that. I don't think he could use it for that purpose because it's basically just a USB stick. He has to take it and plug it into his computer to download the data. Then it will show him maps detailing the time, route, and speed of whomever he's tracking... it shows him the history, but not live info. And he has to pick it up once every 8 weeks, minimum, because that's the battery life, so he can't have installed it somewhere too difficult to get to.

You're right, though, he does have one of those fancy cell phones. If he did install a live tracker, he could check my (or someone else's) location at any time. It never occurred to me that a cell phone could be used that way. Huh.


We are behind a network. You're right, he can probably see everything I send over the internet, without needing any sort of keylogger. I'm not sure he's checking it--if so, he is the master of hiding every reaction, because I've blogged about a lot and even written a Plan B letter here that I never sent. But then again, who knows? I know him to be a successful liar.

What actually occurred to me while reading this is that the tracker he bought is the exact same tracker that I was looking at about three months ago, when I was thinking about tracking him. I never ordered it. I thought it was curious that he bought that one when I saw the receipt, but that it was just a coincidence. Maybe it's not a coincidence. (?)

I don't know. How paranoid should I be? Sometimes I feel like I'm going over the top. My therapist says I am not nearly paranoid enough.

Anna ... just ask him.

"For what purpose are you using a GPS tracker?"

And stick to THAT topic only.

Not "Why do you want to know?"
Not "What GPS tracker?"
Not "Are you spying on me?"
Not "You are crazy-paranoid."

If he goes in any of these directions you respond:

"For what purpose are you using a GPS tracker?"

If he obfuscates or gaslights or makes accusations INSTEAD of answering your direct and simple question ... you know that you have a husband who is not "IN" this marriage with you.

What are you willing to do if you know your husband is not "IN" this marriage? Notice I did not ask you what "conversation" you will have, but what will you DO if your husband is a renter/freeloader?

Being "paranoid" is crazy-making.
The solution for crazy-making situations is usually for YOU to make a change ... possibly remove yourself (either permanent or temporary) from crazy-making. Generally speaking, the solution for a crazy-making situation is rarely MORE conversations ... conversations with crazy cause an exponential increase of the crazy.

Make NO threats
Make NO declarations
Make no announcements

Simply ask the question one or possibly two times ... if he does not answer ... you say:

"Excuse me. I've got somewhere to go."

Then get in your car and go stay with a friend.

Return the following day and ask the same question.

This is your life, you have a right to be aware of what is going on.